what is the best way to discipline kids?

One of these days you will have kids and will be faced with deciding on discipline. Too bad you were rude to your parents tho. But,at least now you understand that you were. Good you are a man now and can see things differently. Hang in there.

My child should be taught that he/she has responsibilities to me, the entire family and I need not make him my friend for him to understand his responsibilites in our family life. I also will not beat a child to show anger and know that he/she will be afraid of me in the future. I want respect and I want the child to understand he /she has to develop a sense of family and duty.

Wow... you really do have trouble with authority don't you? Seriously, at any age, everyone has a responsibility to their families.

Sometimes i think about this and i think it's kind of funny when parents say crap like your kid has responsibilities to you, you decided to get pregnant and have that baby and raise it, you had the control to bring that child into the world and they had no say, the way you explain it quita88, i would have rebelled like hell in my teen years.

You had more kids than I did. I am not against spanking at all except like you say now if you bust that bottom you get into trouble. I have those neighbors across the street with the little girl who kept running across the street and opening my gate and letting my dogs out and I finally told the mama that she needed to bust her daughter's bottom...........she said, NO! I'll go to jail for that ! I had to put a lock on my gate and kinda made them mad. She still runs across that street and I hold my breath hoping she doesn't get run over. If I see her I run out and yell at her or call the house and tell the lady to get her daughter. They have a real discipline problem with her. She's a good kid but they don't make her mind. You and your husband had a good understanding and I'm sure your kids benefited from that. I think grounding is one of the best methods except they drive you nuts with their pity potty crap LOL Thanks for responding ..............

Oh they didnt augue with me after I told dad what they did. they knew better. So they eithe played out front or went to thier rooms to do what ever they did. LInda watch tv or read mags. Wade listen to music and play with cars or what ever. MOstly they were outside. and they had to be in our yard by dark and we would set outside to be with them. Not sure how the other three that got kidnapped from me were disaplined but one one turned out pretty good and thats Clay.

wow that was fast thanks for BR

Dear Quita88. I notice that you gave Best Response when your post was only one hour old. When you are premature with your B.R. you discourage further responses to your post, which costs you money. When responders see BR has been given they may just skip answering your post and go to the next! Its best to wait for at least a week before you give your BR.

Ah punishment? there are many forms. Training begins when they a child is born. Punishment is not always physical. I am not ever really angry with my grand sons. I just wanted to point out that I needed some opinions on disciplining them if need be. I do respect their rights and they respect mine, HOWEVER, the deal making should be done as a "if you see it needs to be done, do it" don't ask, do it" They don't always need to be paid for doing work that is part of every day life. The necessities in life, such a food preparation and serving them should be a no brainer. I pay the oldest for mowing my grass and they youngest for picking up the yard of the debris my dogs leave laying and also their stuff. I love them and tell them and they have proven they love me too even tho in their home affection is not shown. I make it a priority to hug and say "I luv U" every time I talk or text. I believe my grandsons are learning other ways of life and love cuz of my presence now and I'm proud to be a part of their lives now. I thank you for your response.

BEAR HUGS...........so sorry you disagree with my choice.......the BR was good in my opinion.

Sounds as if you handled it well. I think the key is to be real clear on what you expect and the consequences if they don't abide.

Hi Sid :) I've just recently been able to have my grand sons cuz I've been out of state but the article I read really did floor me. I was taught to spare the rod, spoil the child. I didn't like that even when I was raising my own son. I did have a slight problem with my middle grand son last week end. His dad, my son told me to have the middle boy mow the grass and when I asked I sensed he really didn't want to. Now it is unusually hot here but like I told him, if we get after it and take turns we can be done in no time. He mowed the front and then said he didn't want to mow the back....... I told him to go in the house while I helped my hubby with the weed eater..my husband is an invalid.. But, when I came back in the house the boy was on this computer playing games. I made him turn it off and told him his dad had suggested I ask HIM to mow cuz he would be the best at it but if he didn't want to there would be no fishing or computer. It was his choice and I also told him I loved him and wanted him here any time day or nite. He started to cry.........ah geez ! I held firm tho! I told him to wipe those tears and if he thought he still wanted to go fishing when it cooled down to get up and get on that mower. He did ! He didn't finish but it was hot. I paid him a few bucks and told him if he wanted to make a few bucks when he was here to mow for me. Still looks like you and I ran into about the same problem with our grand kids. Yours being a hard headed girl and mine a hard headed boy. I will have mine again this coming week end and I'll bet the boy asks to mow... I just feel as grand parents we have to stay consistent and make them understand we mean business. Discipline has come a long ways since I raised my boy but believe me, it never stops........... Thanks for your response. quita

The part that I had a problem with as a child growing up was 'why'. Why it had to be done this way, why I couldn't go there, why I couldn't associate with that person and so on. It was always 'because I said so'. Well, that doesn't explain it to a child and the child becomes rebellious. I know I did big time but not just for those reasons but because something happened to me that made me go on the self destruction mode. However, had I felt comfortable to go to my parents and tell them, I most definitely would have but because I was afraid, I didn't go to them and it made my life pure hell. Now once the adult explains it to the child then most likely they'll have a child who's more willing to do things the way they're told. Not always but it's a good start. Then the adult has to show some authority. Another thing I believe in too is when a child asks a question, they deserve to know the answer. Not like what I was told which was, 'oh you're too young to understand'. That's bullsh!t! If I had mind enough to think of the question then I have mind enough to know the answer. Maybe not the whole answer but an answer that would satisfy my young mind.

I really thought discipline was going to be something new for me as a grandma but as it turns out and with so many members telling me the same disciplinary actions they take with their own kids actually nothing has changed. I talk to my grandsons and explain things to them. I understand my house rules are a lot different than theirs are at home but still they are basically the same. I had one incident where the middle boy, eleven gave me a "I don't want to" attitude and I told him in a stern voice why he wanted to................ he did it too.... After that seemed like we got along super great. The little one, :), he's a corker and still a baby in a lot of ways but we get along great. I think cuz I'm still a kid at heart myself is why we do get along great. But, you are right. with kids if you let them know in a calm manner with stern words what you expect out of them and then if that doesn't work, take away a privilege. So, I aint' doing so bad !! hugs, quita

LOL, seems as tho I must have that same kind of face ! Hubby tells me ever so often that he hopes I don't die looking like this cuz he'd never be able to open the casket LOL But, we are older and we grew up in a different life style. Even my own son was good and I attribute that to the fact we talked and I too had that "dont' ever do that again" in my voice too........ 'course he to got his share of spankings when he was little....just don't tell him that. He might have me put in jail NOW So we is alike are we not

Personally I think what you do is akin to abuse. I just had my two grandsons and found out that a good talking too is the best source of discipline. Get help.

I agree. Every choice of discipline can be handled without violence. I tend to talk it all out and only on occasion do I have to raise my voice. The kids seem to understand when they have done wrong most times. Violence is always out.

One of my points exactly. Molding a child in the early years and the stages they do fall under are crucial to child development. Parents do tend to either under estimate or over estimate their kids worth or usefullness, or knowledge.... I know with my three grand sons the two youngest try to be macho with the oldest. The youngest does the same with the middle boy and the middle boy is still a little boy... They each have their good and bad/strong and weak points and yet my son, their dad, expects them all to do about the same in education, work endeavors and forgets they are still kids. Still he manages to work a full time job, coach all three teams in base ball and take them places and he really is good a dad. Kids need consistency and the knowledge their own interests are taken into consideration. When the boys are here, they are completely different from what they act like at home. They are little boys here and we talk and play. I may be spoiling them but I have books here they read that their parents have no idea they read.......... Thanks for pointing out your opinions and thoughts.

Yes, yes ! communication is the only way to deal with little kids. We have to be on their level and never shout. I like the way you think. I know I was rebellious when I was a kid and because I was yelled at and told I was stupid. The new psychological theories are new to me but spanking a child is not bad if they need it. I do agree that one could traumatize a kid by physical punishment....... thanks for your advice.

Spanking is ok but beating is out. Corporal punishment as I see it, understand it, is out too. We have to consider our offspring is a human being too. They are only small adults who need to learn. Embrace the fruits of my labor? Maybe you'd better not become a parent.

HMM? since this is the second response from you, I feel honored to be able to talk to you. Consistency is a problem sometimes in a family, but I feel something very bad has happened here... I did spank my son when he was small and he is a well adjusted man now. He even spanks his own three boys and they are wonderful kids to be around.. They are mannerly and help out at home and take their chores very seriously and do them without being asked. Your parents must have really been awful to you. If you'd like to talk to personally, PM me and we can talk this over in private. I feel your need for someone to listen to you. No, a little spanking cannot go very wrong but a beating or several beatings can. Do PM me. I'd love to talk to you on a personal basis. I am sending you hugs, quita88

AlixJ18, Please read this: http://www.anger.org/ many hugs, quita88

No, we do not allow children to to do what they think best and learn from it. We as parents guide our children and hope they to some degree can learn to do thing the way they are intended to be done. I as a grandma understand all to well that kids are raised differently than I raised mine a long time ago. Still we are all flesh and blood and no dear, I do not agree with you.