When is love too much?

Hi Linda, I do believe that we can sometime, on purpose, allow our children to be the center or our existence, which so very wrong. Children are not our to keep, they must be trained to surviving in the world after they reach the age of indenpendence. Smothering (S...mothering)your children will only make them unproductive as young adults, and they will be not good in any relationship, other than with the mother. Children will conform to this kind of treatment from the parents and will not want to change this negative life-style. No doubt we should love our children, but when they can do no wrong or nothing is to good for them or everything is done for them, we are creating lazy, spoiled, and selfish children. Children should grow and then they should go.

I absolutely think you should not do everything for your child like that. My mother wasn't to that extreme but she did a lot for us such as laundry, cooking and she babied us a lot! Then, when I moved out and got married my husband had to teach me how to cook and do laundry because I didn't have a clue. In turn, it hurt me rather than helped me. I felt stupid since my husband was teaching me something that a wife should already know how to do! It was embarrassing for me...

This kind of rearing a child isn't admirable. This is not love because it only teaches a person to become dependent and dumb. I have an aunt who used to give all what she has, whatever her daughter wants until such time that the world tumble down and they need to be too thrifty. Her daughter became rebellious and start life to compare. They point fingers to everyone. THis is one of many misconceptions about LOVE

I find myself serving my boys all the time that at times I ask myself the same question, am I enabling them to be bad adults? Don't get me wrong they help me around the house but when it comes to picking up sometimes I feel they could do so much more. I have seen these kind of cases that you mentioned and I tell myself I'd shoot myself if I had a son who turned out to be a bum. I have one girl who wants to help all the time and I tell myself one day she will be a mom so she has to learn. It's a scary thought that you are raising some incompetant adult.

A mother's love is immeasurable. It is an emotion that transcends ordinary understanding. Mother's can go far and do extraordinary things for the sake of their child. Be this a good thing or bad thing depends wholly on the child who is the recipient of this love, whether he'll abuse or appreciate it. I can't say that the love shown by the woman in your story is too much, it is the child who is taking advantage of his mom's love. But of course, there's a point in a child's life where the parent should step back and let their child do things on his own.

I am not a parent but I do disagree on doing that for a child or children. That is so wrong and children will not learn from this. You you wait on them hand and foot and let them have it easy all the time then that is what they will except life to be like when really you have to work for what you want. You can get help along the way but not be waited on like that. I believe that is so so very very wrong! I have seen, heard and read that doing such a thing to your child can lead them to be grown up spoilt. $-MrDollars-$

Loving too much a son is leading to spoiled brat. And it is not good to him for becoming a man. When he is grown up already don't show him to much care lead him to being dependent until he became old. No decisions in his life very dependent. Speaking of material things he will stay as what he likes he gets. As I know loving too much in many ways is not good.

Linda- I agree that there can definitely be too much given to a child. Children in today’s world seem to be the epitome of materialism and capitalism. I am not saying that every child is like this, but it seems it is becoming more widespread. I’ve seen more and more children who cannot simply use their imagination to play, they will look a child who is and say things like “That’s not real you know”. Of course it isn’t “real”, it doesn’t need to be. I personally think there are too many “toys” on the market today and that children are losing a valuable part of being a child. I also agree with stern but loving discipline. It will not kill a child to go without dessert because he was misbehaving. It will not kill a child to go to bed on time and in their own bed. It will not kill a child to hear the word “No” from time to time. Children need adults to set the limits and show them how to live by self-control. As you said, a child without such an upbringing becomes a burden on society. I believe that we see a great many criminals because of this lack of parenting. I think we’d see fewer crimes if we started at home with our children, providing them a healthy home life. And I do not think that being poor has anything to do with setting values. Just because you do not have a lot does not mean you do not have to discipline your children or teach them values. My husband and I are a single income family, and I stay at home. Our children are little, but we are moderate in our externals with the children. Our family focuses on quality time, rather then quantity. Oh, we still give gifts at the Holy Days, but they are not over-done or to an extreme. And our children pass along old toys to others when they are done playing with them. This is something we’ve set by example. If we decide we want something new, something old from the house must go. I will admit it is a difficult path to start. The early days of our practice were not easy, but they have become integrated that it is a regular habit now. Namaste-Anora

I have seen mothers doting on their children even after they have grown up. I see sons completely dependent on their mothers for everything including combing their hair. Such boys are often a misfit after they get married. They rather remain attached to their mother. Mother does not want that they should sleep with their wife. I this this kind of love is simply a love too much.

WOW! At first, I really thought I fell into that category, but then continue reading.. Very good post! I have one daughter who is now 27 and I still refer to her as "my baby girl" but she has been on her own since she was 18 and we live 600 miles apart! Even though we have lived apart for almost 10 years, we are extremely close and talk several times a day. My problem is during those calls when she needs to "vent" or when someone has hurt her (emotionally). I have a VERY hard time putting away my "mommy bear" claws and just be her friend. Which often causes fights. LOL She tells me I can't be attacking people and I tell her she doesn't understand because she's not a "mom." But WOW, I can't imagine still doing her laundry!! And sleeping with her?? That woman will be very sorry one day! Her son will have an extremely difficult time should something happen to her and she no longer can do those things. Her son will be completely lost in the real world. I raised my daughter to be very independent, probably too independent which is why we fight like friends sometimes! Nice post!