Do you know someone thats either teaching or taught their child selfishness?

@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
August 19, 2010 12:45pm CST
For some reason my son always seems to get a childish,selfish woman. the last one was bad, but this one is teaching it to her child When they came, I plainly told her that any food in the house was fine to eat. help yourself. Thats how our family is. well, right away the little boy started saying, "will you not eat this, or that and save it for me?" well, I thought its just cause hes a kid and maybe someone has eaten up everything at his house and he went without. so, id say yes, ok. For 4 days, she didnt have food stamps so no one went shopping, we ate food already here. Again, i told her welcome to have anything. in mean time I bought extra milk and such. but maybe i was being childish when i told son that with the way food prices are today and knowing what we bought last time they visited, cause she buys the most expensive stuff, none of store brand for her, and since it was his company for 2 months, i couldnt afford to be paying halph. I'd pay 1/3 rds of the bill, even though theres 2 of them. First time shopping, they came back with so much groceries, that i couldnt figure where they'd go. So, she said she'd find a place for it all, PLUS, she'd bought seperate stuff just for the kid out of her own. ok. and she'd add that to a cabinet space we'd given her for her meds and such. now, after she'd went through my rooms when i was gone, i decided to go through her stuff when she was gone. but, let me say first, id taken the receit to my room and given my son the 1/3rd in front of her for the food. while they were all gone, i looked in the cabinet. Behind all her stuff was 3 big cans of Bumble Bee tuna, and a large pack of pretzels, Rold Gold, the expensive kind. I checked the grocery list. yes, they were all on there. the next day, she proceeded to get the pretzels down, take one, give her kid one, not even offering me one. I didnt really want one but you know its polite, especially when i payed for some of them. went out the door somewhere with him and took them with her!! well, i told son all about it, but he said, only 2 more weeks and gave me 5 bucks back. I told him its not the money (well maybe a little, since she buys expensive, 2.19 a can, 3 something for pretzels) but mainly its the principle!! I finally blew up and told her about it which she denied all. even tho I had proof. So, she went to the store, bought extra snacks and stuff and put on the counter, LABLED!! with their names..lol! How childish is that?!! now, i see why the kid never offers anyone anything and threw a fit when my son reached over once and got a cracker off his plate! He actually cried and there was more crackers to be had!!uuugghh. shes teaching this kid selfishness just like her. 11 days to go...geesh!
5 people like this
16 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Hi BON, IT'S A SHAME UR SON CAN'T SEE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS. Some men's brains are behing their zipper. I know u will be sooooooo glad when she's gone & i'll be glaad for u. That little boy will be just like her & that will be sad. I think it's ridiculous that she has comer in your home & acted the way she has. Long time ago we use to try to impress our man's parents but that is a thing of the past to.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
20 Aug 10
They sure act different than i did when i was a dil. I had 2 different mil's & loved them both & did alot for both of them. Neither one of mine know i exist.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Aug 10
girl are you right on that. it seems these days, that most to be DIL's want to have everything their way and make life tough for their MIL's. no idea why.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Aug 10
labeling the snacks... OK that one takes the cake. I can see if it's a roommate situation where you barely know the person or something and they're always taking your food, but really....
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
24 Aug 10
right. i think son is finding out just how selfish she is and teaching the kid that. 6 more days and i think she should be gone for good this time. cause ive told my son its me or here her, i never intend to live with her again even on a visit so we will see.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I wish you the strength to get through those 11 days even though it will seem they are the longest days ever before they end..I know what your dealing with because I have dealt with it many times when others move in with me. I do see mothers and others teaching kids bad habits and how to throw tantrums and be stingy..it's just when it is turned back on them that they don't like.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
21 Aug 10
That might cause her to feel resentment towards you and try to strike back at you in some way..like dropping the whole carton of eggs and them busting..or something..But I am hoping it won't be so bad as that.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Aug 10
yes and i finally won one today. i told my son if she didnt take the lable off the eggs she just bought, i was going to lable my chair and my bed that her kids sleeping on. he never paid a dime on these, plus, she helped eat up the eggs we had here when she came so, i heard her complaining about it but she did it.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Aug 10
well you see we have this egg holder in the frig. you take them out of the carton and place them in the holder. thats what she finally did once son talked to her. now, its not so hard around here. we are kind of getting along ok. so we will see. got my fingers crossed.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
25 Aug 10
This woman's attitude and behaviour are so pathetic. She can't possibly realise how obnoxious she is because if she did she wouldn't do it. She really needs a wakeup call not just for herself but she should do some soul searching and look at the consequences for her son in the way she's raising him. And I'm sorry to say my friend, your son should have set things straight way before now. I know she's practically gone but I would definitely be asking her not to adjust the settings on the washer unless she's prepared to cough up some $$$ for the extra power and water costs.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Aug 10
I for one am here for you darlin'.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
27 Aug 10
my son is always saying if i loved him and wanted him to be happy i would let him take care of these complaints. but then he seems to come up with excuses. also has said hed pay extra if the bills are extra. well they are in summer where electric is concerned and he swears up and down they were just as high last year, etc. if i argue much with him about it, he brings up childhood things i did wrong like a step father he didnt like, etc. then i accuse him of trying to get me back for mistakes i made and it all turns out bad. im just going to have to figure it out about how to keep her out of my life. i just use my friends here to help me keep it together.
1 person likes this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Sounds like she is teaching her kid to be selfish, and its sad, because there's really nothing you can do, unless the mother realizes what she's teaching her child, and tries to change things, he'll always be that way because he wasn't ever taught any different. You could try, but unless she backs you up, it won't do any good. All I can say, is try to hang in there for a few more days. I know your son probably can't say anything to her without her getting all defensive, nobody likes to hear someone telling them how they should raise their child. Good luck..
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Aug 10
well supposedly she wants him to help raise him and if thats the case, she needs to listen to reason. but in any case, im doing what i can to see this dont happen. after this i refuse to ever be in this womans presence ever again.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
19 Aug 10
I lived in a similar situation where a mother was saying with us and did not have anything to feed her kids for months so they ate whatever was in the house and of course they were welcomed to it, but then when she got some money or food stamps she would do silly things like hide her food or screw tops on bottles and jars so no one could get in them. She would also mark lines on her two liter bottles to see if anyone had taken any. It got to be down right comical after a while. I know it's hard to do, but sometimes you just have to overlook silly behavior, especially if you have a limited time to deal with them.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
i know. i was just discussing that with son. how you can be nice to someone and they kick you back for it. and how childish and silly it is to label your food in someone elses house.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Aug 10
We don't do labeling in our home. This is ringing familiar. My 16 yr old goes shopping with me and often picks out snacks. I have heard her and my grandson arguing over the snacks. She went thru a spell that she for whatever reason thought if she picked them out that they were hers alone!! oh no no no...when I buy food...it goes in the cupboard and it is for anyone. She got set straight before she even thought of labeling the stuff. If she wants to buy something with money she earns herself and store it in her room then that is fine but food I buy or food anyone buys and stores in the cupboards or refrig is for everyone. Labeling the food is childish and if that's how they want to be then they should get their own refrigerator and store all their food in their room. When you get down to it they are staying in YOUR place and using your refrigerator, cupboard space, electricity for cooking etc etc etc. And you are right...setting a very poor example for the kid!!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Oh...and if they are going to be that way then they best not be touching the food that you buy!
• United States
19 Aug 10
My cousin and his wife have been doing their best to teach their children not to be selfish, and I think that they are doing a pretty good job.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
good for them rogue. im sure its because they are generous people themselves.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Yes, I do know people like that and they are really hard to live with because pretty much their attitude is "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine." Never tried to split up the groceries like that financially. I did have a daughter and her boyfriend living here for a while and it felt like I was buying all the groceries and paying for everything. Well...I was. I work at a store and one night I came home and as I put away my stuff I noticed that there was no milk. I flipped. I went down to there room and I told him...Ya know, the least you could do is contribute a gallon of milk once in a while and at the very least give me a call when you drink the last of it. He got angry and jumped up and ran out and got a gallon of milk. That didn't change things. It was his only contribution. I'm not one to nickle and dime everything but I think all food brought into the house should be for everyone in the household and that everyone should contribute. The only time things get labled in my house is if they are for a certain event or sometimes a person's lunch for work stuff. And while they are labeling their stuff...are they using your toilet paper, shampoo, soap, hotwater, electricity etc etc? it all adds up. Are they doing laundry in your home?
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
absolutely and shes using the washer /dryer i paid halph for. plus, she keeps changing the settings to warm water and extra rinse, which i think is a waste as it runs the hot water heater more and not needed this time of year in az. and its more water. im getting angrier every day and cant seem to get my son to fix it. makes me mad at him.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Aug 10
The only thing you can do is lead by example with this child. Keep being generous and sharing and when he takes something that you offer, find a way to say it's a very good feeling to share with someone and how wealthy it makes you feel. Things taste better when shared, etc. You may not see any results soon but he will surely remember those experiences later on and it might inspire him to turn a corner in his life. I can think of several little things that people probably didn't consider twice but that affected my life years or decades later. You can't do anything with the mother but you can help the child. And quit snooping in her stuff--you know very well that 2 wrongs don't make a right!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
2 wrongs may not make a right my friend but at least i found out, i wasnt snooping in her stuff alone...some of my stuff was in it and she is still labeling everything thats hers in my house and its all i can do to keep from stooping to her level and lableing my stuff
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
21 Aug 10
Maybe it has something to do with the way she was raised.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
22 Aug 10
You can just keep on by setting a good example. Pray about ot too.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Aug 10
i do think so. it usually does. but her family was rich. not now. so i think she was spoiled and now has a rich persons taste on a welfare budget thats what happens and i keep trying to get this across to her. i know how to share and get along with less. and people needs to learn in this economy.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
20 Aug 10
Hi bunny, I feel sorry for you. Children are influenced by their mother. You have to bare this trouble. Because you can't avoid them.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
thanks, and i have it for 10 more days yet. and shes not getting any better.
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
24 Aug 10
Hi Bunnybon7!. Sorry to say this, its seem your daughters not respecting you as mom. I mean she stay at your house she should please your heart because you are her mom. I will never dare to act like thats to my mom because I owe her so many thing in my life, If I give thing to her, he deserve the best. Just try to forgive her to make your heart more lighter. Sorry and have a nice day.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
24 Aug 10
well its not my daughter, its sons girl friend and believe me if it was my daughter, there would be he...ll to pay because i didnt teach my kids that way. i dont believe in selfishness.
@BigTips (304)
• China
20 Aug 10
Can you continue your life if there are full of selfish people around you? Obviously, I can't. I can't understand why those parents tend to teach their children selfishness. Can selfishness help them gain more profits than others? Is it helpful to enjoy a better life if they become selfish? My parents always teach me how to share with others, how to tret others with a honest heart. If one keeps selfish all the time, his/her action will do harm to themselves sooner or later.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 10
it sure will make life harder for the kid. thats not the only thing tho shes doing to make his life a mess. terrible mother.
• United States
19 Aug 10
Hi Bunnybon, You are probably going to hate me for my comment, but as you know I have a very offbeat way at looking at things...Many times I have opened my home to others and many times I to resented parents who spoiled their children, but since God has taken the scales from my eyes, I now have a more worldly view about it all...All across the USA there are people who spoil their children, but also all across the USA those same parents have fallen on hard times or suffered some hardship to where they can no longer spoil the child...Side Note: Some parents were not spoiled as children, then grow up to spoil their own...some parents were spoiled as children then grew up to be strict disciplinarians..."judge Not Less Ye Be Judged", you sometimes do not see what you do wrong,(i.e.Wesley?), but are able at a later date you do see others doing wrong...
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Aug 10
oh for pete sake, Mike, did you read the whole discussion? thanks for making it seem like im doing wrong...geesh, you cant even invite your own family here. this woman is not a "down and out " person we are helping. this woman is someone trying to take over my home when you answer discussions, please understand what the whole thing is about. And...we will discuss my grown child in private. this isnt even about him. if you are going to start a war on discussions, you will get deleted from here. i know you are different but dont come to discussions to point that out. answer ones that are for your interest. andddddd answer your freakin emails, will help.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Aug 10
oh my gosh bunny this one is even worse, how can you stand it. I hate selfishness in people My parents always taught us to share and I grew 'up with that mindset. I take you live with your son? oh my I think I would figure out a way to get my own place even if it was just a small apartment, this must be so miserable to live with his current girlfriends and have to shove out money for her who has high living tastes. why is the bill not split three ways? 11 days oh my g I am so glad I am not in your shoes, as I would probably blow up and cause more problems. hope it gets better or she decides to leave, best yet.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Aug 10
im still thinking im going to have to move. although, now that i listened to him (my son) on moving here, i have no credit. its destroyed because of the move out of the place i was in. so, believe me, after shes gone, im doing everything i can to fix this one way or the other.
19 Aug 10
I feel sorry for you, it's horrible to be around selfish and self centred people. At least they'll be gone in 11 days, eh :-) ?
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Aug 10
yes and im counting off the days, the hours, and sometimes like a child myself , i feel its never gonna get here