Love has stipulations......

well if you know if you kept with me what i might say about this. first of all i am glad you left the first a$$hole. and as far as the second one. oh i do belive you. no man shouldnt never control a woman, and if you want friends then you should have friends. and i belive he does put a good front on for others, most of them do. just like the ones who abuse women, but as soon as another man jumps in thier face, its a different story. i belive if you want to have friends have friends, if you want to work i say go to work, and i belive all women should independ and dont rely on any man. if he is controling you not allowing you to have friends or to go out. next thing it will be to cut you off from family, and 9 out of 10 the abuse will start. if you arent happy you need to do what you need to do. mr right isnt mr perfect.

hello dloveli! i can understand why you say that it feels like that love has stipulations. What you had been through is not very easy and i can sense that you are a strong woman to have gotten this far. I can emphathize with what you feel cause i had been through in a more or less the same situation with my former husband. He was nice and sweet infront of other people, but psychologically and emotionally abused me when we were alone. I kept up with it for seven years, thinking i could change him if i would be more understanding and obedient to what he wants. Of course i was wrong, he abused me more and so i left him and i met this new man in my life who is gentle and sweet most of the time but when he gets drunk (which was quite often when he goes home on weekends), my life is always in danger. He is a military man who is office-stationed now. Well my point is, if what you think its love that you're sharing with your man with all that stipulations attached thereto, you are mighty wrong. A genuine love has no conditions and it does not suppress the real you. Your present beau might be caring and sweet to you but that's because he is afraid that you will leave him if he lets you do otherwise. By not talking to others for yourself, by not allowing you to have friends, he is ensuring that he gets you all for himself, which is totally selfish of him. You are better off without that kind of guy. What's the use of having that gentleness and sweetness when is killing you softly? by suppressing the real you, by letting you not speak for yourself, he is slowly taking over you, your life and yourself. You cannot allow that to happen, if he loves you, he should give you freedom. Oh, not too much but enough for you to live a normal life and be your own self. I think, you know that deep inside. You would not have gotten over your first marriage if you are not a strong individual. Speak for your right. That is not love you are talking about. that is suppression of your basic human right.

Sounds like my experience with husbands. We have to be strong within ourselves and set up boundaries for our own well being. Sometimes a man will have such fine ways and these 'stipulations' you speak of but you have to be strong within yourself and see that the over baring part of his personality is not going to change and you will very sorry if you stay in a relationship that is not totally what it could and should be. Your happiness is at stake.

I think you are finding that all people have many different sides. Men especially have a social side that they present to the world to get what they want. Once they have acheived this goal other sides of their personalities come forth. I am not say this is bad often it's good. But you seem to be attracted to strong controlling males, you need to look to your own insecurities and see why this is. I like a controlling male because I know I would walk all over a complacent male. I do have limits on how much control but I know I am weak in the selfesteme area.

I haven't really noticed that there have been any stipulations on my relationship with my husband. However, with the prior relationships that I was involved in, I would definitely say that this was the case. With my boyfriend from 11 years ago, I had to accept the fact that he couldn't always be there for me because of circumstances in his life. Then there was my boyfriend after that who broke up with me because I refused to request a change in my dorm assignment so that I wouldn't live in a coeduacational dorm at school.

I've heard people say that you cannot choose what type of male/female you're attracted to. It's like a magnet. In my lifetime I have seen very nice girls, some actually very pretty on the inside and outside, hooking up with questionable, insecure and sometimes abusive men. They're just attracted to the bad boy types. The problem is that, after a while, they find themselves in love but uncomfortable with the behavior or situation. If the controlling or abusive partner doesn't change, it can be a lifetime of frustration. Marriage or relationships should be a two-way street based on mutual respect and equality. Not dominion, dominance or control. While it's hard to predict how a partner is going to change after a few months or years, there are usually some red flags during the dating period. Ignoring those red flags can mean a lot of challenges down the road. Sometimes a guy or a girl will totally bypass a person who would make a great husband or wife and choose the one that's nothing but trouble. That's human behavior that unfortunately comes with a high price. Happiness has a lot to do with the choices we make.

Only works if ya work together on things you are a team where no one controls the other one. My daughter has a SIL that has a very controling husband after we pick her up from work he is one the phone7 times int the time it take sto get her home as where are ya now!!!!!!! its sickning and this morning just got pulled away from her house and he on the phone calin g her lord he drives me crazy and she ansers every call! I wouldnt would you?

Hi dloveli, Our lives sound pretty similar. This guy that you describe that is "king of his castle" just makes my stomach turn. I didn't marry the guy like him but we lived together and got a house together. He was nice in so many ways but if he did not get his way then he was a nightmare. It turned into a nightmare that I think was worse than the one I went thru with my ex husband. I hope you think long and hard before moving in with or marrying this guy if you havent done so yet.

It sadden me to hear situation like this, hearing this kind of life makes me doubt to enter marriage life. Specially that I am a woman it feels sad that we are trying our very best to have a simple yet happy life but it seems that destiny is not cooperating with us. I think everything in life has stipulations specially when it comes to love. The quest that we have to face is how can we control and manage these stipulations in order to be happy. I admire your courage and your determination to still hold on in a relationship that's is so difficult. Probably in due time your partner now will hopefully believe in you and that he will give you the total happiness that you deserve. Good luck and I will pray for you.