Is it ok to fall in love with a man who already has a family?
By aquinoma05
@aquinoma05 (162)
Philippines
July 23, 2010 6:17pm CST
I wasn't married yet, but I do have 2 kids and I broke up with their father recently. I met this man who comforts me when we broke up. Being so vulnerable at that time. I fell in love with him not knowing that he was already in love with me prior to my confession. I thought that its okay, thou I sometimes I think that it is not right. At first we talked about it and we came with an understanding that we will just be there for one another and not to be serious with it. It came to a point that he finally fell in love with me so seriously that he was ready to break up with his gf/wife [since they are not married] just for me. This man has 3 kids, with 1 boy and 2 girls. I came to realize afterward that what I am doing is not right. Then I talked to him and told him that it needs to be stopped. Now he's mad at me and accused me of being not truthful to him. I love him but I know that, that kind of relationship should be stopped. I don't wanna ruin another family just for the sake of my happiness. Sometimes I think about what happened. I asked my self when can you say that it's okay to have a relationship with someone who has a family of his own. I know what I did is the right thing to do. But I wanna know somebody else opinion....
2 people like this
23 responses
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
24 Jul 10
To me you have made a good decision. It is no use to break up a family for our own happiness. There's a saying that to love does not mean to own. You can still love him from a far and be happy when he is happy with his family. I think that what love is: to wish the best for the loved one and not to be selfish.
Let him being mad at you and stay away for a while. He may see your reason and respect your decision. Hopefully he will act responsibly toward his family just as you making the good decision even if it hurts.
I think I am rambling here, so I'd better stop.
1 person likes this
@constaanta (571)
• Germany
24 Jul 10
A well done comment on this situation. It gives a lot of freedom not to own the loved one(s). In a similar situation I had to learn this and I ended with kind of a quantification: To love according to Jesus' "666-principle": 6 units of selfish love to survive myself .... 60 units of love for all my family, friends and even enemies .... but the real playground is 600 units to love my God (that is to follow his rules, be it the Christian or Moslem or Jewish God).
@ynowiziki (79)
• China
24 Jul 10
'to wis the best for the loved one and not to be selfish',nice word,yes this called real love...but it is a little difficulty to make this decision at that moment and of course ver painful for that guy...
@aquinoma05 (162)
• Philippines
24 Jul 10
yah! that's what i thought as well since I already have 2 kids and a complicated life. So why add more complications?
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
24 Jul 10
It is never ok to fall in love with a married man or a man that is in a committed relationship. It is the same as stealing the affection from another. Not only that but if some one cheats as this man chances are he will do the same thing to you. You did the right thing by breaking it off with him.
@ehsanji (503)
• Pakistan
24 Jul 10
I think you should control on your emotions because it will lead to nothing but creating misunderstandings between him and his family. I don't think you are that mean. I think you will let that person live comfortably with his family. Besides, it is immoral to be in a relation other than marriage. You do respect your moral values, and I am sure about that. Let's not make things complicated.
@akiadranem (403)
• Philippines
24 Jul 10
Now, this is a very dangerous ground you're in. I'm gonna tell you something. I'm a wife and a mother of three kids. And I'm saying that if my husband ever cheated on me, I'm just gonna ask him flat out, "Are you in love with her or not? Do you not love me anymore?" If he says, "Yes, I love her and No I don't love you anymore." Then I'm gonna let him go because I wouldn't want to stuck in a loveless marriage. Now, the question here is, are you absolutely sure he loves you? Be absolutely sure, else you're bound to ruin a family.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
24 Jul 10
When is it ok to have a relationship with someone who has a family?
Well, reverse the situation. Put yourself in the place of the other persons wife. How would you feel if your husband was running off with another women? Doesn't this girl of his, want a faithful husband, just like you do? So how can you steal away her husband, and not be guilty?
Another problem is, if he is ditching his wife and kids, why do you want him? We have a saying here in America.
"If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you"
In other words, this man no doubt *said* he loved and cared for his current wife. He likely told her that he'd be there for her, and comfort her. Now he is ditching her.
Now you are the girl he's *saying* he'll be there for, and care for, and comfort. What makes you think he'll love you any more than the last one? Soon he'll find another girl, and tell her that he loves her, and cares for her, and will comfort her, while he ditches you.
You did the right thing. And I know you did, because he got angry about it, and accused you of being untrue. People who are unfaithful always accuse others of what they are doing, when provoked. As soon as you wanted it cut off, he accused you of doing what he was doing. He's scum. Be happy you got rid of him.
@jasmeena (846)
• Indonesia
24 Jul 10
NEVER!!!I don`t want to have relationship with married man or a man who still in relationship with his GF. I remember there is a man, who is in relationship with his GF ( long distance relationship), he said he liked me and every time he called (he doesn`t call too often), he wants to meet me at the HOTEL...Oh, NEVER!!!
@darylT (85)
• Philippines
24 Jul 10
you know the answer to your question. maybe you just need the reassurance that you did the right thing. well, you sure did and i congratulate you for it. i have been in that same situation before though i don't have any kids. i fell for a guy who was recently separated. the relationship ended before it could even take off. i couldn't sleep, thinking i was the reason he's not coming back to his wife. our conscience has a way of reminding us of the right thing to do.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
24 Jul 10
If he cannot be with one women do you think he will be with you for a long time. I am not trying to hurt your feelings but i have seen people change partners for plaure and after some time th elove is lost. Please think before you take a decission.
@xiaomo3644 (55)
• China
24 Jul 10
I support your decision.If I were in your shoes,I think I'll feel guilty if the man breaks up with his family because of me.Love is free, but if a man has already have a family, have some kids and his wife,he shoudl be responsible for his family.It's immoral to ruin someone's family. So I agree with you and wish you can meet some right one and live a happy life~
@ynowiziki (79)
• China
24 Jul 10
I think you make a very good decision here,It would feel more guilty if a man love somebody with breaking his familily...I wish you can deal with this and move on...
@blackcube (31)
• Hungary
24 Jul 10
I think you made the right decision not starting a serious relationship with a man who already has a family. Being with a divorced man with children is one thing, but having someone quit his family for you is an other. Even though he has problems with his girlfriend/wife you shouldn't let him go from them directly to you. If he is unhappy, let him leave his previous love because he wants to continue without her, not because he'd feel a lot better by your side. First he should take responsibility and start over on his own, then he can propose to you again. ...isn't that how it should be? Leaving someone when you can directly go to another, switching women like that is cowardice to my mind. Sorry for being harsh on your man, but I truly despise of this kind of behavior. A girl can no longer dream of eternal love because people started to prefer switching partners to solving problems. So sad...
@appygudu (35)
• India
24 Jul 10
The wife of this man you started loving after break up is just like you when you were after break up. So please they have 3 children try to improve their bond, leave this person. What if in future he would leave you for some other girl, just like he is leaving his wife for you. You are already having children take care ofthem, don't try such guys who are ready to leave their wife because in future he can leave you.
@khalida (1126)
• India
24 Jul 10
well what you did was right! it takes a lot of character to take a decision like you did! it is better to end such a relationship than to feel guilty all your life!! but your children should be brought up without getting the feeling of missing their dad! so try the best you can for your family and your involvement will make you forget everything else! :)
@putrapajang (18)
• Indonesia
24 Jul 10
well done I think you make a good decission and not hurt his wife and his kids you can find the other guys alone and make a relationship till have married without hurt anybody
@mokkka (881)
• Bulgaria
24 Jul 10
It is definitely not ok but as it has happened once you cannot change anything.It is just the simple rule of life- things that are forbidden are sweeter.It is bad for you because you won't have the chance to feel your love as strong as it in fact is but your time will pass with a lot of worries and cry.This is the bad side of such a relation that you know it is not right and you may destroy his family but to be unable to stop seeing him.
@charmlenile (387)
•
24 Jul 10
You already know that his married and besides you know from that starts that its not legal. If they are not married even so they have kids just think about it.Do you think it would be right. I think not because at the end no matter what you do.We all knows what men really are at the end what will happen to you.men do knows what his rightful place for his family.For you, you have the chance to get a descent man to love you and called your own but for a married man. I think its not proper.
