Is breaking up okay over income? And at what point should income be brought up?
By ElscottHavoc
@ElscottHavoc (180)
United States
August 17, 2010 9:07pm CST
This was just something I was thinking about today. It's not something I've ever had an issue with, but I just thought it was an interesting question.
Part 1: Is breaking up with someone because they do not make a certain amount of money okay?
Part 2: At what point in a relationship should income (for those that it matters to) be brought up? I can see it being one of those "taboos" of sorts. You bring it up too early and it's potentially embarassing or may not be giving the person enough of a chance. You bring it up too late and you may have invested too much between the two of you in both time, money, and emotion.
My opinion: I actually think that it is an important part of a relationship, and finances can be one of the biggest contributing factors to relationships (even the strongest ones) going sour. People of different "classes" might be normal at times, but to a degree, people from different income backgrounds or expecting to marry into a specific income will most likely have different goals, dreams, and desires. A person who makes very little will have a difficult time supporting someone with a high maintenance lifestyle. However, there is a point that it can go overboard and that is in two scenarios.
A.) Leaving a person and giving them the feedback that they don't make enough for you. To me it would make it feel as though I was a failure, despite what my personality might be. It would probably be best to leave someone and give them the impression instead that they simply lead a different life than you have and have different goals or something.
B.) At the same time though, someone who is very charming and in essence a perfect companion is truly worth more. So giving up on someone who doesn't make enough could end up far better if they have support and encouragement to move forward in life with education or something.
Secondly, I'm not exactly sure when a good time to talk finances is. Usually, I would think given that you know someone you could have a good idea of their life style and income, but some people can be decieving. Some people make little, but spend a lot without a budget or really any savings or the use of credit cards. Others may lead rather mundane lives and spend very little but have a large amount of savings and income. I'm guessing maybe when talking about the possibility of marriage, the ideas and goals (as well as financial obligations) would probably be a good time to discuss incomes and stuff.
Your thoughts?
2 responses
@Fritzlyks69 (68)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
That's just the worst argument of all because it just doesn't attack your ability to give money but also your ego. It's really frustrating in the sense that you feel like you haven't done anything, you feel like everything you've done so far was a complete disaster and the worst part is you're gonna think that you're dragging her with you..
The only way to counter this is just to try and be happy with what you have. Take things one step at a time. set your goals right and take every opportunity and grab it.
@ElscottHavoc (180)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Thanks for the reply. I know a friend who's girlfriend broke up with him over finances, and I'm sure the argument they had probably invoked cruely comments than what she wanted to say, but she let him have it that he was worthless and poor basically, that he'd amounted to nothing and that she deserved someone who could actually buy her nice things - as in luxury items.
He was devastated, because even though she could have said she just chose to lead a different life than what they could have with each other, she instead attacked his success (or lack there of). I mean this guy was making $40,000 a year, so he wasn't necessarily rich, but he was what I would consider average for a large portion of the U.S. But like a girl who's been cheated on by a guy, that leaves a bad taste toward men for the rest of their lives, suddenly all men are cheating scumbags. And now to him all women are too high of maintenance for him.
So yeah, I do think to each their own on the reasons they want to break up with a person or stay with a person, but it's very feeble ground in terms of how you relay that message to the receiver.
