I am hurt beyond belief…

I hate when people take their bad moods out on the ones closest to them. I'm glad though that you realize the problem does not lie with you. I'm taking a guess, but he is not really the kind of guy you can sit and explain your feelings to, is he? It pains me to hear this, because like you, I am on medication for depression. I am bipolar. And it is hard enough to deal with life when things are just so so, someone who is depressed does not need extra aggravation. I'm praying for you guys.

Interesting... but not surprising... lol Today we have two worlds out there, for men anyway. In order to stay out of trouble, we need to be multi-cultural, respect women equality and be politically correct. The world has forced men to make a choice. We have to live our life as a bunch of hypocrites or go to jail. Men are racist by nature. Men do not believe in women equality, and most of all, do not believe in political correctness. They do it because the law force them to. But every man is a time bomb ready to explode like Mel Gibson when enough is enough. In your case, your husband had one of those days, where he felt like acting like a man and wished you would play the role of a woman. By the way, radaronline is offline, and its owner has gone into hiding. lol Mel Gibson can shoot the bi.ch, and I'll still support him.

Dear Paula Husbands!!!!!!! But Paula! I don't know if you would accept what I am going to say but mine is also based on a lot of personal experience; so I am sharing it with you. First of all you have to accept that men are made in a different sort of way. They do have their mood upswings and if we have one we would only have to bang our heads against a brick wall.But that is the way of life. Coming to the point, I would give a suggestion Paula. Now,you have your limitations as far a s physical activity goes. So, do not set too stringent standards for yourself. Your husband would not protest[this is my guess] if the bedsheets were washed two days later, if the house were slightly less spotless but he be given a plate of food without being asked to make this [though infrequently].THe reason is that he goes out and comes back from a tiring job that would involve quite a bit of stress for him. This bad mood has been caused by something else [they would have umpteen reasons for this, though we cannot afford to have such swings ]. Secondly, I would suggest that you take a bit of rest for yourself in the afternoon and do some work when your daughter comes back from school. You can just chat wiht her and keep doing your work.[allocate such tasks for yourself at that point of time]. All said and done, he also comes back after a tiring day and this outburst is a culmination of some resentment he has had deep within his heart about being made to do far too much. On the other hand, if he is to demand higher performance from you on your work then it is a matter of concern and this is something that you would have to objectively assess. We are fro m a diffferent country and different upbringing. You know how I normally would talk on such an issue.My husband has been at home doing his freelancing for the past 20 years Paula and I still remember one day [long back]when I asked him to help me with the bedsheet and he blew his top.Ever since that I have not. I am fortunate to have hired help but even when I did not have one or I was terribly busy with my teaching students throughout the day, I dared not ask him for a thing.I would keep it messy and have my students and classes on top priority.Cooking and housekeeping , buying groceries or whatever are all my areas. If we have to avoid unpleasantness , balance our stamina we have to choose our priorities .He would not say a word about why the bedsheet was slightly dirty, why i made simple food etc..,I would wash the sheet the day I had the stamina to do it.I still do it.I would cook whatever food is easy and he won't mind as long as some basic meal is provided.[It is another story that I cook well for my own sake] Is your husband demanding by way of food or does he want only some basic simple stuff? If he is too demanding and critical, then it is tough .Otherwise, I would suggest you refrain froma asking him to make his food [as a policy] and you would see a change in him.And you have to assess his mood before asking him for such assistance, if you want to preserve yourself. THe earth won't fall if the bed is made later. Hope I have not hurt your feelings in any way Paula but they are made that way and things could always have been worse. Preseve yoruself by taking suitable precautions.THat is the only way to keep our peace.

Well I think that he is being a bit selfish expecting you to do everything around the house! As a male who used to work 50 hours per week, I used to still help out by doing the dishes occasionally and I used to do loads of washing fairly regularly as well as vacuuming and dusting etc. It is hard work looking after kids, preparing meals and doing housework as well. My wife has always done the meal preparations in our home as I am not as good at it. My wife has suffered a lot with depression over the years as well, so I always tried to make things easier for her. I always have done the outdoors jobs like mowing and washing the cars too. My wife only washes the cars every now and then, but she has never mowed the lawns in the 14 years that we have been together. I do not expect her to though either. Now that we both work together at home. I do most of the housework and the running around with the kids. She does all of the night time meals mostly and I get the kids breakfast and make their lunches in the mornings. She occasionally help out with the housework and I make dinner every now and then. It is good now that the kids are getting older as my daughter is getting into cooking and is making meals some nights and they can both get their own breakfast and lunches ready for school now. They just take ages to do it! I hope that you can both discuss your duties with each other in a caring way and that you can sort out some sort of agreement that you are both happy with. Good luck Paula.

Hi paula, Truly sorry that you are going through a rough patch with your husband. I am glad you know that no one is going anywhere. It is not that serious. Time heals all wounds, so they say. Maybe your husband is going through something that he has not told you about, and needed to let off some steam. Maybe you give his a way to vent when you asked him to help with the bed making. I don't know for sure, but maybe. The house is clean, the shopping done, the daughter is well taken care of, etc. so he can't think that you are lazy and sit around all day doing nothing. Right? Did his behavior just come out of nowhere? Has he ever been this grumpy before? One thing is for sure, he can't stay angry forever. So, get ready for him to come around and apology. That will make your daughter happy too. Good Luck

I am really to to hear, you have been hurt by someone. We really feel bad when somebody hurts us. You try to console your mind because the life is full of sorrows and suffering.May be you are suffering due to some bad deeds of your past generation. So I really feel hurt, those days don't come to all. Try to forget and what ever happened , live for present. Problem is part of our life. Down't worry one fine your problem will be solved.

Paula, Since he is normally fine with the set-up that the two of you have, I would say that he was just having a really bad day and taking it out on you. Not saying that is right or a good excuse but possibly a reason. It just sounds as if something is eating at him. I would give it a good nights rest and then have a serious talk with him about it. It could be something at his work or maybe there is some thing within your relationship that he is bothered by. Talking about it openly and honestly would be the only way to resolve it. I hope that by the time you read this the two of you have smoothed things over and are back on track. best of luck, Paula.

Oh Cynthiann, No wonder you are hurting, he obviously doesn't seem to appreciate all the things you do do and seems to be picking on the things you don't. He works outside of the homne whereas you are in the home lookibng after children trying to earn online and keep the house all clean and tidy and up and together for him. A marriage is a partnership and he should get stuck in and help. When he has calmed down out of his sulk as he isn't talking to you tell him how you feel and that running a home is 24/7 but his work day is set hours so you see no reason for him not to help and also he should be more understanding of your depression. Explain how tired you get, explain how hurt you are feeling and see if he will come round from being SELFISH in his attitude to UNDERSTANDING and HELPFUL Extra Huggles for you today. Ellie :D

Have you seen the jokes going around the internet about husbands changing places with their wives? They have no idea how hard it is until they actually do it themselves. I would sit down and write a list of exactly every thing you do every day, how long it takes you, etc. And sit down and go over it with your husband when he is in a better mood. Maybe he's not feeling appreciated for what he's doing, idk, but there is a much kinder, gentler way to communicate his frustration.

Good morning Paula, sorry hubby acted like that . Maybe he was having a bad day or just being a butte like they can be too often. I don't know why u waited on him to do that since u are home all day to be honest w/u. Mind u i am not taking up for him, lol. Making up my bed id a hard job for mr but since i have noone to help me i do it. I think he owes u an apology for acting like that but i wouldn't ask him again to help. What comes around goes around .It's too bad he acted that way to u & in front of your daughter to worry her. Throw it off & just consider the source. Marriage is such a hard job.

paula, I"m so sorry to hear about this hurtful issue. Sounds like hubby was having a bad day, you know, the boss lit into him about something that wasn't his fault and he goes home and kicks the dog, or in this case, chews out his poor wife. It is a sad symptom of our times that being a mother and homemaker is just not "enough". Women are supposed to make up for the inadequecies of many a man's paycheque, yet they aren't supposed to ask for help when they need it? I hope he comes around and realizes he isn't being fair. If you didn't do all the things he doesn't notice, THEN he'd notice how much you actually do. Maybe his blood sugar was low, and was just being unnecessarily cranky. Hold on tight to your self-esteem, and let NO ONE wrest it from you, dear friend.

You knew he was in a bad mood, so he may not said those things intentionally. You both need to discuss the issue, even though he did not do it to hurt you, but the issue is there.

Hello. First, you sound like a great wife and a good mom. He's lucky to have someone like you for a wife. Sometimes, when a husband is having a fit, it's not because of you but other factors. It could be things at work. It could be mental stress. It could be worrying about the bills. Sometimes it can be sexuality. In this economy, many people are afraid of job loss. That too can cause stress and problems at home. Your medications might be making you hyper sensitive to criticism of ANY kind. Do you ever pray for your husband? Have you ever prayed together as a family? If he's out working and providing for your family the best way he can and you're taking care of the house - which is work, by the way - then BOTH of you are doing good. He just needs to see the good that you do. Marriages aren't perfect. Adjustments are necessary as times goes on. My advice to you is not to be over sensitive over any criticism from him and vice-versa. It's very important NOT to argue in front of your daughter and explain to her that Mom and Dad love each other but sometimes adults argue for different reasons and it's OK. If possible, go for long walks and invite your husband along. Ask him about his day, what he likes or doesn't like about his job and see if he will open but if he doesn't, let it be. If you live in a safe area, go for walks with your daughter. Walks are good for you. Your husband might also be going through the typical male middle age crisis which happens somewhere between 35-45.

Hi! well the hard part of having a family is i think that you always wanted the best for it and that is not bad, even that you have done everything on it,just to maintain the relationship happy and strong there's always someone that will not appreciate not just for the effort but the way you show your love to them. I feel sorry for your husband to tell you the truth, it is not your fault that you are not good at it...what is important that your doing everything that you can to improve to learn and excel on everything, it's just happen that your husband is little blind for not seeing the caring and loving wife you are,,what he only see is your mistake ...just tell your child not to worry about it that everything will gonna be ok again and i think soon your husband will realize that he is wrong for judging you that way...

This is unbelievable kind of knowing you and your scenario and the wonderful supportive family you have. The 24X7 job gets on our nerves and the fact that people hardly appreciate the effort and endeavor depresses us irreversibly. I am really sorry Paula and a biiiiig hug to you sweet heart. And I know even as we speak here your hubby has made up for it and if he doesn't he doesn't know what's in store for him! LOL. I really feel sad for your daughter. Poor little child is suffering emotionally. Even though I would like to attribute it to pressure, age, circumstances - I do feel the need to control our emotions and not to let go inappropriately for once we let go the tongue we cannot take back, we cannot reverse the effect. You take care honey and talk to me whenever you feel like. Love yaa.

In my opinion marriege is about sharing, and that means 50/50. My first marriage sounds like your situation in reverse, paula, so I can appreciate just how you feel. The best thing would be a good herat to heart with your husband. Good luck, I hope it all turns out for the best. Mike.

This is a frequent issue in our home. I think it comes from each person feeling that they are doing too much. Your husband probably has no idea how much work it is to keep a house. You may feel that he goes to work and it's a simple thing. The best thing to do in this case is probably to sit down and discuss it. Let him know you feel unappreciated and give him an idea of all the work you do. Tell him that you aren't just sitting around and that you really appreciate his help with things. Then make sure you thank him when he does stuff. I always forget with my husband, but it does make a difference to them. A quick kiss and a "I really appreciate that you took the garbage out" goes a long way.

I have read stories about this and seen a somewhat funny movie about it, but the only way to really tell what another person's job is, is to take it over for a time. House work seems so easy to one who doesn't do it, just as child care and family care. But if you were paid an hourly wage he would never be able to afford you. You could work out a list of chores and time it takes to do them, then put an hourly wage down. Even if you don't show him it will make you feel much better.

I am so sorry to hear you have been hurt. I know how it feels to be doing all that you can and still it seems that there are times when the family trys to demand more. I know he was in a bad mood but there are somethings that can't be taken back. I think it is the fact that when we get used to something being a certain way..well..we tend to not appreciate the way things are. I bet if you did ever get a job outside the home he would realize how much you did then. I bet it wouldn't be long before he wanted you to be home again. I hope that you and your hubby make up...maybe you could talk to him and express the way you feel. It might give him a chance to talk too. Take care paula and good luck.

Hi Paula, Sorry for what you're going through. Actually, it was really a big question why woman even working outside has to do some household chores while men after office working hours has the guts to say that they are tired, well that's why we're women. Anyway, you mentioned that you're doing well together before until that day he uttered those words that caused you so much pain. Let put it this way first, probably that time the pressured of problems in the office and your chores at home boost both of you to collide. There are times when we feel exhausted and tired or feeling down. But everything can be settled through communication. You said that you're a perfectionist, try to buy sometime chatting with your husband about petty things, have time asking him how was his day in his office. Don't be a fulltime housewife, be a woman for him for sometime. There is no such a perfect relationship but try to have a least a good one. I know superwoman like you can fixed it.