With Friends Like These

Hi aurorastorm, Maybe because you never ever complain or ask their help then they just assume that you are strong and doing well. They sound as if they are so caught up in their own issues that they don't even pause to consider that others also have troubles. A good way to test this would be to let them know sometimes that you need a shoulder or a helping hand. You might be surprised to find them more than willing to give you a hand, lend you an ear. If they are not then I would say that this is definitly a one-sided friendship. It doesn't mean that you have to avoid them if you enjoy their company but maybe not be so willing to go all out of your way for them. Even the score a bit.

Hi aurorastorm, As I was reading your discussion, I started thinking, "are these three really good friends?"Then I finished reading with a better understanding of the situation. If you haven't seen your friend from elementary school days, how do you know if she can still be your best friend? What constitute a title "best friend?" Usually, you grow up and move on with your life, making new friends. Anyway, it seems that your two best friends are really taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. Maybe they forget to be concerned about your well being because out of the three of you, you are the strongest link. They may thing that you don't need to be taken care of because you are a strong and an invincible woman, you think? If you are this strong and invincible woman, you must find a way to take control of this situation of me,me and me some more from your friend. You may find cleaver ways of saying no or you may just say no, I can't do this or that or I don't have it right now. Whenever, I have a prolonged situation, I practice scenarios in my head, so that I am well armed when the real situation arises. It works really well for me, I usually am not caught off guard. You have the power to choose.

You know what.. that sounds a lot like me. I'm a complainer. I complain about my kids, I complain about my stress, I complain about my husband's hours. Anything I can complain about I will (my mom was the same way). To top it off, I love to talk about myself, and love to have people listen to me talk about myself. Anyways... I sort of realized on my own that maybe I put people off with all my complaining.. because I did dump a really good friend because I eventually got tired of all her complaining (but there were other good reasons too). I also realized all on my own that sometimes people may not want to hear all about me. Sure I think my stories are interesting, and so far nobody else has told me I'm boring... but still it's not much fun for people to sit and listen to you talk and never say anything themselves. So though it's difficult for me because I've always been a complainer who doesn't shut up.. I do now try to make a concious effort to complain less, be positive more, and let other people talk and actually listen to their stories. I think perhaps your friends don't really realize they're doing this.. it's just become habit to complain and yap away. I know it's hard, but I think you should try to make them aware of how they're acting. Tell them politely that they complain too much and that you're feeling bad that they aren't asking you about what's going on with you... You said they're good, close friends, so they should not take offense, and it will open their eyes to how they've been and hopefully they will make an effort to change that.. because they will realize people won't like to listen to them all the time, just like I realized it.

I think your best bet is to be honest with them, if they are such good friends like they claim then they will understand when you tell them how you are feeling. I am thinking that maybe because you have allowed them to complain to you so much without making it aware that it bothers you that they dont realize and just keep on doing it. Sometimes it takes someone speaking up for another person to realize and you don't have to be mean about it just simply let them know that you really care about them and everything that they are dealing with and want to help them out the best you know how but it hurts to know that they don't seem to feel the same way with you because they never ask how you are doing or if you need any help...another fair thing to bring up is the economy whether it is really effecting you or not I know that I have used it as an excuse in situations just saying listen I understand that you are suffering but we all are, we are all feeling the effects from it and while I want to help you the best I can I need to take care of my family first. It sounds to me like you are being to nice and letting these friends walk over you with their complaints...if you dont stop it soon it will never end!!! Best of luck

Lets put it this way maybe their life is so stressed out that they cant give attention to asking you how you doin.. I mean we have to reassure ourselves before offering help to others. How can you help others if you cant even help your self right? Well, thats just my opinion.

I will not decider them as your friends because there is saying " friend in need is friend in deed"I really feel bad for you,what kind of friends you have ,always discussing their problems and all the time seeking help from you........i think you should tell your problem too may be they realize that you are having stressed too.......this is what i think.

That seems really odd. Maybe they are really occupied with their life that is why they just forget to ask about you. However, did you try to once throw the question of how are they doing and once you ask that. Did they ask you what's going on with your life. Because in my situation if my friend would ask me how am I? I would definitely answer the question and ask them the same thing of how they are? through that I would know things that I will be surprised hearing from them. That's how the start of knowing situation of our friends. And that's also how I would start the conversation.

Well you should be proud they did not see you as lacking in anything, so they did not ask you. Instead they talk of themselves and their worries. It might be good to be open with them and tell them about your worries, too. Hopefully they will start thinking about you, too.

I think your current situation is very serious for you to solve,u can realized that the two best friends of you don't care about your life when they don't have any trouble.Frankly speaking,best friend defined as who can share the thing what make u happy or fuss etc.so i think u be sure to tell your feeling abou this,if you conceal this terrible feeling to them,they never understand your opinion in heart. And sometimes,like me,if u are trapped in trouble,you also complained to them what thing happen on u and give some help and suggestion from them,you will find that help your best friends and be helped by them can make u happied than before and the relationship between u will climb a new step.u can try.....^^

Tell them that you feel as if...you're unimportant anymore, and that you LOVE to help them, but it's just too much about them, which is making you unhappy, if it is I mean... They should understand and at the least TRY to help if you just let them know. Communication is the best thing you can have with friends to let them know how you're feeling and such. Remember that, and the best of luck Aurora!!!