How to deal with the relationship between parent and us?
By optimist3431
@optimist3431 (7)
China
July 24, 2010 7:59am CST
I'm very unhappy these days.I live with my parents in law, we two generations have so many different attitude of life, that led to many unnessary contradictions.My husband is always on business trip,we communicate a little. How should I do that can avoid such kind of things? Could you please direct me some experienced talk? Thanks in advance!
2 people like this
4 responses
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Jul 10
hi optimist3431 try to bear with the older people and try not to judge
as we never really judge right anyway. Be discreet and respectful as they are as you said a different generation. Remember that while you feel unhappy over their different attitudes of life, maybe they too see some of your attitudes as upsetting to them.Why not just let the contradictions go over your head, just because they say something that you do not like, does not mean you have to follow their sayings at all. You may want to tell them that you respect them for their age b ut you also have a right to your own opinions too.Ask them to respect your feelings as you respect theirs. this is called the Golden Rule.do unto others as you would have them do unto you.As a person probably of the same generation as your parents in law, I have learned that if I keep my mouth shut and listen to the younger generation I can learn so much, and the other side if you just listen sometimes you can learn something too. I know its hard to live with inlaws for sure. I was lucky as mine were a state away. We were on our own, My own parents did live close by but my mom and my hubby got along just fine
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Jul 10
thanks for best response I do realize its not easy to live with in laws, I was fortunate that I and my hubby lived in a different state than his parents. When I did get a chance to meet them his mom seemed really sweet but alas she was married to a man who loved to drink, andI mean like getting drunk all the time.
@optimist3431 (7)
• China
25 Jul 10
"Ask them to respect your feelings as you respect theirs",Hatley, you talked a lot of good sense, In fact, I just do as you said,but my parent couldn't act as your saying.I think I should take time to communicate with them. And living close by is a good way to avoid some conflict.
Thank you Hatley.
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
24 Jul 10
I guess this all depends on what exactly you are talking about. You mention contradictions, but you don't say what they are.
There usually is some kind of conflict between the older generation and their ways of thinking, in comparison to the younger generation. Each side needs to give in a little and broaden their horizons to get along, especially if they are living together. Problem is, it's their house and not yours, so you have to follow their rules. That can be hectic but it keeps the peace.
Is there any possibility of moving and getting your own place? What are you arguing about, or what are you not getting along about?
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
25 Jul 10
"Problem is, it's their house and not yours, so you have to follow their rules."
Exactly! Until then set your sights on earning until you can get enough money to be out on your own, but just remember they mean well, even if they aren't exactly on the same page as you.
@optimist3431 (7)
• China
25 Jul 10
In fact, the house we live is my own, they just don't want to live with us,but they are willing to take care of my 4 years-old son,if they could not see him over 3 days, they will miss him so much.They are unable to understand why I always late to sleep and late to wake up in the morning.They always knock my door to wake me up in spite of my setting alarm on my cell phone.I couldn't say anything except keeping silence, otherwise they will complain to my hubby. I don't wanna to bring such kind of trouble to my hubby because I think he will be caught in between.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
24 Jul 10
My husband and I live with his parents. There are some things we bump heads on, or that either myself or my husband doesn't like, but for the most part we get along. I was always taught to be respectful and I think that's stopped me from making a fool of myself by getting angry when I really shouldn't. That's just our situation though.
For you I would just suggest trying to get to know them some more, this would be the perfect time while your husband is away on business, and who knows you might be able to surprise your husband when he gets home.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
24 Jul 10
me also sometimes me and my stepfather used to argue a lot. now i dont say anything to avoid arguements also he didnt talk rude with me so. i dont like when someone talks rude and sometimes we argue. and yes you are right is normal kids and parents argue sorry that you have that situation too. i know is hard but it will be better you will see just try to avoid arguements. about your husband being far thats so sad :(
