Should you except the mental problems of someone elses kid?

Yes of course. ADHD 50 years ago, was called "being a boy". And the duty of teaching a child not to do through other peoples stuff is called "being a parent". This women, whoever she is (assuming she is the parent), is a pathetic awful parent, and is negligent in her duties to raise the child. She is directly destroying her child.

No, it should never be and excuse. Neither should "well, i cant watch him all the time." It is her God Given duty to make sure she knows what he is doing all the time. Especially if he is ADHD. Kids can get into anything and surly will if not under proper supervision. I'd advise you to put a lock on your bedroom door. But really you should not have to. Every post you make concerning this child just sounds like he is not being properly supervised.

Regardless of this child's problem, he still needs to be taught and it's obvious that his mother isn't teaching him anything. Maybe it'll be wise of you to put some locks on your bedroom door so he or anybody else can't get in there and look through your things which is none of their business. Shame on the mother and the little boy both!

no it shouldnt be an excuse. and i do agree with you she should teach the child not to be rude going through other people stuff, and she should keep an eye on her child. people make too many excuses for the child. now i do have adha myself but learning was the key. and she need to stay ontop of him and what he does, specaily if he is at somone's place. i think what i would do is have stay around everyone else, and if she get upset oh well. i once got on my wife's cousin kids for taking something of my. told them my house my rules like it or not.

I have a child with ADHD just so that you are aware that i do know what a child is like.My son is medicated now,thankfully.My son use to smash the class rooms up at school in front of teachers,children and helpers,he is now 7.Since he has been on medication he has not smashed up class rooms,however the medication is helping him concerntrate aswell as stay on a so called calm.When his medication is running out that is when there is the ADHD yet again and i have to deal with the issues.Knowing that my son has this i would watch him all the time in other peoples houses aswell as any where else we go,the reason for this is a child with ADHD can change so fast from a nice child to a bull in a china shop.Your friend knows what is wrong with her son so she should know that she is supposed to look after him and watch him at all times.I have 6 children and i correct all of my children,no matter where i am.You should tell your friend also that she should be responsible for her child with or without ADHD.

As a Special Education teacher I can tell you that NO, ADHD is not a reason to let a child do what he wants. There is no reason that a child with ADHD cannot learn what is right and wrong, and to follow the rules laid out for him. The problem here sounds like it lies with this woman and not her son. It seems that she lacks the inclination to teach and discipline him, and as a child if he is not taught, how does one expect him to know. I think maybe a chat with this women is in order to establish some groung rules. Hope this helps. Good luck!

You could be right. It might not have been the child but she could be just using the child and ADHD as an excuse. I can tell you from experience, My brother had ADHD and all 4 of his kids have it and my sister has a son with it and a daughter with Bi-Polar and my sister in law has a child with autism and one with ADHD. And they learned not to do things and right from wrong and if she tells and teaches him something he will learn, if she chooses to teach him. She could have been going through it and he came in to see what she was doing...I guess it means that you will start having to lock your room up. I put a door handle that locks and I have to use a key to get in because of the same reason to keep people out of my stuff and you know I have had people live with me a lot and the honest truth is I had more trouble with the adults getting into my stuff then the kids.

Mental illness, of any kind, should never be an excuse. I recently found out something about myself recently, but that will not stop me from doing what I have to do and getting my degree from college, by the one, I have one more year to go. Many people always feel like because they have a mental illness that they cannot be normal or do what other people can do, but that is not true. I have know a lot of people with ADHD go on to getting their college degrees and passing exams. I had a friend who has had it since before high school, and he was great at taking test. My nephew has ADHD, got his college degree, and he isn't the smartest person in the world, but he did it. ADHD just means that you are hyper. Oh, Ty Pennington from "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" has ADHD. There actually are several actors and actresses who have it, or have other conditions and they still do what they do.

I don't believe for a minute it was the kid, your things would be of no interest whatsoever to a little boy. But I also don't hold with that "you can't watch them all the time " crap. Kids need to be watched so they don't get into strife. I hope you let your son know what she did. This shows her up for who she is. Sneaky, dishonest, lying she is NOT a nice person. This woman is untrustworthy and your son would be mad to settle down with her.

Who is this Kid and His Mother,and what's their relationsship to you to be in your home and going through your stuff while You're not there? I agree it's not always possible to keep an eye on a child,but if he has such a problem,that's no excuse...He needs better supervision,otherwise His curiosity could get the better of him...and if there are things in your home you don't want the kid to get at,hide them or lock them away.

It is true that it can be very difficult to control a child who has ADHD.. also it's true that it's nearly impossible for anyone to keep an eye on a child 24/7, even if the child does not have ADHD. It doesn't take long for a child to get into things when they want to... in the time it takes you to go to the bathroom a child can completely destroy an entire house.. trust me I know! They're also very attracted to rooms or areas of the house that are "off limits" to them and when nobody is looking that would be the first place they'd try to get into. It's all very typical kid stuff. It would probably be best that all your "not kid friendly" items be put somewhere that a child would be incapable of getting into.. such as a locked cabinet or up on a high shelf.

You don't live in a comune! We have our own rooms because we want PRIVACY!! So what if the child has ADHD! It is her responsibility to know where he is every moment. Not his because he is not of age and not responsible for himself yet! Not your because you are not his mother. No ADHD is not an excuse to let a child wonder. It is all the more reason to watch out for him and step up. AND, she has absolutely NO right to get on you about any of it. If she did I would laugh her out of my house and tell her not to come back until she got it together!!

Absolutely not! BUT, I have a nephew that had/has ADD/ADHD and he was one fantastically big handful! I was essentially his surrogate father since he spent more time at my house that at his own house and his biological father was just never able to handle him or his problems. So I think you have to give the situation some leeway because it can be such a huge and exhausting chore to be on the kid 24/7. On the other hand, a parent of such a child should be responsible for disciplining and controlling their child. I myself never shied away from addressing a behavior problem no matter where we were. My nephew's behavior was my number one concern and it took great effort to get him under control sometimes. I've even had to literally tackle him and hold him down for 30 to 45 minutes at a time just so he wouldn't injure himself or others during some of his fits. It takes a lot of grit to do this day in and day out, but it can and should be done. And it's not a matter of just sitting the kid down to explain what is acceptable behavior and what is not. It just doesn't sink in for long with these children. It literally took 20 years for my nephew to get to the point where he could begin to control himself, and it is a great relief to me! So, no you can't just let a kid do whatever they want! But you also cannot prevent all their misbehavior either! It's just an impossible task. And it is very common for parents of these children to get soooo strung out that they tend to give up trying. But that's the one thing you cannot do with these children. The instant you give up, if even for a short time, you take another two steps backward and the child gets even worse. Nobody's perfect though, and you have to give some slack to parents of such children because you have to know that they've been through hell every day with these kids.

I have a mental problem myself. I have OCD. So I probably would accept. Lock your closet. Do them yourself. It is hard to force someone with ADHD. And you normally can't teach those kids not to do something. I understand your wife's(?) situation but I have no idea about her life to side with what she said (the one where she said she can't watch him all the time). Because for me, you have to make an effort to watch your children especially with ADHD. If she really wants her kid to improve, she should sign up for therapy.

No way. She should have watched him and more closely because he has a short attention span or rather the attention span of a younger child. There are ways to distract him, get him to do something else. There are things that children should not see, especially when he might inadvertently blurt that "I saw Mrs. ---" right out in company.

Absolutely not bunnybon7. They still have to be taught what not to do. He may have ADHD but that doesn't mean that his comprehension skills are lacking. He has to be made to respect other people's personal space and their things. If you ask me, a lot of people have ADHD or Adult ADHD but we still know right from wrong. That is just an excuse and I'm kinda lost. Who is the child and his mother? Is it your sister and nephew?

A child with ADHD needs discipline just as much as a child without ADHD, maybe even more so. The fault for this one lies squarely on the mother!!!

Hi, bunnybon7. No. This child should still be taught right from wrong. He needs to understand that he can't just go through someone else things and not be held liable for it. His mom should teach him right from wrong, even though he may have a problem, understanding this.

I almost didn't respond because I feel so strongly about this. I will try to keep my rant to a minimum, lol. There are a ton of parents out there who are so lazy they will cart their kid from doctor to doctor until one breaks down, makes a diagnosis, gives a prescription, and they can have an excuse not to parent properly. As someone who has worked with children and teenagers of varying ages for 13 years, and full-time for the past 4, I see this all the time. I have worked with children with Autism so severe they had a vocabulary of less than 50 words at the age of 8, children with Aspberger's, and many, many children diagnosed as ADD or ADHD. I do not consider ADHD an illness. It is the way the brains of some people work. Some people can manage it without medication, and some people require medication during periods of intense concentration: while school is in and they need to do homework and study, for example. Many children do not need the medication during the summer break. ADHD has to do with concentration. It does not impair intelligence or the ability to understand social rules. Therefore their is no excuse for a child with ADHD to go through someone's personal effects, other than that his/her parent is too lazy to enforce the lesson that it is wrong. Children with ADHD respond well to fast-paced activities that involve multi-tasking. A parent of such a child may have to put in a little more planning so that the child is not left in an "activity vaccuum," but a well-brought up child would not go through someone's closet when bored. The point is, what he did had nothing to do with his ADHD, and everything to do with the fact that he hadn't been taught it was an unacceptable activity.

When my daughter was 4, all the doctors kept telling me she had adhd. She was never diagnosed (because doctors prefer for you to be atleast 5 yrs of age and older.) Like any grandparent, my grandmother had every excuse in the book for my child's bad behavior while I was at work. When she heard about the possible diagnosing, it turned into a total nightmare. My daughter could draw all over the wall in her care, and she would say "She cant help it." I went through many circumstances like you just described. Every grown adult has private stuff NO CHILD should see. It was arguement after arguement when I would come home and see my bedroom ramsacked through. Finally one day my grandmother said "im really tired a lot lately." And it struck me. My grandmother was using my daughter's possible ADHD issues to be a lazy babysitter. So yes, to agree with you I do believe some parents/guardians/sitters etc do not have the patience to deal with a child with ADHD, in turn they let them do whatever they want, and to make the parent feel better they blame the child's disease to make up for their lack in parenting. Just my opinion :)