friends that become like strangers........

@saphrina (31551)
South Africa
July 25, 2010 11:22am CST
The only good thing of my weekend was to spend saturday on the wild reserve again. When i figure out the upload thingie i will show you the pics. But to get to the point. My friends wife has changed a lot and i mean really. Her personality, her moods, hell everything. I actually could not figure her out as she is like a closed book to me. We have known each other for about 10 years now and it feels like i have never met this women before. Why, we don't know. I never knew people can change so much. Did you ever experience changes in your friends that made them complete strangers?
3 people like this
41 responses
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
25 Jul 10
Hi saph, Yes, one is yourself. What I had observed that all your posts both the discussion you started and comment would be brief and crispy. But lo! today it is all different. A relatively longer post and the matter too is serious. (I never said you were not serious ). That your friend's wife was all a different person was possibly due to the fact that presently you are on mylot very busy like a bee and sucking honey from all species of flowers and alike. And she thought why not she too changed a little bit and wear some humor and wit and pun things so that the monotony of life got erased to some extant. On the serious note. People possess an adjusting knack and when situation demands they change accordingly. Some time retrospection too help a lot. While observing people around, one who is seemingly an intro, feel that he/she needed to be more the other human beings and look for more fun and happiness. This is all realization that forces one to change. nice one.
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
no, let me change it, I like the whole response... and I like this whole discussion angel.... and do not worry, a perfect time would tell us the truth why some people change.... for now, relax and let your wings off from flying, and know you have been to the wild reserve... it must be tiring for sure....
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
25 Jul 10
I knew you would like the first part of the response.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
I know we change according to situations, life styles and whatnot, sweetie. But to become a total stranger to those that are close to you. Scary. I liked the first part of the response better. TATA.
• United States
25 Jul 10
Something like this happened to me the first year i got to high school. I had the two best friends anyone could ever ask for , but when we got our schedules for the year i realized that i didn't have any classes with either if them. We kind of just drifted apart after that, we all became different people. Years later I hardly think them or why we just gave up on our friendship. It doesn't bother me anymore because i have dozens of wonderful new friends who replaced them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
I just say that people is my bestfriend already if the friendship we had is already tested by times.... by trials.... Hello angel, talk to you later okay....
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
At least you have a lot of new friends now sweetie. Maybe those 2 are thinking of you sometimes. One will never really know, will we? TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
25 Jul 10
I did sweetie! And I felt sad. But we all move on without realizing, and find new friends. Like I found a nice sweet blondie, who is always jovial, so I kinda like her a lot, you know. :)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
I guess I know that blonde vannie So now tell me, I guess I like her too for being so witty, for being so kind and for being so tender.... Hello angel.... stay calm okay, I am just right here....
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
I don't mind moving on Vannie. It is just sad to loose someone you are really good friends with. Who the heck is that damn blond? Really, she seem to make a damn nuisance of herself. TATA.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
26 Jul 10
Saphy, around the same time last year, I was in similar pain. I didnt know the friend for 10 years, just about 5 years or so. But I had been with her through her divorce, and helped her on her feet. I started thinking of her like my child, and she also said I'd been more than a mom to her. But... I was a fool!!! he he. And you know what, I still get caught with such words. he he. A few days ago, she wrote to me - very touching mail. This time, I consulted a good friend, and he said a strict NO to this friendship. I guess, it is curtains then. When Biswa calls me Ma saphy, he touches my heart. I have been more than compensated for my pain by god. :) I have good friends like you here, and a child. What more can I ask? And I really appreciate your honesty Saphy. You acknowledged you are a nuisance!
• Malaysia
25 Jul 10
hi Tinkerbell yes i have experienced what you have asked. i used to have a few really close friends who did drift away all of a sudden. but when i do a bit of asking around, they all have one thing in common when they did drift off... something emotionally big happened to them, and they had a total change of perspective on a lot of things. it was a bit sad in the beginning when it felt as if i don't know them anymore and we act like strangers.. but now when i think of it, if they did change for the betterment of their own lives, than i am happy for them. and i will still try to help them if they call upon me for assistance
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
26 Jul 10
Wow, you've managed to use just the right name for our blonde.
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
26 Jul 10
Very hard when you are around Saphy!
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Tinkerbell. In any way, you are a better person than i am in that regard, Mario. Vannie, behave yourself. Even just for one day.
• United Arab Emirates
25 Jul 10
yes i know that friends become starangers in time. Its just communication gap that creates the distance.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
in a month, I agree angel that is scary... I never experience that kind so far... for now just leave it... but when you can have some perfect time, then you can open that to her... I know there is one important reason behind.... Just do not hate her, okay? I know that you have a very tender and kind heart....
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
I don't hate that easily, Prime. Saturday was my last day on that reserve, though.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
Communication can be one of the things sweetie, but to change to a total stranger in one month is actually scary. TATA.
1 person likes this
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
25 Jul 10
I think we all change so much as we get older, develop our own families, etc. I had friends in high school that we used to do alot. Now I know that we have drifted apart. I remember one friend that we promised we would never fade away yet we did. He moved to Florida without telling me anything. He even blocked me from Facebook and didn't tell his family he did. I keep in touch with his sister but she was not my friend. I blocked him from my website too. I finally gave up on trying to be his friend again. He recently told his family he is a homosexual so I think that has alot to do with it. My other friends well they live far from me. I showed up at my friends house one day and she didn't even come out to greet me. She recently had twins but I hadn't seen her over 20 years. I came back thinking that I should be happy with the friends I have now. I really don't have time to visit so it's not like I am there bugging them all the time. I just wanted to talk for a bit, remember old times.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
It is sad to see friends change that way sweetie. And to think that most of us stay at least the same as we were. We don't change that much, do we? And that friend of yours is damn rude. TATA.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
You have point out one important matter friend... sometimes people change because of an important matter(according to how they weight things) and they prefer leaving someone in order to fix it by themselves and without bothering the latter.... I encountered such situation in the past, but I never gave up... And I knew later she just had to confine herself for my safety..... that is sad though.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Very sad indeed.
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
Hey Saphrina, It is sad when friendships go bad for no apparent reason. Maybe she has had some kind of a personal problem and doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes (I have experience) we can be a little over sensitive and think we have done something wrong to cause the break down, when it is actually something completely out of our control which is the cause. Some people feel a bit uncomfortable to open a discussion about the situation but it often helps to find out the reasons behind such behavior. Communication becomes very important in these situations. Good luck
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
Well then, it must be something deeper. Something personal which she does not or can not talk about. If she is not even talking to her husband then it must be something much deeper than simply not wanting to talk. Maybe she is having an affair and things have gone wrong which she does not know how to handle - (this is only an example)
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
That's just the thing sweetie. She doesn't want to talk to anyone, not even her husband. If she keep this up, there can be more problems. I just cannot think what is wrong with her. TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
I get the feeling there is someone else. Her bad. She made her bed, she has to sleep on it. TATA.
@maylaine (441)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
sad...huhuhu..actually it happened to me once..and it really makes me wonder why it happened to us since we been friends for almost 7 years..as if everything had changed!as if we have not known each other..maybe that is life...as they have said as time changed people changes but i also believed that true friend stick closer than a brother....
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Even if our life's change sweetie, friends are suppose to be there when it change. But, some just change and never even consider what that change can do to others. TATA.
@maylaine (441)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
right....but i think it depends on what kind of friends do we have..?are they the one who will stay when changes come what ever it is, the one who will leave when things change or the one who will stay but it depends on what kind of changes it is..
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
That is one thing we will never know sweetie.
@primeaque86 (8108)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
Sorry to hear this angel.... I hope you can talk about this matter one day, so that you can able to settle whatever misunderstanding between the two of you... Or at least you can able to know why there is a change with her treatment to you... May I ask, how is your bonding to each other before, is she one of your special friends? Have you disagreed about some matters before? BUT for now do not worry much, it is bad for your health angel... And oh, those pictures are awesome.... I set one as my new pc avatar... I miss you angel... see ya....
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
For now, bet it my B But who knows she would change her mind in the comings days... and yes I know what's basically calms you down.... I miss you, know that?
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Prime, we only see each other when i go to the reserve. We phone and chat almost every second day. But, if this is what she wants, so be it. I am glad you liked them. Now you know what calms me down. TATA.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
26 Jul 10
I can not say as I have had this experience but no one changes over night. Your friend's wife has been on this path a long time and whatever caused it was either ignored by everyone else or held secret by her, but there are always signs when something is amiss with someone. She may just need someone to talk to and help her sort things out.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
27 Jul 10
There are two people in my life who were supposedly friends who are not currently talking to me. With the first, she does that sort of thing from time to time so you can't really take it personally. This is the longest I've gone though with not hearing from her. Recently she attended a function at a place I go to regularly and we made eye contact. I was obviously surprised to see her there and she didn't even say hello to me when I went to greet her. Now, this person claims to be all about "polite society" yet she couldn't even just say hello? I still have the key to her house! I don't care what your situation is with someone there is no cause for them to be rude or behave like a child. This woman has issues with the entire world around her so I know not to take it personally and we really weren't close enough for me to be hurt by her not talking to me. Another woman I am supposedly friends with is not the brightest bulb and sometimes drives me crazy (which she thinks is funny.) I sometimes help her with her business, time that could be better spent working on my own enterprises. Well, the last time I helped her she sent me an email saying "thanks for your help last weekend but I don't feel you were very helpful." Neither of these women is originally from this city. A lot of people know me and I have a very public profile that each of them has benefited from, yet this time, I was getting too much attention, the weather was bad and there wasn't as much business as there was in previous years. Somehow, this was summed up as my not being helpful. I used to hear from this woman constantly and now I don't hear anything from her at all. At first I was too busy to notice that she wasn't calling me all the time and driving me crazy chatting on about nonsense and asking a thousand questions. By the time I realized it several weeks had gone by and once again, we are not close enough for me to care. Both of these relationships were beneficial to the other women because of shared resources, my assistance with various things from pet sitting to, rides to the store, to business help, yet suddenly I have offended them in some way and so deeply that they no longer communicate with me. Neither of them were my friend because of a shared philosophy, we had very little in common, if I would invite them some place they would rarely come... I could go on and on. So why should I care that they have decided they don't want to be friends anymore? I guess I have digressed, but my point is you can never know what is going on with some people and you just have to wish them well and focus on what is going on in your own life.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
You know sweetie, i have time and patience for a lot of things in my life, but one thing i won't take is being used. That is what those to did to you, you know. I won't beg for friendship and if this one thinks a friendship of about 10 years is not worth it anymore, so be it. She has her life and i have mine. TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
That i can understand sweetie, but she did not even want to talk to me. I cannot work with people who cannot open their mouths. I still haven't heard anything from her, though. TATA.
@Jotomy (6322)
• India
25 Jul 10
Hi Saphrina, This is world with different kind of people. It happens the same here too. Even the closest one will also do some times if the situation comes, is it really necessary? It is one type of trait.
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
25 Jul 10
This in my view is not rested on necessity. It is rather an involuntary inclination that you are not aware of. I have seen a lot people who were tagged bores. But all of a sudden they change and you are left wondering as to what came to stay upon. Of course the situation and circumstances too can not be written off.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Jul 10
Jotomy sweetie, for me that is unacceptable. I don't expect people to stay the same, but don't become a stranger to your friends. TATA. Sweetie, those who change should start thinking of what they can loose in life.
1 person likes this
@Jotomy (6322)
• India
25 Jul 10
Yes krajibg, i agree with you...
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
yeah,this thing really happens.especially when we are not really close to those friends and being separate from them and have no contact from them for so long.it takes lots of differences.well,i think it all depends on a person if he/she wants to change her/his looks and attitudes as well.but if you are really close with them,you'll know what changes they have gone and feels like they are strangers now that you've seen them again. well,i thought you are referring to those persons or friends who became strangers because of attitudes only.cause i know lots of people who are like this.they turned out to be what i didn't expected before.so,the friend that i have before has gone and become a stranger to me,cause i didn't know what she had done with herself with her attitude,really far from what i have known of her before. it's nice if they change for positive sides,but if they don't,well,it is up to you if you still want them to be your friends.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
I still have to figure out which way she had changed sweetie. I just don't have the energy for that now. TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
28 Jul 10
We will see how things go sweetie.
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
are you still my friend? - friends change for some reasons.they seem to be strangers for the next years to come.
oh,is that so? well,i think it will take time for you to know what changed her.but i hope you'll be friends for long.
• Malaysia
30 Jul 10
i want to see pictures of the re-heeno.. hurry up with that upload thingy
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
31 Jul 10
You really are nuts. I don't have any of them. I still cannot figure that thinga magik out. TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
31 Jul 10
Oh brother. I so hoped we solved that banana problem.
• Malaysia
31 Jul 10
now i'm nuts....i'll go back to being bananas next week
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
That happens sometimes, especially when you didn't really have a strong foundation of friendship to begin with. But every now and then you come across a friend who is "for keeps" and no amount of time apart could change it. True, I have dozens of "former" friends that I no longer speak to because we seem to have nothing in common anymore, but looking back we really didn't have a lot in common even back when we were "still friends" so I'm not beating myself up about it. It's the friends that I've had real connection with, those are the ones that I don't worry about losing. They're the ones that no matter how far apart you are from each other, it always feels like you had just seen them the week before when you meet again.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Didn't i tell you that you are good, sweetie? So true though. Why keep on beating yourself up when you did not really had something in common in the first place? I know the feeling about those you keep very close. TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
It is true sweetie, friends are for life, nothing can change that. Sounds like a nice song.
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
Thanks, saphrina :) I believe in the saying that "Friends are friends forever" ...true friends are, anyway. Hey, I know a song that goes like that...the last line says it all..."a lifetime's not too long to live as friends" :D
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
12 Mar 11
A lot of times, life changes people. It also could be hormones changing. She may need to see a doctor, if it has changed for the bad. Sometimes people just look at life differently and make their own changes.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
12 Mar 11
Hi sweetie. I don't know what she did to fix that as we don't have contact anymore. Her choice, though. Thanx.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Aug 10
Hi Swetie Yes I have with a Friend of 22 years well if we where still as close it is over 23 years But she changed in her manner and attitude so the Friendship is really near enough non existing now and has been for 2 years now, actually it all started 3 1/2 years ago when I moved south as she did not want me to, well for the first time I did not listen to her and it is from there it all changed
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
28 Oct 10
Hi sweetie. Sorry i am so behind with everything these days. How are you? That is a long last friendship to loose, you know. But she need to understand that your life is changing and you just have to go with the flow. Hope she can understand that eventually. Thanx. TATA.
27 Oct 10
I've experienced this, is a problem with things in today world. My wife as also had many friends who are around one minute and then disappear, it's funny when some tend to come back and by this point there's no chance of re-making that bond you once shared. I really wouldn't really accept someone after they become strangers unless a) there was a real reason and b) they we're previously a very good friend. In most cases they aren't very good.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
28 Oct 10
It is strange how people change, especially when it comes to friends. I don't think i will ever understand people even if they are your friends. Thanx. TATA.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
26 Jul 10
Hi Saphrina! You really would have faced the odd experience and strange situation, when you figured out that the woman, who was known to you for many years has changed. I think, her unpredictable behavior would have been a temporary affair or may be she was not in good mood on that particular day/days. I think you would have tried to explore her, you should have asked her, what made her change her attitude and behavior or was it one off incident? Please do not think too much about it, because hopefully, you behaved decently with her and you did not allow her to complain. I have not faced exactly any such experience. Have a great day! Deepak
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
27 Jul 10
Pl. do no bother about her, if she does not bother about you.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
26 Jul 10
Hi Deepak. I hope for her sake it is not an affair. I did ask, but she just ignored me. Waste of time actually. TATA.
@clouds0327 (1389)
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
Yes I know how it feels really. I have friends that I was so close with before. He is a guy friend from the past not a boyfriend but less than a bestfriend but close to that.. Whatever.. We were so close we almost are always together and talking about each other's life and love life and he is the one that usu. gives me advice and all that. But years have passed I had a daughter and got married and he went outside the country and had another girlfriend. I just dont know why it seems like he doesnt care anymore to almost someone like a stranger, which I feel bad about because we were so close before and it all went to a waste because of the time it shouldnt be like that... Not only him I have a lot of friends who doesnt care or even say HI, simply because we dont always talk anymore or they dont think they can benefit from you or I guess that Im not that interesting at all. The heck.. I also dont know them.. I m totally fine!
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
29 Jul 10
Don't let it get to you sweetie. I know how it feels to loose a close friend. He moved to another country though. We don't contact each other anymore and the worse part, we grew up together. But this things we get used to. TATA.
@Skade24 (750)
• Romania
28 Jul 10
I have a friend, to use to be my best friend. We know each other for like 9 years, since we were in high school. We understand well, all good, we finally got into the same college, and we were still friends, until one point when she began having argues at home, with her parents, because she wanted to move in other city with her boyfriend, and at some point she really moved in another city, and she got changed. Now she is still there, but i keep on calling her to see how she is, but she doesn`t call me not once, to ask me how i am.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
29 Jul 10
Sweetie, at least you have manners and you care about her. Hopefully she will wake up one day and remember that she has a good friend that really care. Hope it will go better. TATA.