Falling Back into Love

United States
July 25, 2010 2:18pm CST
Is this at all possible? My husband and I have a terribly strained relationship. It started a couple of years ago when my husband got hooked on prescription drugs. I ended up being so emotionally abused that it just hit me one day that he would never be the man I married. It was almost like a greaving period for the deceased. It was awful. I cried daily and was in a deep depression for months. I knew that I would never love anyone(even him) the way I had loved him in the beginning. My soul mate was gone forever. Can this really happen? We ended up staying together though because of the kids. I know, I know. Wrong thing to do but we did. You see, we still are very good friends and the se is great but the emotional side of love and the petting is just not there. We put on a very good front for the kids. Well, now the kids are all older and it has become harder than ever. The friendship is still great most of the time. The se is still great when I give in. I hate having se with someone that you are not totally connected to. I know he loves me so much more than I him. He tries so very hard. I am severely afraid of being alone. I am the time of person that needs to be with someone. We have been married for 20+ years and are in our mid 40's. To me starting over is not even in the equation. So my question is: is it possible to fall in love with him again? I want to so badly. We haven't "really" kissed in I can't remember how long. or is that just because we have been together for so long or our age. Is anyone out there in there 40's that have been married for awhile and still french kiss? We kiss(peck) everytime eachother goes somewhere and stuff but never anything else. If anyone out there has any ideas, suggestions, etc please let me hear them. I can think back to the feelings that I had for my husband in the beginning and would do anything to feel that way again.
2 responses
xio shi
@simonelee (2715)
• China
26 Jul 10
Hello. I'm not married but my story is a little bit similar to yours. Me and my partner are been engaged for 6 years and as time passes by we also changed. We are not physically hurting each other but we're emotionally tortured by the situation we're experiencing now. Once we where sweet, loving and caring for each other but one day we woke up in a different world, unexpected world that we never imagine to happened. Now, i am having a hard time to bring back the old days.. happy and sweet moments. We misses each others company. I don't know where to start and how. My feelings toward her is still there but i feel numb and hopeless. I still want her but i don't know how to reach her and be in my arms again. I am consciously aware that we need spice in our relationship, but how? I feel wall between us. We love each other but there's something holding us.
littlehill
@littlehill (48)
• United States
26 Jul 10
Hi Simonelee, Sounds pretty familiar to me. Maybe what the person before you has the right idea. Maybe trying to date eachother again would work. My husband is disabled and I work out of the home so we are together 24/7. I don't think that helps at the moment. Every once in a while he will run an errand without me and it does feel good to have the space. I'm thinking that maybe if we r appart a little more and try the dating thing that it might help. I really do want to stay together with my husband so everything and anything is worth a try. Good Luck. Hope everything works out for you.
xio shi
@simonelee (2715)
• China
27 Jul 10
I hope dating is that easy. My problem is we are apart and communication is our only way to patch the holes. I'm thinking of giving her a hand made gifts again, be sweet and sincere to her again. I know these are some simple action she misses from me. Anyway, what happened to your husband if you don't mind?
mgates
@mgates (13)
• United States
25 Jul 10
I don't have the same story as yours But I do understand emotional abuse. The heart being torn into. Conflict between the love and the hurt. The fact that you are friends is great. I wonder if he feels as you do. Have you talked about the feelings that both of you have? A couple needs to work as one. If you both want to put in the work then you should be able to work this out. Are you able to 'date' as you once did? To do things as you would if you were just starting out. This might rekindle the flame. If you are both willing to attempt this then leave the se out for awhile. Get to know each other once again as more than friends. We all change as we get older. Keep in mind that abuse is NEVER ok,or acceptable. I know being alone is scary. But it may be something that needs to be faced. Being alone is better than being abused. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.