Have I lost my mind?
By beemacho
@beemacho (9)
United States
August 11, 2010 9:41pm CST
Been married for 2 years. Been rocky and crazy pretty much the whole time, but I love him. Though, anymore I don't think he cares or I don't know. He just got back from deployment in April (2nd tour). Since then we have been in a runt and just not connecting anymore..(which I wonder now if we ever have?) We love each other I do know this much. Long story short...he is into buying new toys example (dirt bike, kayak). And instead of spending time with me and our daughter (1) every weekend he is out doing these things and when he doesn't go out he is home sleeping or he calls our spending time together sitting on the couch doing nothing. I am not saying I want him to spend money on us or anything I just want him to do something with us outside of the house but he never seems to care or wants to. If it's not his idea or what he wants then forget it pretty much. I tell him these things and of course I get the nagging wife role...and of course a *itch! I just want him to spend time with us and be happy....i miss him. I miss the way he use to love me...and showed me. Just sad and lost and hurt. Any ideas? Help!
1 person likes this
8 responses
@myiesha (96)
• Singapore
12 Aug 10
That's sad beemacho. But don't be too gloomy about it.
Do something and make every moment count!
Why don't you join him in his activities and then afterwards ask him to do the same, maybe he'll consider it since you're showing interest with his hobbies.
And that spending time together sitting on a couch doing nothing,
have small talks.
Maybe he misses you too.
@beemacho (9)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I'm def down for all the activities that he does and is into. I am a country girl so I've done a lot of the activities he is doing now. The only problem is when he is out riding his dirt bike or kayaking I can't just go with him because I have our daughter. She is 14 months old so I can't exactly take her with us. I honestly don't mind spending time at home together but he doesn't do that. he is either on the computer or his phone. After so many small talks it just doesn't work anymore. gets old if you know what i mean. he misses me when it's convenient for him. That's how i feel
@churchill1980 (764)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
i am sad with your story. i think your husband needs some massage and sweetness from you, for him to do the same. i always do that with my husband, i have to be showy with him so that he will feel that i also need the same from him. keeping the love burning is a work of two, you have to be more thoughtful and loving if you want the same treatment. start it with yourself.
@beemacho (9)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I try little sweet things for him, but it just doesn't seem to work. I've tried candle lit dinner rose pedals, the whole works. Like yesterday he came home from work and I tried to give him a real kiss and hold him in my arms and kiss him, he just was like stop. He tells me I don't show him enough but it is so hard when I get rejected or I know I will get rejected. Since we have been thru so much and recently as well, he has shut me out again. He isn't open with me because of this all so, when this happens the love and showing it goes away too. I just don't know what to do anymore. I was playing on taking him away for a weekend to a bed and breakfast and get massages in room with champenge and chocolate. But then I think who knows if he will even like this.
@fiazio (734)
• India
12 Aug 10
Hello, i think almost all people in the marriage pass through this phase. If he doesn't take the right steps, maybe you should. Surprise him with a romantic candle light diner, and the stuff that he likes, and who knows, maybe everything comes back to like it was before or even better, just make sure you take the first steps!
best of luck
@lilangelspreschool (1129)
• United States
15 Aug 10
I know the feeling... My husband is not in the military but he just bought a jet ski and he has been fixing it up and taking it out to ride and my kids and I miss him a lot. He owns a remodeling company here so he works a lot. He doesn't usually get home until about 10pm, sometimes later than that =(
He doesn't understand at all at times.
So, I figured that when someone shows you no attention, all you want is more of their attention. I now ignore him when I really want attention from him. It's really hard but I just go about doing whatever with my kids and not paying attention to him at all. You know, when I do this he comes to me and does give me attention. He doesn't like it when I don't pay attention to him.
It goes with that saying you want what you can't have. 
It's so true!
It's so true!
@akopoaysi (739)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
i feel bad for you beemacho.. he maybe just want to have sometime for himself too and i think he misses you and your daughter but since he was gone for so long he maybe needs to reconnect with you. maybe you need to do the first move. you will spend so little time with him. make the best out of it. why dont you join him. and after that ask him to join you with your daughter playing at the park. or something like that.
@LingXX0103 (151)
• China
12 Aug 10
I share your feeling.
I know you love him very much indeed.But do you know that he still loves you as well?
Maybe this question makes you sad and hard to answer.
You'd better have a open-mind talk,then you can know what he think and find question to deal with it.
And when you talk with him,you should be more patient and listen to what he said.
Provding conflict and dont offend each other.
Good luck.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 10
try convey your desire by persuade him in bed. Sometimes diplomacy in the bed is far more effective than gentle persuasion at the dinner table
@fanzejian (372)
• China
12 Aug 10
i am single,I don't know that's why clearly. but many friends of mine have been marriged ,I always get their complaints about their family including nagging wife ,boring children ,heavry pressure,lcking miney and so on.I envy them and wish them happy when I heared their complaints.maybe this is a way that is called thoughts from another role.maybe It is a good mean that could solve your problem to communication with your lover in pleasant atmosphere.
