consoling a sick friend
By tigeraunt
@tigeraunt (6326)
Philippines
August 14, 2010 9:47am CST
dear my lotters,
this happened just a few days back. i was doing mylot and my yahoo messenger was open but it has been a habit for me to place it in invisible mode when i am working. then an offline came out from a friend whom i have deleted from my list for about 3 months now. saying that he found out lately from his dentist after getting an extraction about 8 weeks ago that he has an oral cancer because the upper portion of his gum would not heal. he said he will understand if i will just go away and not talk to him anymore. it felt very sad like he is saying he is already marked and going to die very soon. he is a 70 years old friend, a widower and living in uk. he has a daughter who is now married and lives several blocks away from him. 
i didnt know how to respond to that but i felt very sorry for him and i just wanted to console him to the best i could. i want to send him an email to tell that i am very sad for him. but i dont know how to say it in the right words.
if it was written to you, how will you respond to it?
ann
i didnt know how to respond to that but i felt very sorry for him and i just wanted to console him to the best i could. i want to send him an email to tell that i am very sad for him. but i dont know how to say it in the right words.
if it was written to you, how will you respond to it?
ann9 responses
@Tamijuddin (81)
• India
15 Aug 10
I really appreciate your concern towards a 70 year old friend whom you have deleted 3 months ago. Since his come back with a sad life costing incident, he would definitely need support from his old friends. write to him as :
Good to hear from you pal..xyz.. It is really saddening to read your message, but we all have to leave one day. What we leave behind, friends, wealth, charity, good work etc. alone matter after we disappear. Please do not lose your mental strength because still friends like me are there to support you.
That is it.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
hi tamidjuddin,
it is a very nice letter. thank you.
id be sending him another one. and a card - get well soon.
ann
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
hi ebuscat,
sent him a christmas card in october.
he said he got it but he is not opening it until december. i said yes, it is supposed to be opened on that day. as of now, he just have to look at the envelop. and that made him chuckle.
ann
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
14 Aug 10
hi ann,
it is very very difficulty to me to give such answers,now he is in critical position,our words should not give more pain to him,so send a message that ,even though he have cancer,god can only cure his cancer,so you are praying god to remove cancer from him,say like this,i do not know is it right way or not?have a nice day
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
dear yugasini,
i can feel the depression the way he announced how sick he was. but he was very brave to tell me and his friends like it is just "one of the days" natural event. 
i hope my friends here who reads would help me pray for this friend. i hope he do not suffer from pain. 
ann
i hope my friends here who reads would help me pray for this friend. i hope he do not suffer from pain.
ann
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 10
Hi,
Feel sorry about your friend.
As a friend to him,you should try to console him and
ask him to be strong to face the situation.
Cancer does not mean can't be cure and always think positively.
Ask him to seek for medication as soon as possible and since he is staying
near her daughter,he should let her daughter know about his condition.
Tell him that whenever he need someone to talk to,
you will always there for him.
Hope everything is going well for your friend. Takecare!!
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
dear shia,
there is hope, still. his dentist told him that when after taking stronger anti biotics for nearly two weeks and still it did not heal, that was his findings. he wanted to be sure so he had taken samples for biopsy. he is still waiting for the results. i hope it comes out negative.
thank you so much for this response.
ann
@amrddy (215)
• Philippines
15 Aug 10
Hi tigeraunt,
I also have a very close friend who was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver and was given at the most three years to live. We see each other every week and spend time together malling or just talking. Life has to go on like what we are saying it's only God who can take away your life...at least you are still given time to make amends for whatever wrong you did before. Just be a normal friend like before, talk to him as if he doesn't have the "sickness". He needs someone he can talk to coz I am sure he is afraid.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
hi amrddy,
he has contacted me and i have learned that right now he is undergoing radio theraphy. he says it is awful feeling.
i was thinking to myself, it may be like chemo theraphy wherein there are s many side effects like nausea, balding, etc.
i know him as a very jolly person. i hope he doesnt suffer but he be given far more time here on earth. always i pray for him.
ann
@suryaannamdevula (44)
• India
15 Aug 10
write a mail to your friend saying.god is great, nothing will happen to you .he will show a road to cure your cancer.dont worry.keep in touch with me.i will do the necessary help that i can.be happy and enjoy the life till the last minute.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
dear surya,
thank you so much for your response. have a nice day.
ann
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
15 Aug 10
Hi ann, this is very difficult, similar to writing to someone who has just lost a loved one. All I can advise is just imagine you met him in te street, what would comr from your heart? Try and imagine that, and write down the words. Good luck. Mike.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Aug 10
This is definitely a tough situation. Whatever you want to say to him definitely needs to be honest and from the heart. And, coming to terms with what you would like to say to him may take you quite a while to come up with because in a situation like that, it never seems that there are words that are actually sufficient. I think that the best thing that you can do as a friend is to simply be there for him if he needs someone to talk to.
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
hi dora,
it is very tough indeed. i could not make eye contact with him for a long time because i get teary eyed just thinking about him sick.
so everytime i talk now, i try to talk of jokes to make us both amused. but then, he said he could not smile the way as before. his jaws seem to restrict it. poor friend.
ann
@Mairee (8)
• United States
15 Aug 10
It's a hard situation. I would write back and tell him you're sorry about his situation and will keep him in your prayers. Offer to renew the friendship. That means more than anything to a person in his situation.
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
hi mairee,
thank you so much for this response.
am sure it would really mean a lot to him that he finds a thoughtful friend in me. 
ann
ann