Hey Dad, answer me this please!!
@froggieslover (3069)
United States
August 16, 2010 9:00pm CST
If you never met your father and had to chance to ask him question about his life what are things that you would be sure to ask?
Some of you may remember a few months back when my friend was dealing with her real father that she never met and possibly having the chance to meet him well she now has the chance to ask him some questions and can remember some that she has always wanted to know but I know there are some that she can't think of and I have helped here with some that I may ask because I too grew up not knowing my real father so I have some input but i know there are some that should be answered and was just asking for help from some fresh minded outsiders...Thanks!!
4 people like this
11 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Aug 10
my son I found after 27 years almost the first queston was answered about the eyes when he looked at me but then I had to take off my shoes so he could see my toes lolololol.
and ya know think what is fav.color what kind of ansetery.
Yup there was alot of questions and thats all I remeber he asked
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Aug 10
because he thought his was funny I guess most people have the 2nd one longer than the rest but ours are all about the same size. first 3 toes aboutthe sam length then the go down a little on the next 2 lolololol yup I thought it a funny request too
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47611)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Aug 10
Why did he want to see your toes?
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@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
19 Aug 10
I know for myself my toes are all the right size which I think is great because for most people I know they have the one toe that is longer than their big toe. My family always calls them french frie toes LOL...Thanks for your reply lakota!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Aug 10
Mostly I think I'd just want to know what he looks like. The closest discription I have is from my Godfather who'd met him once, and said he looked a bit like Elton John. I know I definitely look a lot more like my mother except I have brown eyes and she has blue.. but I'm still curious to see what my father might look like. I'd probably also like to know if I have any other siblings.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
19 Aug 10
I don't have any regrets from growing up without a dad.. and probably would not feel the need to know him. He wasn't even aware of my existence so I can't hold it against him that he was never there... but I still don't feel the NEED to have him in my life, you know.. I've lived 30 years not knowing and can go the rest of my life still not knowing.
1 person likes this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
19 Aug 10
She has seen pictures of him from her facebook but he hasn't sent her any pictures. I think that maybe their noses look the same but I think she looks more like her mother.
I am sorry that you never got to meet your father, I am in the same boat but I am not sure that if the chance ever came that I would want to get to know my father. She knew of a few siblings that she had that she learned about through rumors and such but found out there was another that she didn't know about.
Thanks for your response kats!!!
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
23 Aug 10
I'd be wanting to know why he left. There's always two sides to a story. Maybe he was asked to leave before she was even born. If that was the case then you could hardly expect him to have any feelings for a child he's never known whose mother didn't want him in her life.
Things were different back when she was born, fathers had very little to do with their children for the most part. Even if the mother went out to work the children were still more her responsibility. Father's were not encouraged to participate more fully in their children's lives like they are now.
If I was a guy and had fathered a child 30/40 years ago and then left for whatever reason I would probably never have given the child another thought...why? What's the point? I wasn't given the opportunity maybe. Maybe I just didn't know how to relate to being a father, maybe I wasn't ready. Obviously there was no discussion or trying to work things out.
If I was to meet my Dad after not having to know him I would make it a fresh start and try to get to know each other. There always needs to be give and take in any relationship. If she just wants to know her Dad so she can blame him for something then they will both end up unhappy...what's the point of that??
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I fully agree MsTickle...I know that she asked him his side of the story and his was pretty much what her mother told her...She will tell me pretty much all that they talk about because she asks for alot of advice on how to respond back. I know that he mentioned something to her in the beginnings of their talking that he wasn't sure that she was his..they haven't done any tests to find out so I am not sure what might of changed his mind into talking to her but I think as long as he is talking to her right now take advantage of it and try to find out as much as she can!!! Thanks a bunch for your response!!!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Sep 10
I think a lot of the time the father just moves on...there may not even be a reason. He just leaves, usually through incompatibility and not knowing what else to do. Being a parent is hard and most people don't have a clue how to go about it. Isn't that sad?
Thanks for best response.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Aug 10
hi froggieslover I think the first thing I would ask him is why
he left me, and did he not love me that he was willing not to see
me? then I would go from there depending on his answers. I might
tell him I had always wanted a daddy but why did you not want me.
This would be so hard I can imagine as the girl must have a million
questions she wants to ask but she is talking to a man who is a
stranger to her.I think I would ask him if he ever missed me and
why he left in the first place? After that I guess whatever would pop'inot my head depending on how the talking went. Asfor me in real life, my'
father was the bad part of my life, I no longer hate him b ut I will'always deeply resent what he did to an innocent little eight year ofl girl simply because she was his daughter and as he told me his propert. no I do not any longer at my age hate him but no love is lost there either
you do not respect the man who molested you at age8.
2 people like this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
17 Aug 10
Oh Hately I am so very sorry that you had to endure such pain at sucha young age and from your own father at that...I fully agree that no man father or not that does this to their own child or any child for that matter does not deserve any sort of respect. Fortunately for my friend she did not have to deal with anything like that from her father just being absent and he was never around so she never never anything more about him than what her mother told her and even though he left them behind and never made any contact with them for close to 30 years her mother never said anything bad about him.
She has already asked the why question and he told he didn't have an answer and I know that she has been asking him quite a few questions and he seems to be answering her fine but she is just lost because she knows there are so many more things she wants to know or should know but can't think of anything right now...
I know one thing I keep reminding her though is to watch herself and to not get to sucked in because this was the same man that left her behind and I know from reading the three of four emails back and forth between them he has not once asked her anything about herself....i find that weird!!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Aug 10
I guess the most obvious question would be why he left and has he thought about me. There would be a lot I would want to know about him; it would take a long time of ‘getting to know you’ session to learn all about each other but if all went all and a relationship was established God willing we would have years to get to know each other.
2 people like this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
5 Sep 10
Well he seems to be continuing to talk to her but I keep reminding her not to let herself get too into it because this is the same guy that had nothing to do with her for almost 30 years. She did ask him why but he just told her he had no real reason but is sorry...and then asked if he heard anything about her over the years and he said unfortunately no he didnt hear anything good or bad. I just try to remind her to use her head..Thanks for your response paula!!
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
I don't what i should ask him. Maybe, how his life was when we were away or why he left us. I guess i'll have to experience it first to know what to ask. This is very specific.
2 people like this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
18 Aug 10
I know she asked him why he decided to stay away for so long and he had no real answer just more or less said that while it is a selfish reason he had some terrible things happen in his life that left him raising 3 other children by himself and that was about it...thanks for your response frontvisions
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
19 Aug 10
I met my biological father for the first time when I was in my late 40's. I asked him all kinds of medical history questions that would be pertinent to myself and our kids. I also wanted to know where he grew up and the names of his 5 other brothers. I wanted to know about his sons who would be my half brothers. Did find out one of my brothers has MS. Our kids and grandkids are all healthy but it's still something everyone needed to know. Finally I wanted to know why I didn't hear from him over the years and found out he didn't know I was alive. In fact, he was told I didn't live long. I believe him since he's a minister and really don't think he would lie about anything. He had nothing to lose by admitting the truth and actually what happened in his early years when he was dating my biological mother. Hope this helps a little bit. I went through it and was terribly nervous the first time I met my father. Think he was more nervous than I was though.
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
6 Sep 10
Good luck to your friend. It's hard to enter into someone's life who had no interest to begin with such as my situation. My father denied the fact he was my father but my mother totally accepted the new relationship. Am getting older now and have some health issues that need to be addressed. Need to call my father and get more medical information so I can pass it along to the doctor. Just makes us adopted kids work a little harder...lol
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I am not sure if my friend will ever meet her father in person or not..they live on two different sides of the US..and I am not sure that she is ready for that. Maybe after a long time of chatting online she might but only she can tell that but I know she told me before that chatting online is all she thinks she can do. i think all the questions that asked are good questions and I know that she asked baout medical because that is always something that should be asked. Thanks for your response carol and I hope that your relationship continues with your father!!
@grayxenon (1313)
• Philippines
17 Aug 10
I would just ask him if his happy now with his current life.
1 person likes this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
19 Aug 10
This is a good question but I think after close to 30 years my friend could care less how happy he is....deep down I know she hopes he isn't that happy!! Thanks for your response gray!!
@BarBaraPrz (47611)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Aug 10
I wish my father would have talked about his life before the war... seems he was married and had two kids.
1 person likes this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Wow barbara...is this something that was kept from your family? I am not sure if I would want to know about siblings that were born before me and then kept a secret from me!! Thanks for your response barbara!!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
6 Sep 10
Hi, froggieslover. I would ask my dad many questions. I would ask him why he seems to do more for my step brothers than he does for me and my sister. I would also ask him why did he used to physically fight my mother when she was alive. I want to know why he, will ever allow his own wife to tell him not to do anything for his own kids? I also want to know why he was so hard on me when I was a teenager, although I hardly did anything wrong. I want to know why he makes promises that he can't keep with me and my sister. I also want to know why is he ashamed for certain girls to know that he is not my father. He better give me an answer, if not I will be very angry.
@dpjones1982 (1)
•
18 Aug 10
I to can relate to this my father was in the military and was all ways on diployed, out of country. I would all ways ask what he did but he would never answer me.
1 person likes this
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I am sorry dp that your questions were never answered...Being a military child os always hard, I hope that maybe someday your father can answer those questions for you!! Thanks for your resposne dp!!