repeat after me
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
July 22, 2010 1:46pm CST
When he asks:
Why can't I touch you?
Why can't I kiss your hand?
Why don't you want a hug?
Why don't you come back to the bedroom?
Why don't we plan a trip together?
Why don't we renew our vows?
etc.
Repeat as often as necessary:
Because we're getting a divorce.
When he says:
I'm just being positive about things
Repeat as often as necessary:
I'm positive we're getting a divorce.
Thanks for the tips, Holly, now I just have to practice.
Have you ever seen a person so in denial and delusional after his wife filed for divorce that he could continue to say such things? And believe that they would be received well?
Sheesh...
An anvil could fall on the man's head and it wouldn't even dent it, his skull is so thick.
End rant....
8 people like this
28 responses
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I'd have to ask him, "Just what is it about 'WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED' that you don't understand?" Point blank, no blinking. Just staring at him until I get an answer.
Yep, he is probably the most delusional man I've ever heard about. I thought I had a hard-headed husband but you win!
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
Been there, done that. No impact.
One of the things he said last night was that he only realized I was serious when I filed for divorce. What he doesn't realize yet is that I am DONE.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
He's not and he says he doesn't need counseling.
I guess in CA the divorce is approximately 6 months after he was served, but there is still some paperwork to be done. With no help from his side. Which means a court date. bleah
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Still, it's a lot easier than if you lived in Maryland. I was divorced in Maryland. They require you to be physically separated at LEAST 12 months before you can even FILE for divorce. If it's uncontested, it can take up to two years to finalize it.
1 person likes this
@cobrateacher (8432)
• United States
22 Jul 10
Hey, D!
I hope you have better luck with time. I divorced my first husband more than 30 years ago, and he still tells the kids to tell me to come home, where I belong. He knows I married John, and we're very happily married, but he chooses to ignore that fact.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
23 Jul 10
I am not wise enough to tell you a thing Dawny. I just know one thing right now. I want to break free of my prison, and I cant. Our society wont allow, and people will not understand me leaving a 76 year old. I will be left with no friends at all - relatives are out anyway - no happy memories to fall back on, and an uncertain probably sickly future. Today I just want to be free of it all and I understand how it feels! Last beating July 14th, 2010. Emancipation of women, BS, human rights violation BS. May be if I were not educated, I would be happier. I wouldnt know about your world, and hope for such things out here. I wouldnt feel so miserable as I am feeling and I could take beatings in my stride.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
Beating? Are you serious? And there's no recourse? 
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
Some people do walk out on parents when the relationship becomes intolerable, at least in this country. But it sounds like you think things will be worse if you do. So I guess you just have to do what you can do to be safe until he's not physically capable of doing it any more.
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
23 Jul 10
Yes, it is not easy to live alone. I have lived in hostels for many years, and it was a lively atmosphere. Living all alone will depress me more I think. I dont know. Today I have had the guts to tell him I am keen on moving out. It is scary and may be too late as well. I dont know whether I am doing right also. I mean, he could have put me into worst schools, instead of putting me in good ones. He didnt. Now, he is old. Is it fair? Will my conscience forgive me if anything bad happens after I leave? I dont even know if I care for him anymore. But there were some very sweet times. May be I am sentimental. I havent much to hang on to life anyway. So may be I am clutching to those. Vandy should get depressed, and go the way her mom went, but the problem is she doesnt. :) Even today I was thinking I will move out, I will take two mattresses, two bedsheets, and my personal belongings, and a couple of vessels, and so on.. and the financial aspect of it, instead of thinking what do I have to live for. There is nothing at the other end. May be that is why god tries to break my spirit. I dont know. I have told him today I want to move away. He's been quiet after that.
1 person likes this
@hexeduser22 (7419)
• Philippines
23 Jul 10
That's a scary thought, for a guy like me that is, I don't know much about your guy though.
Finding myself in such a situation where my files a divorce would be pretty devastating for me because that would mean only two things, I'm not a good husband and she found someone greater than me. Somehow I could say I can be a pretty good husband so the second reason would be the only reason that would make my wife leave me.
Base upon your previous discussion I can say your guy had not been a pretty good husband to you. I wish you well and I'm sure you will be happier when you are finally divorced.
Be sure to have some time for yourself and be stress free.
Divorce can really be stressful, right?
2 people like this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
22 Jul 10
My Nan once stuck a fork into my Grandad's bald head because he didn't do as she asked. I can't remember what it was about but it certainly woke him up..so to speak!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
lol but that wouldn't look good in court either.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
Thank you thank you thank you for the laugh. I needed that.
Too bad I gave the old cutlery away. I'd hate to mess up the new stuff!!!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
22 Jul 10
There are hundreds...nay THOUSANDS of people on here that would back you up Dawn if you - well, put him in hospital.
"He made me do it...he did, really..he made me do it! He wouldn't shut up so I HAD to do it..I HAD to stick a fork into his head!"
Mmm, I see what you mean!
(((HUGS)))
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
In 2008 I had divorce papers drawn up. After I couldn't file, he talked me into a new car. The good news is, I have a new car. The bad news is, I have a car payment.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
AND we didn't put as large a down payment on it as we had originally planned, and now he's complaining about splitting the money that we would have used for the down payment. Sigh...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jul 10
Hi dawn,
Ya, my ex was like that. It was ridiculous. He continued to be in denial long after I was out and living on my own. One night he showed up at my place, drunk and asking me when I was going to come to my senses. He thought I was the one in denial and that somewhere deep down that I still loved him. The fact is that I did but it was a really toxic relationship and I had to get out of it and had no desire to go back to it. He said "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone." I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I do not love you." He said, "Say it like you mean it." Again, I repeated myself. This continued until I shouted "I don't f-ing love you!!!" so loud that the landlord came rushing over to see if I was ok. all that and guess what? He still didn't get it. I had to put some miles between us to break the cycle or lord knows how long it would have gone on.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jul 10
Hi Dawn,
One can only hope that your husband is not as persistent as mine was. It just seems to be a guy thing. They suddenly come around and want to do everything to make it work once they realize that you are seriously DONE. Keep up the good work in setting boundaries.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
I hope so, but I wouldn't be totally surprised if he didn't. though tonight he was talking about why should we split up if we're just going to get back together in 5 years.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
22 Jul 10
I guess he is baiting you to do something stupid and drastic to ruin your chances of getting custody and/or alimony. Be careful, don't fall into his trap. It may not just be his stubborness (aka denial). Just coverin your back, hun.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
23 Jul 10
What a very daft man. He thinks he has a stronger will than you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
And he believes he's right. What a combination...
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
I doubt it. He hasn't filed a response or anything. He really believes he can talk me into reconsidering.
But don't worry, I am not about to do anything stupid.
@marguicha (223096)
• Chile
22 Jul 10
Can´t you take your children and go for vacations somewhere? It doesn´t have to be a resort: camping would be enough. What I mean is: you have to get away from that man! Do all your children know you´re getting a divorce? They didn´t, the last time.
Plan a trip wihout him. The only way is to show it. Words are not enough. I learnt that in literature
.
.1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 10
Vacation in 2 weeks. Camping. He may not be able to get the week off. I'm hoping. Twins do not know yet, Naomi was gone, and now they're at grandma's. Yeah we need to tell them. And I'd love to do a separate vacation. Why that sad, puppy dog face of his, "what, without me?", gets to me so much, idk.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
Sleeping bag on the lounger under the canopy? Less work than putting up a tent!
@marguicha (223096)
• Chile
23 Jul 10
I´m yelling at you like people yell at Extreme makeover when they shout: "Move that bus!" Only I shout"Cut that umbilical cord!!! Please! Just do without him AFTER telling ALL the kids that you are getting a divorce. Can you omagine Dearra having to keep the news by herself and not being able to cry with th twins just because you haven´t told them yet? Don´t wait until R tells them: he still hopes you´ll repent.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
I'm pretty sure I never said he was horrible.
Looks back through threads.
Nope, I didn't.
Seriously, sorry marriage needs to be respected by both sides. He broke the trust and lost my respect long ago.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
24 Jul 10
I see. So this is more than "I don't love you, and I'm leaving"?
Even so, getting online and telling the world "An anvil could fall on the man's head and it wouldn't even dent it, his skull is so thick." is horrible.
Two wrongs, doesn't make it right.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Jul 10
Seriously suggesting that an anvil should fall on his head is horrible. Jestingly using that to make the point that I can't get through to him is not.
but then he always said I had a problem admitting I was wrong.
@much2say (55655)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Jul 10
Anvil? How about a grand piano (that seems to be the alternative to anvils on Looney Tunes - hee hee)?!
Well, gotta give it to R for trying I guess. It's kinda like he just finished watching the sparklers spark (fireworks) and he's left with a burnt stick in his hand . . . but he's still trying to light it to see if there are any sparks left.
Stay strong, Dawn, stay strong!!! 
Stay strong, Dawn, stay strong!!! 1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
25 Jul 10
Those are strong words...."in denial" "delusional". When you finally split and the penny drops...what will happen to him? Will he be stable?
This guy is thinking things are semi OK and this has been going on for a while now. Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel yet...dragging things out seems wrong somehow.
Some guys really lose it when they finally realise that their world has fallen apart. The way he talks to you, what you started this discussion with is really weird Dawn.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Jul 10
I think he's more stable than not. But when things really come crushing down, I just don't know.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Jul 10
Your ex is just as hard-headed as my husband. I think that if anything should ever happen that our relationship was over, I don't think that he would want to accept it. Now, that said, I don't know that I would be able to deal with the prospect of a divorce either. You see, over the years that my husband and I have been together, I think we've both become very co-dependent and I don't think that either of us would be able to exist alone.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Jul 10
We're very co-dependent too, but I'm pretty sure I will manage.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 10
It did. And then he started on me last night yet again...
@AutumnGold (1056)
•
23 Jul 10
Hello Dawnlad. Men can be slow at times, sometimes things take a while to sink in :) I've experienced that in the past when relationships have broken up, they think it's just a phase we're going through but it's not, it's over. It's a shame in a way because it's hard for them but they have to come to terms with it eventually and sometimes the blunt approach is the best way.
1 person likes this
@sjt_singh079 (3)
• India
23 Jul 10
baby i touch you . i kiss you now baby don'tsad.
1 person likes this
