living with in-laws

July 19, 2010 11:30am CST
I wonder how do other people deal with their in-laws when they are living together for 20 years and still they are the one who will decide for your life? will you still treat them well and respect their decision or you will do your own?
1 person likes this
7 responses
cream97
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
19 Jul 10
And another thing about me, I would never live with my inlaws for 20 years. I am lucky that I have even lived with them for five years. I cold not bare living with them any longer.
ntl3393
@ntl3393 (12)
•
20 Jul 10
hello, this is a big relief that i have someone like you who has encountered this kind of situation and understand me , I really appreciate it. I know 20 years of sacrifice is already too much and joining here at mylot is the only way that i could express myself, and i'm glad that i could discuss it freely without any fear and there is someone like you who inspire me. I wish i could do the same thing like what you did but i will try my best co'z until now we can't still afford it. I do hope that someday we can survive once my kids finish their studies. Thank you so much for the nice response. :). Honestly i feel much better now knowing that i'm not alone :)
tjen_anni
@tjen_anni (317)
• Indonesia
25 Jul 10
I lived with my in-law for 3 years. And it was a terrible moment. Everything I did was wrong. I didn't have control upon my own life. I think there's nothing good to live together with the in-laws. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone....
ntl3393
@ntl3393 (12)
•
29 Jul 10
I understand your situation, i've been through that but until now i'm still here. it's really hard on my part 'coz i'm staying in their house. No matter how nice you treat them they don't appreciate it.
deve_annrn
@deve_annrn (1856)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
I am living with my future in laws.. My boyfriend and I are not officially married but all of them thinks we are.. we are still planning to settle down but I am already welcome with his family.., Sometimes, it feels awkward because my in laws and I eat together and I usually ran out of words to say because I am not a very good conversationalist.., and there are times.., that my boyfriend and I would go out and we have to check it out with them first.. It's like we have to consider them first with every decision we make and it's a bit complicated..=)
ntl3393
@ntl3393 (12)
•
25 Aug 10
In your situation my friend , since you are still planning to settle down , the best thing to do is to discuss with your boyfriend that it's better to live separately with your in-laws to have a better relationship between you and them , while it's still early co'z once you will live with them you will really encounter the situation like us. I didn't mean to scare you , i did not say that all in-laws are bad , if we are lucky enough we can also meet an in-laws that are understanding and fully accept us as what we are. I wish you all the best in life my friend and happiness. God bless. Have a nice day!!
czanwell_30
@czanwell_30 (717)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
I respect and love my in-laws because they are not only my husband's parents but they are also good hearted and nice people. The only problem is my husband's mother who love my husband so much that we can say my husband is the apple of her eye. Even now, it's really hard to get along with someone who treat you as a rival. I told my husband that he must love us both but in a different level. Be cause her mother can't give something that he can get from me and I can not also replace her mother. So I'm really trying not to compete with her. And we stayed in my in-laws for 6 years, It was really hard for me. They are dictating our lives. Saying do this and do that. Don't do this and no to that. I really get to the point that I wanna go out of their lives...even my husband's life. I wanna leave them if my husband won't stand in his two feet so we can live independently on our own. I have sacrificed so much during our 7th year of marriage because I let him choose between me and his parents. I said I can no longer live with them. I will do anything in my power not to go back in their house come what may. And now I'm so happy that I help my husband to decide for the best. He had become a better man, he always put me on top. And we have our own house now. I'm really very very happy. That we can now live on our own and decide what's best for our family. Have a nice day!
ntl3393
@ntl3393 (12)
•
25 Aug 10
I'm so happy to hear the good news about your situation and i wish you all the best for you and your family.. I wish i can do the same of what you did but unlucky i'm losing hope bec. I know my husband can't really leave his parents co'z nobody can look for them , I will just pray that someday , somehow i can still see the light and my parent's in-law will open their eyes and appreciate what i did for them..sometimes I couldn't understand why they couldn't treat as well like the way they treat their own children, we are already matured and know what we are doing , they always think that they are always right and we can't decide for our own. We are also human and hurt but i guess they don't understand that . They should have also realized that their son has his own family. I still have a little patience left and still respect them but sometimes it's really hard to adjust. I thank you so much my friend for sharing with me your experience this really helps me a lot to move on co'z i know I'm not alone. God bless you and the family ..Have a nice day!
krnavtr
@krnavtr (285)
• India
2 Aug 10
I would listen what my in-law says but i will decide by my own.There won't be harm for listening as its in our hands to conclude the point.To stay with a in-law is too bad in one way as we don't get freedom as like we stay with parents.After staying 20 yrs with them,its almost like we are their children,even than We feel uncomfortable to ask anything to them.i will obey and respect my in-law as far as i can.
bentreed
@bentreed (31)
• United States
29 Jul 10
Just need to know and also explain to them where the boundaries are. and each person must respect the boundaries.
westbird321
@westbird321 (232)
• India
29 Jul 10
I would listen to my in-laws but i will decide by own ways... Its not harm to listen to others but everybody should come at conclusion with their own thoughts so i would too... Of course i would respect they say to me...
ntl3393
@ntl3393 (12)
•
29 Jul 10
Yes , you are right there's no harm to listen but maybe yours is not as worst as mine. I wanted to decide for our own but once i do that they will get angry and most of the time they will shout at you, but in a contrary i still respect them.
cream97
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Hi, ntl3393 Welcome to myLot! I have lived with my in-laws for five years and then another time for four months. I know how aggravating it can be. If I was to live with them, I would never let them tell me how I should live my life. They would have no opportunity to make any decisions of their own about my life. I would not give them that chance to. They know that this is off limits with me.