The story of my life

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I remembered some stories my mom used to tell me, when wanted to name me. My father wanted my name to be Jason, as in Jason Presley, since he is one of Elvis Presley fan. It took them 3 months to name me, until a local reverend of Catholic Church (I think his name was Father Bernard Mulder - from Germany) suggest to my father to name me, Oliver instead of what my father wanted. At the end, I baptized with the name that the reverend suggested to my father as it brought meaning of an olive tree in German (which I recently know from a book "Christian name for babies"). Raised and gotten nickname "Bam Bam" since my childhood behavior reflecting a character in the Flintstones series (son of Barney Rubble), and being the naughtiest of all family members. And also I was the youngest of all in the family. To be exact, my mother gave birth to me when she was 42, and they never expected me. During my schooling days, from the kindergarden school, my educational interest and performance were never been doubt as smart boy in the class. I master chinese language when I was 5 from the kindergardenschool. But somehow when I started primary school when I was 7 until 12 years old, my chinese language mastery were declining. Perhaps during that time, my dad sent me to english school which not teaching chinese and there's no chinese student around to talk with. But anyway, my academic performance was never been doubt that time as I earn many praise and recognition from my teachers. Once I started to study in a lower secondary school, from the age of 13 - 15, I made history of achievement for the school where finally there a student who break the record of having straight A's student. When starting at 16, I was sent to a boarding high secondary school until 17 of age. From there, my academic achievement was well expected and at 18, it was a crucial moment where I want to decide to go on further studies to the university level. As mentioned earlier, being given high expectation from everyone around and mostly from parent is kind of a burden to me. That time I was afraid to voice out my opinion on where to further my studies. Since my father is old, not knowing of current educational institution quality of that time in Malaysia (well, as expected from an old British educational background), with his pride and ego, he chosen to enroll me to an experimental matriculation program which conducted by the Ministry of Education here in Malaysia in the year 1999. From there, I feel I have no interest to study since I don't really into become a lab rat and the syllabus was all jumble up with the lecturers don't have idea what to teach to the students. That time I was intentionally failing my subjects while looking for opportunities and applying to study somewhere else better facilitated and organized. During the semester break, they always force me to go back home even though it's begin to annoy me when learning that they made me to admit to the decision they made which without asking from me to consider and opinions. During that time, I manage to fail my subjects and want to show my parent of the other offer I received from own initiative to search for a good place to study. Instead of given consideration, they blaming me for being fail of my subjects and insisted me to continue. As stubborn as I am, I never want to succeed in the studies since at first, they never consider my opinion and never consider the place I keep on trying to fail is a not reliable place to study, even though the program was conducted by the Ministry of Education itself. Within a year and half of struggling to fail, I manage to end the the study with fail results and that time I oppose my dad for his decision which made me doing what I don't want to do. I almost punch my dad in the face that time, but instead of my dad, I almost had my eldest brother admitted to the hospital due to he kept on agreeing with my father (I know his intention of getting my father to agree as well when he need money by using me). Seriously, during that time the rage and anger inside me of bot being accepted of opinion kind of bursting me out. The most frustrating moment of my life, when choosing a university to study in. I chose a university which provide me with the field of studies I am interested in, Software Design. But instead of given that choice, I was forced to study in Mechanical Engineering in a university that not even I am interested to study in. At the end, I have to continue studies in the university that I don't want to to and study Mechanical Engineering. As time goes by, I felt my rage and anger towards their ego and stubborn attitude of forcing me to study what they want me to study and to meet their expectations, during the semester break of the first year, I went back home and on a particular day, I was cleaning and arranging some drawers in the living room until I found an offer letter from the university that I applied before and accepting me to study in Software Engineering. Well, that time my anger and frustration invoked again and almost try to burn the house down, but I didn't make it. But that time, I just simply said to my family, especially my dad, not to expect anything from me anymore since I won't study seriously in Mechanical Engineering and will only achieve the lowest class I will. Then I manage all the study in pain and finish it without thinking of my dad expectation. Even during the graduation day, I don't even want the university to send invitation to my parent to come and see me graduate. But, during that moment, since the first semester break until the end of study, I never gone back home. I stay at my rented apartment and doing part time jobs when the break is on. And now, I am at 29 of age, it's been almost 10 years I never step on my home ground soil due to the frustration and the emotion of will be aggressive when meeting them face to face still never fade in. I guess that's the best way to prevent me from hurting them physically. The words from my dad and some statement from those like my eldest brother and his wife that hurt me so much still lingering in my mind and the only thoughts in my mind when meeting them some day is only revenge. They called me stupid and being a failure as well as bad person who are always disobedient to what they want (well, of course everyone will be not obedient to the stuff they ask to do which they don't like). I guess I will put my revenge not directly but in a way when they are least expected me to arrive and made them pay all the suffering they've done to me. I hope from my story, the parents out there amongst mylotters, won't try to be so smart in front of your kids when the crucial moment when point of turning their life just started. If they ask opinion from you, try make some researches on the institutions they want to study at relate them to the current situations of prospects and opportunities in the future for them. But the best way, support what your kids believe in and let them achieve what they like and not what you like. Don't ever made them feel like how I am towards my family now and also don't force them to do what they don't want to do. Be flexible and don't ever make them feel like you are the old generation which not knowing the current situations. Sorry for the long post, but I guess it might be longer if I write all the details around. Thanks for your opinion and attentions!