who would you choose and you defend ???????

Thats a tough one and the man staying in joint families has to face this sometime or the other and there is no escaping this fact. True that your parents have brought you up but I would have to say that your wife has to be your numero-uno priority. She is the one who will walk by your side maybe till the very end! You have to be careful not to hurt anyone. Coz if you fail and land up hurting anyone here you are inviting more trouble in the future. The best way out is - Leave the thing as it is and let them sort out between themselves. Everyone around is grown up and mature enough to handle things on his or her own. But of you have to take a side, you should take side of your wife. If she is wrong, there are better ways to tell this to her and also ask for forgiveness from your parents when alone for the wrongs done by your wife and promise them that this wont be repeated.

for me i will ask first both side why they had conflict. for me i cant chose because wife is important and my parents are important to... i will not chose them i want them to talk why they had conflict and so that we will be together again.

Well this is a difficult situation. You're really suppose to defend your wife; she's your number 1 priority. If you think your wife is in the wrong perhaps you could gently talk with her about these family problems. The thing is if you are depending on your parents you also have to live by their rules. It's like a no win situation. You and your wife can't make them to mad or they might tell you to leave. I guess you should try to start saving money back so you can get your own place. In the meantime tell your wife she must try to get along with them.

Depending on the issue but first of all we must know the main issue how it was started. I really disagree that the wife should not work just because she needs to help in household chores. I mean duhh!!!! when my brother got married they were living in just one house including us, of course our parents. The wife still worked in his office but then we have maids to do the job. She never get any conflicts with our parents. If you can then just try to explain each ones side.

You should know first, the conflict between them. Don't get in the issue. Try to fix by explaining to both of them, the good and bad things that they've done.

Children staying at home after marriage with their partners is almost always a formula for disaster. Especially if one believes that they have some kind of equal rights or something of the fashion. The bottom line is that it is the parents home and regardless of how unfair it may seem, their word is law. Many of us have found ourselves in similar situations. If clear cut agreements were not reached in the beginning, it makes for an even more difficult situation. Of course a spouse will defend his/her spouse, but the best solution for alleviating a problem of a wife that does not get along with parents is to move her out before permanent damage is done to relationship. Parents will put up with grown children but may not want to put up with someone else's grown children. Sometimes parents even blame the spouse for for their child's situation. So if what you want is for the fighting to stop so that all can live harmoniously, the best thing to do is move. I believe Children shouldn't be staying with parents after marriage anyway. I would not want my daughter moving in with me with her husband and their child. Of course, as a father if she came to my door seeking help, I would take her in along with my Grand baby. But her husband is going to have to find sanctuary with his family. I will not make any exceptions to that. Even if he has no family he can leave my daughter with me and he can go out and do what all men do, struggle to make a life for his family. It may sound cruel, but that is what i believe.

Well you love both so dont choose. Try to help them solve their confilcts with each other. Make them see that they are a family and as a family they must be together and not always to they have to be in conflict. Talk to them separately and see what's the problem then try to get them talking to get along.

You must sit together and discuss the problem and then take the decision after explaining each others the real problem.

well,if the parents can take care of themselves, the husband and wife can chose to move out and the wife can have her job. but they should visit their parents offten,like the weekends or holidays. ANOTHER WAY, the wife should try to get along well the parents and be nicer

Well,You may start to put your family on your own therefore you can avoid conflict between your parents and wife. Don't reason out that your salary income is not enough if you raising a family you must stand with your own. Both of them has a problem cause they are quarrel to each other. Don't think who will you choose to defend you must come up for a solution.