No communication....
By PDBME2
@PDBME2 (1014)
United States
July 24, 2010 9:55am CST
Well it's been well over a year since I have talked to my sister. I was thinking about this the other day but not unhappy about it. She chose to break communication with me over her argument with my husband. My husband said he saw her yesterday pick up her daughter from our neighbors house but neither turned to look towards our house. My son passed by them in his scooter yet they didn't say anything to him, he is only 6 years old. She lives no more than 2 miles away from me yet she visits my neighbors daughter than me. I was just wondering is it wrong not to feel bothered by the whole thing? Sometimes a lady at church asks me if I have spoken to her and I say no. I mentioned this to a fellow church member and she said she couldn't imagine having no communication with a sibling yet I just feel that I have done everything to please my sister. I don't think the argument is about my husband but between me and her. I never seem to satisfy her, I'm told what to do all the time (I'm older), I was used as a babysitter for many years, bank institution, a shoulder to cry on when her life was in chaos. Does anyone else feel like this about their own sibling?
2 people like this
6 responses
@Katie2009 (144)
• China
25 Jul 10
Sorry to see you bond in such a relation. From your account, it appeared clearly that you did not do anything wrong concerning this matter. Your sister was not spiritually nurtured well according to her deeds since she until now does not know how to tell the right from wrong. Too obstinate and self-centered is she that she overlooks emothions and feelings of others. She beholds the unfavorable thought and recalls it just to renew the painful senses of her own. I do not have a sister, however, I have had communication problems with my intimates. Like an ice remained between us when such thing happened. You know, when you are so close to your friends, they are like your eyes and ears, just like one of your families. When I had problems with them, we either talked it out when both were chill,or my other friends would come to comfort us and sort things out. Therefore, how about letting some of your shared friends to teach her your love and kindness to her for so many years? She needs to be directed by some wise people and people of eloquence which can give a hand in supporting one's arguement. How do you like this idea?
I am so sorry that you have to suffer this all alone and she indulges herself in vague feelings. I will pray for you and your sister, hoping you would hold each other's hands again.
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
25 Jul 10
It is funny what you said that in some way she is not spiritually nurtured. The lady that used to babysit her kids told me the same thing about my sister. There were times that I used to try to tell her that life goes by so fast and in some ways she thinks her life will remain the same, healthy. I have been through hard times in life and I try to warn her about what might happen yet she thinks I try to rule her life. She can't take criticism yet she always criticizes back. There were times when she just refused to even talk to my parents and I would beg her that if something happened she would regret it. She is very stubborn.
@Katie2009 (144)
• China
25 Jul 10
Well, that just proves it, does it not? Does she go to church? If she does, I wonder how she handles her relationship with God. Life is short and it is done when it is done. She, as a mother, should be capable enough to know the meaning of life and time. It makes wonder whether she is psychologically disturbed. You know, it has something to do with neurons. What about her husband? As stubborn as she is? Does he talk to you? How is her marriage life? My friend told me that vitamine B complex helps to ease people and help them think. (You might ask your brother-in-law to grind some vitamine B and put in her meal.) Just joking,nature unchanged makes everything difficult.
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
28 Jul 10
Her husband left her for someone else a few years ago. He didn't help her much with the kids, in fact he was in prison most of their lives. I don't have much against him because they were very young when they got together. We've all tried to help them get by but with involvement in gangs he went back, he's been out now for over a year and sees the kids at his new family's house. It's really sad to see the kids go through so much. My sister well...she was last involved with someone ten years younger than her. I tell her he is nice but too young, he had often told her he would never married a divorced woman with kids.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
24 Jul 10
No, I do not have this problem with my sister. We have had our differences over the years but never to a point of not speaking.
It's a shame that this is happening to you both, and I think it really does bother you, but you're covering this up. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong, but something tells me you wish things would just be normal.
Life is too short to do this, and she should not take this out on your kids or you. This was a problem between your husband and her and it's showing her immaturity by doing this. Would it be possible just to sit down with her and talk this out? It's just such a shame.
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
24 Jul 10
Not really because I found her daughter one time at the store during the holidays so I told her I was going to buy her her Christmas gift. My sister found us and she hauled her away, told me that she didn't want anything from me. Her daughter's birthday was in March so her daughter invited my kids over, I let them go since it was at our neighbours house. My sister told my son it had nothing to do with them because the argument was between us. I told my son "She said that?" well if it was true she will remember that it's your brother's birthday next month. We didn't hear from her. She has always been like that, looking out for herself. I wish things could be normal but I have to face it they are not. I haven't done anything wrong to her, in fact I have helped her out alot but this time for her it wasn't enough. What I'm worried now is what will happen when one of our parents pass away to be in a situation where she will be present. I know she will give me dirty looks because that is all she has done. She is like that with my parents too.
2 people like this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
24 Jul 10
Awww, I'm really sorry to hear all this, so sad. She sounds like a very stubborn person and it's only going to backfire on her eventually.
No, you haven't done a thing wrong, she's the problem. And if it doesn't have anything to do with the kids like she said, why didn't she say hello to your son when she saw him the other day? Yeh, you're right, there is nothing you can do until she comes to her senses and stops being so selfish. I can't even imagine what would happen if your parents passed on, you being the oldest I would hope you'd have more to say about it than anyone else. Good luck.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
27 Jul 10
PDBME2,
I am surprised that your sister is still harboring so much animosity towards you and I feel that she must really be quite a difficult person with others as well.
Does this have anything to do with her bad marriage? Or, bad job?
I suppose there's really nothing much you can do to diffuse the misunderstandings between the both of you than to keep the distance between, for now.
Take care.
@med889 (5941)
•
2 Aug 10
My two sisters are married and there is one among them who is very dear to me and she is a problem solver and even a good friend who is always here for me, but as she is very far we can only talk through phones which is not very cool but convenient enough to still have some conversation. I really miss here and there are even times when I say " My sister would have advise me on this subject if she was here"
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
2 Aug 10
My husband and me were talking about this last night. He was saying how he has let his relationship with his siblings drift away to avoid problems so he can understand me. I told him "Yes you let it drift away but your siblings have never told you they don't want to talk to you, so stay away..." I never thought about it but those are my sister's words "To keep away" it was either her or my husband. I miss her but I was just realizing that I have held on to her each time until she quit on me. I am pretty good on hanging on to relationships even if they don't want to talk to me or ignore me but since she has ordered me to not be a part of her life, what can I do?
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
That's sad. I can't imagine my self not talking for that long to any family members. If ever it will happen to me I'd be bothered. I'm very close with everyone in the family. I really think you should try to talk to her. She is still your sister. Even if she's the one at fault I think you should at least try to communicate. If no one will be humble enough to approach between the two of you then the gap might get bigger.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
That's really sad. It's good that you did your best to keep in touch with her and her daughter. It seems like in your situation it's only you as of now who's willing to make up for the lost times and patch things up. If that's the case then no matter what you do the effort will just be wasted. I think you've done your part. Maybe it's not just yet the right time and your sister is not yet ready to kiss and make up. I think in this situation you just have to wait for the right timing. The best you can do now is to be there for her and her family in times or case they needed you.
I was not in good terms for awhile with one of my Aunts. No matter what I do she never responds to me. We had some sort of misunderstanding. Then one day I sent her a text message and told her I'm pregnant and expecting a baby in 6 months time. I was surprised when she responded. I just gave birth about 4 days ago and she was among those people who congratulated me and wished me well right after I gave birth. She even called me up twice. It took one year before she talked to me again.
I hope everything will turn out fine between you and your sister if not sooner then someday. I wish you well!
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
25 Jul 10
I tried to when her daughter was in the hospital. We just got in an argument at the hospital. Then when I saw her at the store I thought she would appreciate the fact that I wanted to buy something for her daughter. Her daughter is only ten and she has a MySpace account so we're friends. She tells me that her mom and me will never meet eye to eye on things. She is sad about it but her loyalty is her mom. I won't ignore her if I see her, she is only a child but I know the more time we don't talk the further distance her daughter and me will have.
@kristinad (185)
• United States
28 Jul 10
i have my moments when i feel like nothing i do is good enough for her.But i do feel that it is not right for your kids not to be apart of there life and how her kids are not apart of yours. even if you don't wont to see your sister you should make a day were the kids at least get to gether to see each other. just because the 2 of you don't wont to talk doesn't mean the kids don't wont to
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
28 Jul 10
Well my niece and me have written to each other through MySpace. When I see her visit our neighbour I call her over to talk. She doesn't stay long because my sister's friend tells her to come back to her house to wait for her mom. I don't think my sister would allow her to come over. Believe me I think I have done more in trying to get the kids together but I think she has forbidden her daughter to come over. Her son is already a teenager so he has his own thing going on because his sister told me that she gets bored at home. She called my parents yesterday and wanted to know why my son was with my parents. She was upset, seems like she wants my parents not to be involved with my kids as well. Well it's too bad because my kids are so much part of my parents lives.
