Do normal couples tell each other when they go out?
By GuateMom
@GuateMom (1411)
Canada
August 3, 2010 1:00pm CST
This is something that has bee an issue for my husband and myself. I work at home and bring in all the money at this point. I'm pretty much chained to the computer. He looks after the kids and plays on the computer, as well as does the laundry. We have a maid who cleans and I cook and homeschool our kids (who are young, so only an hour a day).
I go out 1x a week without him, to a mom brunch. He has no friends really, so rarely goes out. However, sometimes I come out of my room where I'm working and he's just not there. He leaves his phone on the counter, so I can't call him and just takes off. He'll come back and say he was shopping or something, which is true, but if I ask him to tell me when he's going to just disappear so I at least know I should be keeping an eye on the kids instead of working, he gets mad and says he shouldn't have to tell me his every little move.
In my previous relationships, it was never an issue to say something like, "I'm off to work now, see you." or something. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, asking him to let me know when he's going somewhere . . . is it normal to just walk out of the house and not say anything?
4 people like this
17 responses
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
3 Aug 10
I think it's only reasonable to tell someone when you leave or enter a house. What if something happened and you needed to talk to him? And, since he is supposed to be taking care of the children, he should definitely tell you when he is going out.
Is where he goes a secret? Is he up to no good? Sounds like it to me.
1 person likes this
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
3 Aug 10
That could be...maybe he would agree to something simple...like "I'm going out" or "be back in a bit" without feeling like he has to say where he's going? I really think he should for safety's sake. Maybe he could have one of the kids tell mom he left?
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
5 Aug 10
In general it is not normal to just walk out of the house and not say anything. The exception is when the person involved is a loner when it comes to doing certain things, and is unable or does not want to, change his/her habit.
Marriage involves sharing in the real sense of the word. This includes informing the spouse when one wants to go somewhere. At least the souse knows the general area where one is.
Being secretive can eventually leads to suspicion.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
4 Aug 10
Well honestly I think he should at least tell you he is leaving so that you know the kids need to be watched. This would upset me and I would demand more of a response out of him. I would want to know what he was doing. I have a suspicious mind though.
@czanwell_30 (717)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
I think it's not normal to just go wherever you go thing. Because I'm used to tell my husband where I'm going if it's gonna take me for several hours. And he also tells me where he will be going. In short words, it's really important that husbands and wives should tell each other where to go so they can schedule each others time and it can build some respect and trust on your relationship and you also makes each other feel that they are important and not being disregard or taken for granted.
@jamuls (530)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
i sometimes go out without telling my girl but this rarely happens. telling someone that you're going out is one way of showing respect. it's like texting or calling to let her know i'm still alive.
i have friends who doesn't even bother telling their wives where they are. for some people, not telling is just normal for them. some might say that because of this, they're up to no good but it's not always the case. they just don't think it's important. you can always talk to him and tell him how you feel. talking... not arguing. big difference there. i hope you guys work this out.
good luck!
@richard2007 (3)
• India
4 Aug 10
no your are not unreasonable in asking him to let you know before leaving. But the bond between you and him is missing which was present earlier and not now . earlier you had time for him which he got noticed now that time has got distributed with different activity.
you need to understand wats the reason for his behaviour. One way is to move out with him when he goes and try to do what he likes so that he feels that he also has some reponsibilties towards the person who cares for him
@Ingkingderders (3832)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
Hmm. I am not really sure what is normal or not, but my boyfriend and I never goes out without telling each other where we are going. It's really not about asking permission like other couples, it's more of an FYI and just to make them know that you're going somewhere, and that you'll be leaving the house or something. I mean, it's just really what we have done ever since we have been together. And even when I'm in the house, before I go out, I would tell my parents or my siblings that I'll be leaving, just to let them know. 
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
4 Aug 10
Couples should have enough respect for each other to say they are going out. When you are an adult, you are independent and have the right to do what you want. It would just be common courtesy to let your partner know you are leaving the house and when you would be back. My late husband and i had many arguments about leaving the house. One minute he was home, the next minute, I would see our car heading down the driveway. I would have to wait for him to come back to find out where he went.
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
I think he has "manly" issues. Like you said, You bring home the bacon, he does the dishes and look after the kids. Which for some men are "women-only" jobs. I guess when he told you that he shouldn't be telling you everything, his asserting or confirming that he's still a man. Maybe he's having mid-life crisis or something.
It would help if you talked about it in a very calm and casual setup. Tell him why you need to know if he'll be out for groceries. Say it in a way that it sounds like you're not accusing him. It would also help if you let him do manly jobs and make him feel that you need a strong man in your life and that's him.
@nancy0618 (477)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
i know some people who likes to be informed when their other half will go somewhere, well i find it really sweet, actually, because it is like respecting also your love one. it is not much of an issue when someone will do that, or i will also do it
@Skade24 (750)
• Romania
4 Aug 10
Yes, i guess that`s why the couples are called normal, because saying what you do, where you go, and with whom, is normal in a couple, in my opinion. In my relationship this is crucial, because i have a distance relationship, so it`s hard for us not to say each other these kind of things, because if we not tell each other these things, could break our trust.
@unseenzy (171)
• Philippines
4 Aug 10
Your husband should be reasonable enough to tell you if he has to go somewhere most especially that you have kids to look out for. I think even without kids, it is really normal to at least inform your partner if you're going out. Of course, as a partner, you have the right to know. If a particular individual is uncomfortable in telling their partner about where will they go then at least they should inform their partner that they will be going off somewhere. If you want your partner to tell you where will they go (like really specific), then that's where telling you his every move comes out. But if it's enough for you if your partner only tells you that they will go somewhere (like not necessarily being specific as to where), then that's normal.. After all you're a couple.
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
3 Aug 10
My ex was like that. I think it boils down to them feeling in control of themselves when they feel overwhelmed, depressed or whatever. Even so, a spouse should give the other mate a heads up that they're taking off for a while..it's a matter of courtesy, respect, and love. While he's probably not cheating, it seems obvious that he feels he needs some alone time all by himself. It's important that he knows that while you DO trust him, what if he was needed for some kind of real emergency with the kids or the house? I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Haha, when we were still married, mine actually left on his planned 2 week vacation 'with the guys' and jumped in their car and never said goodbye. I didn't know he had been picked up even till I saw his luggage gone. (He said he was just excited for the trip lol) Like I said, it's a courtesy to let your spouse know:D
@khayshenz (1384)
• United States
4 Aug 10
Well it's not about you trying to keep tabs on him, it's actually about you keeping tabs on your kids. Plus, it's just the considerate thing to do - for someone you live with to tell you if they're heading out. What if someone calls for them - someone important and need to relay an important message? Anyway, my bf always tells me when he heads out - to the gym, biking with his friends, etc.
@lilangelspreschool (1129)
• United States
3 Aug 10
My husband used to sometimes walk out of the house without telling me so I started doing it back to him. I think he got the point without me even having to tell him because he doesn't do it anymore. If I don't like something my husband does I usually do it to him and it's better than fighting about it. Nine times out of ten it works, when it doesn't then we have to talk and sometimes fight about it.
I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to just walk out and not tell anyone. The first reason is because it's not safe and for 2 if you have nothing to hide, what's the problem?
I hope things get better for you with this 
