The Pickle Jar

I almost always get my kids to clean up their own messes, but if glass is involved I'll do it myself. When my oldest was about 7 he opened the fridge and the shelf of the door fell and all the items on that shelf fell and broke and made a huge mess. Hubby and I were standing on the front porch and did not hear it happen. So the 7 year old decided to clean it on his own, and he knelt down on a broken bottle which sliced his knee open, so we needed to take him to the ER for stitches. Accidents happen, and I don't purposely punish them for an accident. What I punish mine for is laziness... like if they're pouring a drink and spill some, normally they would leave that spill out of laziness or excitement to get back to whatever else they were doing... so I will bring them back and make them clean the mess.

In my house we have a working system of dealing with accidents. "There are no such things as accidents." Kids are learning to say it was an accident as an excuse for something that they know they shouldn't have done. Instead we say, "I didn't mean to." Essentially it's the same, but it's a way of owning up to your mistakes instead of an excuse for them. We also have a practice that has really reduced the number of "accidents" in our household. Whenever something happens that would be considered an accident we ask, "What could have been done differently?" My kids really surprise me with their answers. It has proven that they do know what they did and how it happened. Once they admit aloud the circumstances leading up to the incident they are more aware of what can happen and they think about different ways of doing things. The bad part of all of this is that it works both ways. The other day I opened the bedroom door and my son was standing behind it. Without thinking, I told him it was an accident. He reminded me that there is no such thing and I had to tell him how I could have prevented it. He was right...I should have knocked first and I wouldn't have hurt him. The great part is that I know what we are doing is having an impact on their way of thinking.

Accidents do happen to everyone and when they do, we have to clean up the mess, whether it's a pickle jar or a crunched automobile. Adults are responsible for their accidents and children must learn to be, too. That's life. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would insist that she clean it up as well as she could, just so she will realize that she is responsible for her actions, intended or not. Kids sometimes have far too much stress on them to do the right thing and if they realize that even though they made a mistake, cleaning it up will make everything right, they become more willing to do that.

Oh my pickle juice and shards of glass what a mess. when my son was' little he had a thing about having an accident, he would instead say mom I goofed and I would then say yes glad you know that so go ahead and clean up the pieces. He was extremely logical even as' a kid and very into scientific things and then computers. I had little trouble with getting him to clean up a mess, and he had very few accidents too. He was so mature for his age that at times we were a bit too lenient forgetting his real age as opposed to his mental age. A high IQ child still is a child and one must at all times remember his physical age.

I believe we all suffer the results of our actions and the sooner children learn this fact the easier their lives are going to be. If they can lean this is a law of nature they will be saved much heart break.

I have a seven year old son and a five year old daughter. The scenario you have just mentioned is a very common scene in the household..and much more to add. I always weigh options. ,but when they did something that for my standards really needs a doze of their own medicine I would always impose a disciplinary action. Like hitting their hands(Palms up)..or spanking their bottom. Hitting them (only to feel pain and never leave marks or bruises) is a very effective disciplinary act to them. Its always palms up hand hitting and bottoms, because those are parts of the body where i know would feel less pain , I never hit heads,or genital area or joints . Most of the reasons that made me hit them were never done again. When they become sober about the thing , I would explain to them in a very matured way why i did it. Most of the times i have them in a "time out".. i would make them stand in a corner of the house where they cant move away from there.. nor sit...at first they will really resist and have all the crying and shouting and whining. I will tell them that the more they are not following my command the more time i will make them stand.Its usually a maximum of 15minute standing , because 5 minutes to be still for kids is too long already. Eventually they would realize that they can't fool me with crying and getting angry about it so they would stand quietly and wait for me to make them sit down. It means that the "time-out" is over them i would hug them and cuddle and explain again why they were subjected to "time-out". Most of the things that were made them to have this kind of disciplinary actions were never done again, and the most important benefit of it is that once i say NO they will not insist to their desires specially if I say it in a way they would know I'm serious and i really mean the "NO". When we go to places and they would start being "kids" one serious stare from me will make them behave. I know its a child abuse to hit kids, but my way of doing it is not. I two healthy and very beautiful children , i am a single mom and I love being a parent.