Are You Going to Accept in Your Home Your Partner's Child with Another?

Hello Bingskee, I totally agree with you and Devijay. I have to be honest with myself first and foremost. I had been very faithful to him all these years and this is my reward? Well I don't think that it's fair for me and my children as well. I'll be totally frantic and I don't think that I could bear that for one minute. First I cannot forgive his infidelity and to say he had another woman bore his child is his total damnation. I hate to say this but that is beyond me. Maybe the child has nothing to do with it but that is not to say that he is totally not a part of the whole thing. The kid is the fruit of the infidelity of this man therefore I couldn't stand the sight of that child. I'm sorry, I know God always wants us to forgive but how could you do that if your heart is full of anger, maybe wrath, resentment and disgust. When we married, we promised to be faithful to each other but if he couldn't keep that promise then he should know that there are consequences. I always pray that God spare me from such a situation. Heaven knows how much I cherish my family and if the trust and respect that has been the building block of our relationship is shattered, even if I love him so much then I may choose to make his life miserable for the rest of his days. He won't ever forgive himself when that happens. God forbid me because I am capable of that. I am so sorry but thoughts like this really gets the best of me. I hope these things doesn't happen to good persons like you and me especially wives who had done nothing but to love and serve her family. Good day and have a nice weekend.

This is very difficult to respond to very quickly as until you are really in the situation you will not know what you feelings truly are. Especially if it is an act of betrayal. One things for sure that if you say you can forgive you really do not forget and to say that you forgive means you now have the constant reminder of the child and the situation for the rest of your life. For me I do not believe I can forgive without forgetting the act of betrayal. Although it is not the child's fault it certainly would not be mine either. I would have to pretend for the rest of my life that it is okay when it really is not. If it is not an act of betrayal and an act long before me it would still be a bit difficult but easier to deal with as long it was long before my relationship with the husband. If this is your situation, please keep in mind that if in fact it is out of an act of betrayal you will not be of any help to the child nor should you be expected to set aside your feelings as your husband should have known better than to jeopardize your relationship. Either direction please take time to weigh out your emotions as I stated before if it was an act of betrayal no one can expect your emotions not to be important. I see you are new on myLot so welcome and we are all here to help, although you may not agree with everything you read, that is okay as if gives you another objective way of looking at things. Good luck to you and happy myLotting.

Hi Bingskee, If my husband had an affair then odds are I would be done with the marriage. I would harbor no ill feelings toward the child but the marriage would more than likely be done and over with. I know there are women that get over and beyond this sort of thing and it has always amazed me. I don't think I could be one of them. I am divorced and my husband and I did have children together. I am sure that I could welcome a child of his into my home as the half sister/brother of my children but it would not be a home shared with him.

I believe in fidelity so if that happened, I would be devastated. I don't think I'd be able to look past it and resume having a normal, happy life. I would forgive him of course. You need to forgive people for the flaws, after all, we are only human. But forgiveness is one thing, sticking around waiting to be made a fool of again is just plain stupidity. Did it once, did it twice...

Oh my goodness this discussion is something that I have often asked friends about. I don't think I could deal with it and feel the same way you do about it. Forgiveness is a process and rather than put a child into the whole thing, since like you said the child is innocent I'd rather just have him leave. I had two stepkids with my husband when we got together and that was hard enough. I had to accept the fact that I wasn't their mother, he constantly told me in good or bad. They had a mom who was always in my house when her kids invited her over. The expense of having to raise another child who is not trained as your own child to live on a budget. The emotional pull the father has for his child. Oh no, I couldn't deal with the whole thing. I can imagine her having to drop off the child, coming to the door, so everytime I would be reminded. If she didn't drop off the child I would wonder if they are still sleeping together. My sister had this happen to her with her husband. He would always cheat on her then he got someone pregnant. They parted after that, even though she had forgiven him several times for cheating. His new wife didn't want my sister as a part of his life now and he couldn't pick up the kids unless she was present. My sister reminds her that he is still a part of her etc...big mess. I figure my own kids shouldn't be put through this whole confusion either. They want their dad to be theirs and eventually this child might create hard feelings within them if they see things have changed. I just shudder when I think of all the confusion this would create. Sometimes I think people say they can deal with it but it's hard. The child support, visits, if your husband decides to stay you will be the caretaker along with him.

**I will use the term husband in this instance, but please note that women are just as likely to cheat as a man in a marriage** When a husband cheats, and it results in a child being born from the affair, a judge will tell the wronged wife that she has no say in the matter because the affair does not have anything to do with her (go figure!). The affair happened between the man and the other woman, and this is their issue to contend with. By the same token, I would feel that the child, while deserving of a father figure (it's true that he/she did nothing to deserve the situation he/she is born into), should not concern me. I would never be cruel to the child, but I also didn't have a hand in bringing him into this world. I shouldn't have to have a relationship with it, anymore than I have to have a relationship with a friend's child. My relationship is with the friend. And my relationship is with my husband. I know that to some, it is cruel to NOT create a bond with the child, but I also need to be true to myself. Of course, who knows? If I were in the situation, maybe it would change my mind. But since hypothetical is all I have, this is what I believe I would do.

I haven't been in this situation but I guess like you it would take me a long time to accept what would happen. I know the child has nothing to do with anything. Maybe I could welcome the child but kick my husband out of the house.

A child has no choice about being born into this world. Every child deserves chance at a good life. you cannot place blame on a child because they are part of your partner's life. It would not be the easiest decision to cope with but i would try to welcome the child into my life and into my heart. Life is too short for judgment and blame to take over.

is this a real story? oh my gosh..

This is a very painful scenario. I can't imagine it happening to me but in every marital problem there's always a reason and solution. First, I will take into consideration if the infidelity happens during or before our marriage. If it happens before marriage then maybe I can accept the kid but if the infidelity happens on during our marriage then this is a whole lot of discussion for me and my partner. I will have to see if the relationship is still ongoing or not if its not then maybe I can still forgive him and give him a chance. After all life for me is all about forgiving. I can't live a life with bitterness in my heart. If I can see that he is really sorry and promise on do it again then I will go on with the marriage and try to live a normal life. If he does it the second time then he must pack his things and don't even utter one word.

Honestly its really hard to accept a child that is not yours but if the situation is something like the child born before I got attach to my partner and not a result of cheating I can welcome that child in m home. But if the case is the child is result of my partner's cheating then both of them is not welcome to my home.

It's really hard to accept the fact that my husband has cheated on me... and how much hurt will it caused me if he would tell me he got another child to the other woman. At this point in my life, I think I can't and will not, never accept that and the fact that my husband wants the child to live with us. I think knowing that my husband has mistakenly got a child from another woman come what the reasons may... I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT. It's better that we separate our ways... that is what I feel right in this very moment. Sorry for being so emotional.

That would be impossible for me to accept. Even though the child has no part to play, I cannot welcome him/her into my life. Why do we have to do all the sacrifices when the men do all the betrayals? I don't know if I would leave my husband or not. There are a lot of things to be considered if I would think of leaving him, but I know that I definitely would not live in the same place as the kid. As for forgiveness, I dont think that I would be able to forgive or forget. Once the trust is broken, it is very difficult to trust the person again.