Relationship or Friends with Benefits?
By gradyslady
@gradyslady (4054)
United States
August 18, 2010 10:12pm CST
Ok so my brother's best friend dated a psycho chick, and once he broke up with her, he can't stay single for long, he decided to date this other girl. He always said to me he thought she was cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend, she didn't end the relationship, he did. Then she started hanging out with him a lot, claiming that he was her new best friend and there was nothing going on between the two of them. Then once again my brother's best friend came to me suspecting that she was cheating. He works on the road a lot and she tends to go with him, sometimes she'd stay back and he'd call constantly because he told me he thought he may be falling for her, so he always wanted to talk to her when he had free time, but there would be times when she wouldn't answer the phone because she "misplaced it" or it wasn't near her at the time or it was "dying". But everytime, she'd be with her ex aka her new best friend. In the end she did cheat on him and it crushed him, but after her weaseling her way back into his life, he took her back but now it's a "it's complicated" relationship on Facebook. Now my question is, because he has asked all of us for our opinions on this girl, do you think he should stay with her, like is this really love he's feeling, or is it more of a friends with benefits? What's your take on the two? What's the difference?
Sorry so long, I felt I needed to explain the situation the best way I could...
4 people like this
9 responses
@babyfiona08 (652)
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
The situation is quite confusing and misleading. I couldn't understand the reason why they are pretending to be just friends when it seems that they are more than that. Or rather why does your brother's best best friend deny the real score about their relationship.
I think they're not just friends. I must say that they are still together. Maybe they just want their relationship to be private. Or they just wanted to be free from comments and feedback from close friends like you and your brother.
Well, if they don't want to make their relationship public, then be it. Action speaks louder than words and like what they said, what you see is what you get. Even if they keep on insisting that they are no longer together but their actions tell they are, then let them do what they want. Besides, if they're happy with it, then go. As long as they are not hurting one's feelings, it's okay.
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
24 Aug 10
She did hurt him, she cheated on him...it's not like we're attacking their relationship for no reason at all, she lied to him more than once and slept with her ex, but my brother's friend is the type that doesn't want to be alone, so we think he's staying with her for that reason...
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
I think the girl really hadn't get over with her ex before entering the relationship with your brother's best friend. I think your brother's best friend is just digging his own grave towards heart aches again for staying into such kind of relationship. How can he find someone who will be there for him for real and one that is sincere if he's going to stick around with that girl as a "friend"? Relationship between two people should not have a third party and is not supposed to be complicated. Friends with benefits, as I understand it, is the relationship between people who are said to be friends, but acts as lovers whenever they feel the need to do so. And I don't think there's love involve in it...he better move on and stay away with the girl if he wants a peace of mind.
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
19 Aug 10
That's exactly what I was telling him. Thanks for your response, it proves I'm not the only one who feels that way.
@Tresaqwe (376)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I would much rather have a relationship than a friend with benefits. What your brother's best friend is going through just sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship. I don't think that he should have gone back with her at all, people who cheat are built to cheat. They just don't stop one day. It's like when you're blonde, you're always blonde. You can cover it up and say you're not, but your roots will always start to grow back. :]
@voldrox (7191)
• India
19 Aug 10
I can't handle such a complication myself. I don't want to have a girlfriend whom i would want to trust and not actually do it. It's a waste bothering her, i believe. I would not make friends which such girls either, i don't make friendships just for the sake of having some benefits. I would not want any such girl to fall for me either. A straight away rejection after what she did to me the first time. I am not going to entertain such people again, not even in the name of friendship. Your brothers needs to have someone else, he is tangled in the net and that would make him think and bother everytime.
@chinoxads (255)
• United States
24 Aug 10
The friends with benefits at the beginning when your are young it's a good thing because when you are not mature enough you don't care about the feelings of you and the other one, and you have the suspect that she or he is doing the same with other people, and don't think about what can happen if one you make a mistake that ends with a baby or with some diseases.
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
19 Aug 10
My brother's friend, and my brother at one time, all had "friends with benefits". Nothing serious, but everyone knew that they were doing something with each other. It wasn't that big of a deal seeing as how they all knew about protection and getting tested, but I always thought that it was ridiculous because why would you want to be with someone that you really have no true feelings for?
Anyway, I have never had a friend with benefits and I don't think that I ever want one.
Your brother, and the parties involved, all need to set their priorities straight, and figure things out because sooner or later someone could get hurt. I know that they think that they aren't hurting anyone, but they might be doing so and not even realizing it.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
i would actually agree that this realtionship does seem like the latter one. I would say, he must have been really attached to him, really thinks that he is feeling love for her. But I am also guessing that he could actually be confusing his feelings with the wants in his mind. I am sure that he just needs time to think about this and needs to be away from her abit just to make sure that he can assess his feelings well.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Having a friend with benefits can often destroy a friendship. Expectations of each other begin to change. When it comes to matters of the heart, friends should remain friends. Relationships need a lot of care and attention. Mixing friendship and romance is not always the right way to begin a relationship.