Do you step in?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
July 19, 2010 5:29pm CST
The kids and I went to Taco Bell the other day. Right in behind us came a couple with a little girl with them.. she might have been about 5 or so. I heard the parents reprimand her a couple of times in line.. I believe they told her to stop running around. I paid no attention, I was probably telling my own kids the same thing.
So we sit down and start eating. Across from us there's a woman about my age eating with her mom... and the family behind us in line with the little girl sat in the booth next to them. Now all this time we'd been in the restaurant I personally had not noticed this little girl doing anything wrong... or perhaps she just seemed well behaved enough compaired to my own kids, lol.
Well the father comes over with the food to sit with the little girl and the mom, and before he even sits down he says to the girl "Shut up, you're really starting to piss me off!".
The woman at the booth across from me who was dining with her mother said audibly to him "That's a real nice way to talk to a child!" I certainly couldn't have agreed with her more.. but I was just going to keep my mouth shut. So the dad stands up and starts arguing with this woman.. saying this is his child, he'll speak to her however he wants, and the woman doesn't know what sort of attitude this little girl has had all day and he's nipping it in the bud so it doesn't get out of hand.. blah blah blah. The woman argues right back how she's got 2 kids of her own and never has to speak to them in such a way to get them to listen and behave... blah blah blah.
Eventually the woman's mother broke up the argument, got the woman out of the restaurant, and even came back to apologize to the man.. and shortly there after the man decided he was too upset to eat and told his family he'd wait in the car. The rest of the meal the little girl and her mom sat silently eating their food.
I agree the man was a little harsh with the girl.. and as I said, I saw the girl do nothing wrong (but I could have just missed it since I was not paying attention to her). The woman who told the man off certainly was bold.. I don't think I could be so bold.. I was not even thinking of speaking up.. I was just minding my own business... and telling my kids to do the same.
What about you? Have you ever stepped in and told off a parent for the way they treated their child? Or would you be the type to sit there and mind their own business? Have you witnessed something like this?
3 people like this
22 responses
@frankiecesca (2489)
•
20 Jul 10
Well regardless of whether or not you saw her misbehave like you say swearing at a child so young will not teach it to ''stay in line'' and instead would probably result in the child becoming more badly behaved!!
I am not sure if I would have said anything or not - I think sometimes it depends on what kind of mood I myself am in as to whether I would want to get involved!!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
That is true.. if I'd been stressed out to begin with I may have stepped up just to have someone to vent my frustrations at, lol.
@scortch9823 (106)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Tough call for that, because as you said you don't know what else went on that day. Being a parent I know how they can push your buttons and you tend to overreact over the little thing when it was the whole day that did it. Having said that though, I have never talked to my children like that exactly, but short of being seriously abusive I'd have left it alone too.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
No I don't know what else went on that day.. but I just got the feeling from the dad that it didn't matter.. especially after seeing the way he spoke to the woman. I feel as if the dad always speaks to the girl this way.. and probably worse when they're home. But no, I don't know forsure.
@AmbiePam (92865)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I personally would not have said anything unless the dad had cursed her out or done something physical, like grab her arm and shake her or something. Since the mother was there, and she was a witness, I would have seen it as her place. Should she have intervened on her daughter's behalf? I would have, if I were her.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Obviously the mother is used to the daughter being treated this way.. and probably does the same thing herself if I had to guess. There are times my husband goes a bit overboard with my kids. Most of the time I say nothing until after then I tell him obviously he's stressed and taking it out on the kids which isn't fair. Once in a great while I'll step in if I think he's really over the line.. but I don't want my kids to see me telling my husband he can't discipline them in whatever way he pleases.. otherwise the kids will learn they don't have to listen to dad. Then again, my husband doesn't do anything that hurts my kids... mostly it's just yelling at them for something I don't deem worth yelling at them for.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (92865)
• United States
20 Jul 10
My parents were the same way. Of course I didn't know they did it at the time. But when my mom would disagree about how my dad disciplined me, she would wait until it was just them, and then bring it up. They never wanted to undermine each other in front of my sister and me.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Hi there Kats,
I think you have the right idea here. I agree that it is harsh the way he spoke to her but unless it was way more than that, I'd have probably let it go. Having been married to a man with a horrible temper, I have to say that I'd cringe if someone spoke to him about something like that because what it did was make the situation even more humiliating than it already was. Reading this, I could feel for his wife and daughter. Also, it could be that the man was just having a really, really bad day. What he said was not very nice but it wasn't so bad that I would have felt the need to interfere. Also, the way to de-esculate a situation is surely not to go putting the man's parenting techniques down while he is obviously already in an irritable mood. In my opinion that woman was out of line.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I do agree with you Kats on many levels. I don't think there is any good excuse for treating your child like that. Still, it happens. While I think overall, I'm a pretty good mom, I can't in all honesty say that I've always been perfect...made a poor choice thinking it was right at the time, said some words in a moment that I wished I could take back. I do have to say that I would not humiliate my child, spouse or myself like that in a public setting. I'm just I guess trying to look at it from all angles. The guy definitly was in the wrong for speaking to a little child that way. I guess I would hope it is not something he does all the time. That being said, I know all too well what it is like to be sitting in the wife's spot and from listening to my daughter who is now in her 30's ...hers too. It is humiliating to be talked to like that in a public place. It hurts whether in public or private. It gets worse when they are confronted for how they are acting. Our meal is ruined too. I'm just saying that if that lady said nothing at all and provided the girl stopped whatever it was she was doing that irritated this man then the family could have enjoyed their meal. If this man is prone to this sort of behavior and I suspect he may be then that one comment was nothing to this little girl. The confrontation and the dinner with the dad sitting in the car and not knowing or maybe knowing the attitude that was waiting them ....just sayin...that women probably without realizing made a bad situation worse for that girl and her mom.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Well the guy did go sit in the car for awhile.. so maybe he was cooled off by the time the girl and mom came back out.. we can hope anyway.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Having a bad day is no excuse to take it out on a child. I don't necessarily think the woman was out of line.. because in my opinion the father was certainly out of line with the child.. and children need people to stand up for them since they can't themselves. Still it was a tense situation and I was worried since my children and I were sitting right there witnessing the whole thing. Thankfully the woman's mother calmed the situation down before it got too out of hand.
1 person likes this
@wickedspies (965)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I agree with the above statement 
. I think unless there was some sign of abuse going on I would have just kept quite. People don't always treat their child how they should however, it's not for me to say what they should and should not do. Do I think these people should take parenting classes? Yes I do, but I also think that any mature adult who plans to have kids should take these classes. I think its irresponsible to not do them... 
. I think unless there was some sign of abuse going on I would have just kept quite. People don't always treat their child how they should however, it's not for me to say what they should and should not do. Do I think these people should take parenting classes? Yes I do, but I also think that any mature adult who plans to have kids should take these classes. I think its irresponsible to not do them... @scortch9823 (106)
• United States
20 Jul 10
yeah it does bother me to no end that you need to have a license for just about everything in this country, but anyone can have a child, and be called a parent.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I completely agree... but with our government they'd make it nearly impossible for anyone to have a child. Not all poor parents are bad parents, and not all rich parents are good parents.. but the government would make sure that you were loaded before being allowed to have a kid... so sad.
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Wooo...kind of reminds me and some of the things I go through with my own kids. Ok I have told things like this to my kids only because I have been with them all day and they are arguing or wanting something. After repeated "no's" and you just want to sit to eat, tempers are really in bloom. I wouldn't have told that family something. I might have laughed, then joke around about kids and how easily they can get you upset. I have seen a woman bottom slap her kid in the store after he wandered away. I would have done the same thing out of fear that he'd be kidnapped. I didn't tell her anything because it wasn't done to abuse.
I remember one day I was in a dept. store talking to a lady I just met. Well my kids started to run around and play with her daughter. I told them to stop several times but didn't. They know that once I get done with what I have to do I will surely tell them how wrong they acted. Anyhow a lady took it upon herself to tell my children that they were bad. I asked her "Who are you talking to?" Before you knew it we were arguing. I was told I was a bad mother, I didn't talk to my kids, etc. I left upset because I told her she knew nothing about me. I know my kids were running around but at the same time they are kids. I could have taken it better from an employee but not a stranger. I usually get good comments about my kids because they know they have to respect people.
I think you did the right thing. Unless you see abuse, that can honestly be labeled as abuse, then leave it to the parent. Yes some parents have this gift of not talking to a child that way but for whatever the reason this man is the father. Maybe he learned when he sat thinking in the car that he might try to save that kind of talk for private moments instead of public places.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Jul 10
No, for something like this I probably wouldn't have. But if it were something more blatant, like him slapping the child, I might have.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
19 Jul 10
I'd be scared to step in if the parent was being abusive in some way... but I would.. better to take that anger out on me.. someone who can defend themself, than the child.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Jul 10
I'd be very scared, but there's always 911...
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
20 Jul 10
I think that it would depend on the actual event. Have I interfered? Yes-on several occasions when I saw a parent beating a child with a belt or stick on the road. One young child spilled some water from a bucket he was carnying and the father cut a limb from a tree and started beating him.
The father should be carrying the water not the little child who was proabbaly not older than seven years old. I was so mad! I threatened to get him arrested for child abuse. Blessings.
The father should be carrying the water not the little child who was proabbaly not older than seven years old. I was so mad! I threatened to get him arrested for child abuse. Blessings.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
20 Jul 10
When my daughter went into the hospital to get her tonsils removed, the mother of her roommate kept telling her daughter to be quiet or she would tell the nurse to give her another shot!
I was furious with her and asked to see her out in the hall, where I explained that she was not only terrifying her own child and turning her against nurses, but my child was listening and getting fearful, too. I told her to please shut up and I wasn't terribly nice about it.
With my children I always told them every step of any operation or tests they had to have run so they were not surprised. For tonsils, I never said "Oh, honey, you can have all the ice cream you want" because even if they could have it, they would not feel like eating it at first.
They were always assured that the doctors and nurses would not give shots, or put an intravenous line in their arm or leg unless it was absolutely necessary to make them healthy.
That other poor child probably grew up despising doctors and nurses and passing her fears along to her own children.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Aww.. that's sad the mom had to scare her kid like that. I do that sometimes... I'll tell my kids that if they do a particular thing that could hurt them, then they'll have to go to the doctor and get a shot.. which actually is true because if they hurt themselves on a metal object they'll get a tetanus shot or they could get stitches.. so it's not like I'm lying.. I'm just trying to explain to them the gravity of their actions in a way they'll understand.
I guess some parents don't even realize what they're doing until someone else points out the child's point of view.. we don't always think of their point of view when we're stressed ourselves.
@skylerm2930 (96)
• United States
20 Jul 10
i wouldn't have stepped in but i saw something like this before. i was in sports authority and this lady's kid was playing with a canoe padle and she took it from him, grabbed him by the collar and said something around the lines like "listen to me b*tch i told you not to play with that!" I thought that was a little harsh but I guess its just some people's way of parenting/
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
That's what's wrong with society today... kids don't learn how to respect people because nobody respects them. There are ways of disciplining children without hurting their self esteem and without putting them down.
@momof3kids (1894)
• Singapore
20 Jul 10
Even when I am reading your post, I was feeling weak in my kness and my heart was beating fast. Often that happens when I thought about stepping in.
Do you beleive in the expression it takes a village to raise a child? I wish to thank you for posting this because it will make me more prepared to face the music if it happens to me. I plan to defend the woman who is standing up for the child.
The rude father should receive some kind of a spanking!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
LOL.. a spanking for the dad.. now isn't that a novel idea.
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I don't think the woman should have said anything. It's something like "walk a mile in my shoes" before you state an opinion.
No one knows what was going on in that family on that particular day.
I don't doubt that I have said similar things to my kids over the years. Hpwever, he did show poor judgmemt to speak in that manner in public...but like I said, we don't know the whole story. She may have been misbehaving badly before they got to the restaurant and he just had enough. We'll never know.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I disagree... I do understand that parents get stressed.. I myself have 5 kids and am almost always stressed... but there is never a good enough reason to speak to your child in a way that disrespects them or makes them feel bad. Yes I tell my kids when I'm getting upset or angry sometimes.. I don't say they're causing it, I just say "I'm getting angry right now" and they know that means I need a minute to cool off, I would never tell them they are making me angry, and I certainly wouldn't use such words as pissing me off!
@pastigger (612)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I have been at the end of my rope with my child of endless engery. I never tell her shut up, but I will tell her if I am getting angry. I try not to yell but can't always help in, in public I don't yell I usually just use the mommy stare. Sometimes I find that I am being very loud and its just from all the other noise around me. Usually when I tell her I am getting angry, because lets face it we are people and we will get angry, after a few minutes she of her behaving she will ask me if I am happy and I will tell her if I am or not, sometimes she just keeps up with what she is doing and so when she asks if I am happy I tell her no. I probably would have kept my mouth shut because I have been at the end of my rope before but I do hope I handle it better, some days are better than others. And I try to see things from her point also, if it has been a long day and we have been lots of places I try to find somewhere to eat where she can run around and get some engery out. No one is perfect but it sounds like this is not the first time this has happend just from the wifes response. I would have also feared to make a bad situation worse.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
It is true no parent is perfect... but most of us are aware that in public other people are watching, which should make us keep our cool. If he's that bad in public, how bad can he be at home?
@Lunar01 (151)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Parents do that to their kids at least once in a while. It's not strange but just not openly in public because of others might judge them. Even though if the father is doing that to the kid in public, who knows what he does to her at home? Yet it's their family problem. You don't need to step in because first it does nothing except to fuel the situation even more, second who are you to criticize them for their parenting method.
I have an example of my own. I was at my friend's family party and when I saw the kids messing with the broom hitting each other with it, I came in and took the broom away from them. The dad saw that and told me to not butt in and let them do whatever they want. I told him that they're kids and they might accidentally hurt each other. He told me to mind my own business because I'm not their family, uncle, I'm nothing to them. So I just put the brooms down and let the kids do whatever they want.
Sometimes you have the desire to help a situation involving a child in front of you but it's best that you let the parents handle their own kids. You might be able to stop that once but what about the next time?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Yes that's true, it's not like the father is suddenly going to change his actions just because 1 person called him out on it.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
24 Jul 10
I probably wouldn't have said anything either even if it did cross my mind. And I'm also sure that I wouldn't have made the comment the man did even if the child had been pestering me all day. My kids tend to do the same and I know I am ready to snap ...even when I know people around me don't know how they have been irritating me all day. I might be a little harsh with my sons then and ask them to 'please stop with whatever it is they are doing' in a firm and harsher tone than normal....but never would have said 'shut up'. I've even been known to walk around with a grumpy face in public when my kids have got on my nerves a lot...but never to snap at them the way the man did. But if I saw or heard someone else snap that way....I would sympathize....but shut up and continue with my meal.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I think in that case I wouldn't have stepped in. I think unless they are hitting their child it really isn't my business if they yell at them. I've been stressed to the max with my kids and yelled at them probably harsher than needed a time or two. It is hard having to say "No don't do that" all day long and be ignored. (With 5 kids I'm sure you know what I'm talking about lol) I think if needed the woman could have said that but then just dropped it and let it go. Not stood there and argued back and forth about it.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
In my head I was totally agreeing with the woman.. but nothing short of abuse was going to make me stand up and step in. I totally know how it feels to be beyond stressed out.. I'm there the minute I wake up in the morning, lol. That's why I've had a day or two where the kids were in bed at 6pm.. I had just been to the point where I was spent! Thankfully when I do feel like I'm getting to a breaking point I can call or e-mail hubby while he's at work and vent to him, and in some cases he'll get on the phone with whichever child is acting up and he'll attempt to straighten them out. Or sometimes he'll stop home for a minute and give them reminders and warnings.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
20 Jul 10
I am too passive....if something like that happened and I truly believed it was wrong I would have probably brought it to the attention of someone in the restaurant...but wouldn't have the guts to do it myself! I haven't witness anything like this.....I hope I don't either!
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
20 Jul 10
katsmeow1213,
I am not used to telling parents off lest the situation warrants it like beatings. Usually, my wife would try to intervene by adding some form of distraction to the commotion as she cannot tolerate parents chiding their children in the public.
Not that she will retort at the adults but she will sort of bring a lollipop or toffee candy (which she never seems to run out) to pacify the child and convince them to calm down and not run around especially in a restaurant where there are hot food and soups being served around.
So far, I've yet to see her fail to pacify one child and I will always be standing or sitting close around expressionless, where my role will be the disciplinarian who takes away naughty children to never never land.
On the other hand, I am quite good with brawling restless babies who will just calm down and fall to sleep everytime when they are in my arms. A true blue baby sitter.
On the other hand, I am quite good with brawling restless babies who will just calm down and fall to sleep everytime when they are in my arms. A true blue baby sitter.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
20 Jul 10
No I wouldn't of said anything. Like you said you don't know how the child was before they entered the restaurant. Was the child complaining? tantrums shortly before they came in?
There had to been a reason. You don't just start staying something like that for no reason. Now if I had been badgered all day constantly over something I would of been reminding the child to behave themselves and be thankful they are going out to eat period and if they cannot behave they go home.
Perhaps the drive thru would of been a better option for that family.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Jul 10
As I said.. I saw no reason for the yelling at all.. when the father came to the table the girl was sitting down next to the mom and I didn't even hear her say anything.. but then again I wasn't paying attention.. I was speaking with my own kids (one of which was trying to climb all over the booths and I was attempting to make him sit down and eat). Needless to say once the argument broke out my kids were mesmerized and did and said nothing until it was over, lol.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Hi, katsmeow1213. No. I have never witnessed anything like this before. And if I did, I would have stayed out of anything. This woman was very bold to stand up for this child. I think that the father should have not said this to his daughter at all. Even is she did do something bad, it still does give him the excuse or right to talk to her in this manner. Her father is very nasty in tongue. If he had to hurt his daughter in any kind of way, I would have called the police on him. I would not say anything to him when he spoke to his child this way, I would have just let it be...
