The ex- issue...

It depends upon the motive. For it to yield good results, any information you obtain must be used constructively, meaning, to make your relationship better. I can see that it is your very intention. Communicate such intention of yours to your husband in a clear and understandable manner, one which would not cause him to feel bad. My boyfriend and I are comfortable talking about those things because we are both open-minded, and the end result is always to make our relationship stronger.

Most men, if not all, wouldn't want to discuss about their ex to their present gf. May be because they don't want to be stress thinking of the past or reliving in their minds for the sake of answering our questions. Besides, for them past is past and they are done with the past. Well, that's what my husband told me. For me, as a wife, I wanted to learn from his previous relationship but then, his ex's are different from me and they were in a different scenarios then. Ours is more deeper because we are now husband and wife and we have deeper concerns.Besides, I'm not sure if my husband will tell me the truth.LOL

Yes and no. Yes if they have a pattern that they Always use. Like they only stay for 3 months and then leaves. And no because their last relationships may be totally different. It may have just ended and there was no special key thing to learn.

To dig out the past will be definitely a dilemma for anybody, whether to talk about it, how much facts can be given, merits, demerits, mistakes, misunderstandings, wrong approach etc. etc. Even a perfect gentleman or gentlewoman would never allow anybody, (present partner included), to enquire about it and comment up on it. Don't ever ever think that the guy is straightforward and will take things at ease. It may basically cause a bit of trauma to undergo with the current partner. It is, therefore, natural for anybody to become irritant and pick up a quarrel. I don't mean to say you have no right about the past relationship. It is always better to allow the partner to open the subject for himself at some point of time and discuss about it. Then he will be at ease to explain you why he deserted the relationship and married you. This will also avoid unnecessary lieing and hiding of facts. So, please do not do that mistake again.

i am guilty i asked my husband about his past. but he asked me about my past too so no harm done. :D but i what important is, is the present and the future with your partner. :)

Our curiosity about our partner's past relationship will always be there. And I guess to a certain extent, it is okay to ask. But asking too much about it might make your partner get annoyed most especially if their break up wasn't good. I tried asking about my husband's ex girlfriend, too. My curiosity just pained me coz I learned that there were things that she willingly gave while I could be doing the opposite way. The lesser you know, much better.

Well, sort of, the reason why you want to know why it ended or didn't work out is not only because you don't want to repeat the same mistakes, but also because you want to see it you are better or add up to the last person. You want to know what makes you special in his eyes. My boyfriend didn't have any girls before me, luckily, but there were girls who were interested in him, and yeah, I was curious and asked myself and then asked him, kind of sort of, "Why did he choose me over them?" Yeah, I want to know what made me so special in his eyes. Of course, you definitely want to avoid the mistakes of girlfriends past.

for me it does matter to know a part of the previous relationships specifically what went wrong. but to know how he still feel for them or who among them he had loved the most is not necessary. hubby once told me that past is past and we need not dwell on it. :-)

Well, I always asked my partner about his past relationships. Just like you, not that I am jealous but I wanted to know why. I always asked this question before I really started going out with him. No point finding out that all relationship of his ended the same way... And of course for me, I never mind sharing my past experiences

For me it doesn't matter but when it came to the time to have fighting I will said that it is what you are doing to your ex?. There's a question to that matter.

Hi! I don't think it's any of any current girl/boyfriend's business to ask about the past relationship of their current partners,especially,when the other is not open to discussing it, if the partner is the one who started to share his past then be thankful and listen if not then better not addressed the issue because first and foremost it doesnt concern the present relationship, better concentrate and work on building the relationship than bringing up the past.

I agree with you. I ask my boyfriend about his past and he's not that reluctant to spill the beans. He asked about mine too. It's a way of finding out what he likes, what he can tolerate and what he can't. It's healthy to talk about the past, that way past mistakes won't be repeated. Those who are irritable usually feel like they're being attacked, or worse, still has a "relationship" with the past. Since talking about the past will make them feel guilty, they're thinking that you're attacking them with their past

I certainly would want to know about certain relevant past ex's although I do not think a full history is necessary. I do want to know of someone I just met that perhaps may have been an ex so that I am aware who this person and how perhaps it may impact my future. I do not need all the graphic details just to know that they were involved would be enough for me.

i think like you^^ i also like to ask when i like a guy^^ i think its important to also know how important that person was for him and if he loves me more or less than what he loved her. i dont think they should be angry it just shows we care for them right? if i have some bfs and my bf asked me i would answer him. we must share who was important to us with person we love^^ nothing wrong with that^^

Hi Astreadido, I don't think it is overly important to know all the details of past relationships but I think that a person's perspective on their past relationships does offer up a key to that person's personality. And that can be helpful in knowing what to expect. Does the person hold a lot of anger and bitterness? Do they speak of their ex with respect? I usually don't talk in detail about past relationships of my own or the other person's unless it is brought up.

You had given good point in here for asking about your husband's ex relationship. yes,it can really be a good help asking the reason why they'd broke up to avoid doing the same thing in future. I also had the chance to asks my husband regarding his previous relationships. But,he is not comfortable discussing the matter,and i can feel it so i don't pursue the topic. I just come to know some reasons from his friends and relatives. And it also helps me to know what things to avoid in our relationship. Have a good day always

I also ask the same questions to my husband and like your husband, he doesnt like it. He always told me that those things are not helpful for us and yeah, he was right! He also doesnt want to know my past relationships. He thinks that things in the past dont matter.

I am asking the same questions to my boyfriend. In fact when we were still in the courting stage, I already asked him same questions. Then I asked him again the same thing after a year of being together. For me, I believe it is important to know your partner's past. Yes, past is past but there's no harm in knowing it. At least you know what to avoid (if there is) in the future. You can also get some lessons from it. It is also a way to check if your partner is hiding something from his/her past by asking him the same questions twice. Because no matter how honest your partner is, there are some people who really dislike their past and tend to hide/lie about it or simply don't want to talk about it. Openness and Honesty in every relationship is very important. You cannot build trust if both are not present.