How do you handle unsolicited advice?

Generally, I ignore it, but if it becomes too intrusive, I will speak up and say my piece. In your case, I wonder if it might not help to distance yourself.

I have the same situation what you have with my mother. But unfortunately I still live with her. Also my little daughter and my boyfriend. So I usually get many unsolicited advices per day - you don't do it right, you need to do this way...etc. I have learned ignore these advices, but it is very hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right, so my hands just fall down. Also my boyfriend have trouble with that - she likes to give advices to him also, but he isn't used to something like that. And that's way they are disputing all the time. I don't no how to change people like them (I mean mums), but I hope that I will not be like her.

Maybe it is time to have a talk with your mom. To maybe respectfully, straighten her out. And to say that she can always give her advice or voice out her opinions, but you wouldn't be necessarily taking them. To say that you have a common goal, in the well-being of your kids, and that although she may have more experience, you would know more about your own kids.

Arguing wont solve anything to begin with. There are two solutions for you. 1) You sit her down and tell her that you dont like it when she gives you order or tells you how to raise your kids. Be open, dont be angry, tell her you love her dearly but you want to do this YOUR WAY. IF she could refrain from giving you advice when you dont ask for it. 2) You keep saying "yes Im sure you're right, thank you mom" and do as you would normally do, your way. But at the end, you'll be the one suffering, you'll be the one bottling it up and its no good, it'll ruin your relationship with your mom. Hope this helps.......of course, Im talking from experience.!!!

hmm this IS tricky. I hate it when my mum used to tell me that she knew what was the best for me. We used to fight all the time. When I got older we did get along because after a while, I gave in and tried SOME (not all) of her advices. I did not get to fight with her when I had my firstborn because she passed away when he was still in my womb. But my sister did. She has had lots of fights with my late mom and i guess their fights were exactly like yours. Ok I dunno. I know exactly what you meant though and am very irritated by it becos my late mil was like that. Once i actually froze becos i was afraid of what she might say the moment i put the clothes in the wash. I do not know why they always think they know everything when they too are humans. My sister did listen though and her firstborn whom my mom had advised to take out from childcare turns out to be a very clever 16 year old. My advice is you should do what you think is best but if it seems to not work, maybe you should try what she has advised. You did say she too loves your kids. Since shes your mother, work around making her listen to you too. maybe she has forgotten whats its like to be scrutinised and criticised all the time. I think its worth every moment that you try to make peace with her. But I know that she too has to do her part which is to listen to you also. Maybe they should do a research on how well moms advice work but if they do, those moms should still be tactful!

My mother does the same thing. It's annoying but I have come to realize that she means well and I just ignore it. Sometimes I have to take 10 deep breaths. I figure she will never change and I do love her so I just say "okay" a lot.It's much better and makes the conversations shorter than were when I argued.

It's time for you to be a grown up and teach your Mum something. It's time she knew that you are in charge of your own life. You have a husband and a child and responsibilities towards them. Tell her what she means to you and hopefully that will be about love and respect but you must also tell her the truth. Being an adult and a parent puts you on the same level as your Mum...did you know that.? That means that you can say things to her as adults that you could not say as a child. Let her know how she is upsetting you and your family, let her know that you don't agree with all her advice, let her know that her controlling ways are driving a wedge between the two of you and that you don't want that to happen. The keep your distance for a while because I think you and your husband need some time apart from her for a while. Good luck.

Ah, such is the way of mothers. My mother did it to me and I find that I do it to my daughters. I might not always know what's best but my life experience comes with a certain amount of wisdom, and I like to share it. I don't get upset when my children don't follow my suggestions, they have to live their own lives and I mine. When it comes to parenting, my children do what they need to do, naturally, I offer my opinions, that's my way, I never overrule the decisions my children make with their children. Often my grandkids, when they are with me, want to do something that I know their parents do not allow and I abide with the choices of the parents. If I have doubts about whether the parents allow something I confer with them before I make any decisions. So, I think we have a balanced relationship, my children and me, there are a few things I am adamantly opposed to and they hear it. One child smokes pot and I let that child hear my strong opinions against it, there are some things that I will not put aside my principals for. I also make sure that my children know that I love them and would do everything I possibly can to help them should they need me. Your mother needs to know when to butt out. You are an adult and you need to raise your children and live your life the way you see fit. My mother was very much like yours and we had the same kind of relationship, we often stopped speaking for long periods. Good luck, it really won't stop. Arguing is not at all productive, I advise that you stop arguing, ignore what you don't want to hear and live your life your way.

Hi teenymarie my mom is very domineering and controlling as well. Whenever she tries to domineer me I inform her I am a big boy now, and she is to respect my decision.If she conitues I will either walk out of the house or inform her I will not talk with her on the phone until she grows up and stops it.If you were to infrom her all visitation rights would be canceeled as well until she stops interferring she will change.It had tremdous effect on my mom.Sometimes she starts to revert back to domineering.I just say MOOOOM STOP IT OR ELSE.She does not like it but she stops

My mother is the same way. My husband pretty much raised himself since a young age so it really makes him angry. He always says I haven't had a mother for 14 years and I darn sure don't need one now! I try to ignore her now when she does it to me. I know she means well but she is just overbearing and controlling as well sometimes. I have started a discussion like this one and people had very good advice for me and I am trying to apply it. It has helped too. So, my advice for you would be to ignore the advice unless it's something helpful, if it keeps happening keep a little distance from her for a little while. She will miss having you in her life and she might see what she's doing to you! Hope this helps a little =)

I would just tell her thanks for you thought but I am going to try it my way. Or even ask her if her mother or mother in law every gave you advise when you were young. Maybe this would make her think. I would just ignore it and do what you need to do as their mother. As for staying home with them I think that is wonderful you can get them playdate for socialization. I would love to be able to stay home with just my daughter but I need an income so now I run a daycare. I am sure you might want to tell her well thanks for the advice but you had your turn when you were raising me and now it is my turn to raise my kids and I would like the chance to do it my way without you always questioning me. But that could cause a big fight. I am sure she is just trying to help but some moms are just pusher than others. Good luck and I hope the arguing stops at some point.

What ever the advice given by the elders seems important to the younger as they had been experienced before us. They may give you only the good advice but if you fine it is an unsolicited advice, it is in your hand to handle it. If they happen to give me unsolicited advice I used to ignore, which I fine is harmful to me and I take which I fine is helpful to me.

i know that problems are typical ,as a parents of two daughters ,many time we take extra care and want children to learn from our experience,and not to commit same mistake which we have commited and many times we have seen commiting mistakes by others ,Your mom loves you very much ,that is main problem and she still treat you as child ,every parents thinks like that ,but you should tell your mother that you are grown up and competent to take decision ,whenever you will need advice ,you will certainly consult her ,she is your mother ,do not heart her ,tackel her very carefully ,otherwise her heart will be broken ,i know you will not like this.

My mom and I have always had a pretty good relationship. She gave advice when I was planning my wedding, but as soon as I told her I was pregnant, she became grandmazilla. She gave me advice on what I should eat, what I should and should not register for, what baby books to read. she went so far as to take a baby book that she did not approve of out of my house. At first, I thought it was just baby brain, I was always misplacing stuff while I was pregnant, but then when I was visiting my mom and dad's house, I found the book stashed up on top of their bookshelf. I have since set down boundaries. Now that she sees that I am handling parenthood fine, she does not give as much unsolicited advice. As for my mother-in-law, when she is starting to step over the imaginary line in the sand, I call her by her mother-in-laws name. It brings her back to reality.

I just listen to it. If I think it would do good to me, I give it a try. If it would only harm me than disregard.

There are parents that are over protected to their children some just let you do your way and if there's something wrong the way you do it then that's the time they will enter the picture. Parents does always think what's best for their children. As in your case, she's trying to help you out as a parent and giving her insights. It does not mean that you'll listen to her since as a parent to your kids you also know what's best for them. It's painful sometimes since you may think that she is mingling with your life and all her insights isn't that necessary. But you must think that she's doing it for your own good as well. Though sometimes or you may think that it may not be necessary but that's how she think of helping you out. I grew up with my parents and watching them how they taught us while we grew up. I realized that some of the ways they did was not necessary and some are helpful. Avoiding her won't solve the problem. It's just create a gap between you and her. It would be better if you could adjust on the situation. And you also need to show to her that you can take good care of your kids and also appreciate her insights though it does not mean that you need to follow it.