I am not going to give advice anymore

I was just thinking about this the other day. It's so frustrating to me to have people come to me looking for answers or suggestions and then completely ignore them. What bothers me even more is when I make suggestions and they say "No, that isn't it" or "No, I don't think I need to do that" or whatever, and then someone else says the same thing and suddenly "So-and-so said... " and they do it/listen! I have one friend who does that ALL the time. He disregards everything I tell him or suggest to him, and then as soon as someone else suggests the same thing, then it is OK? Well, I guess he doesn't believe that I could know what the right thing to do is, which is insulting. You'd think that after a while he'd have a little faith that I do. If I don't have any good advice I tell people, so when I do have advice it's because either I know something, or at the least feel very strongly about it!

Don't get too hard on yourself, I'm sure that they did listen but just didn't take your advice probably because of stubbornness or that their situation clouded their judgment at the time. It happened to me, and there was even this time when my good intention, giving the advice was actually taken into action and then turned out the wrong way. Now, sometimes I choose to be neutral or quiet when asked for advice for fear of making the same mistaken outcome.

When we give advice, there is no guarantee it will be taken, but it may be added to advice from others and processed by the requestor to make their final decision. We cannot insist they follow our directions, nor should we try to. We can only tell them what we THINK we would do in the same circumstances. I discovered this after giving advice to family members for years at their requests and wondering why they never seemed to follow it. When my husband had his stroke, we were devastated and I begged advice from everyone, but ended up following my heart and head to do what I thought was best. My decisions were made from a conglomerate of ideas, not just one. Some I tossed out, others I used pieces of and others were taken literally as a base for the final decision. In the end, I discovered I moved too fast and made a lot of mistakes, but my family and I have to live with them - not neighbors, other relatives or our friends. So give your advice, but do not expect people to use it as their bible for decision-making. They have to eventually find their own path, even if it leads them into trouble.

well, i know sometimes or friends or relatives ask us for advice but doesnt follow what we said. i know it pissed us sometimes but i think they still have the last decision whatever it is whether we like it or not, it will hurt them or not, it is our duty as a friend or a family to support them. and if at the end we they will get hurt. we are there to lend our shoulders to cry on. we are a good friend when we tell them if they've done wrong and doesnt tolerate them but we are the best friend when we are there whenever they need us. happy day to all!! :D

Yeah, it's frustrating, isn't it? And then, when they are in the middle of suffering the consequences of their decisions, they still ask for advice. Then you go through the same thing again. Urgh! But you know, what I realized is that even if they ask for advice, it's their life so they will still have the final say. Just like us, when we ask for advice. Sometimes we do what we're told, sometimes we don't. So, I agree with you that we should just let them find out the hard way. But should still be supportive to them without having to bail them out from the consequences of their decisions. Tough love, you know.

Well, there are people who appreciate it, and some people just doesn't like to be told. They are just born stubborn or just is not willing to listen. That's just how it is.

You know, I give advice too when I can, and I know many people who don't listen to what I have to say, but what you have to do is not let it get to you. You can still give advice, even if you think that it is falling on deaf ears, it might not be. It's just that some people are so stubborn and ignorant, that they don't see what they have done or they don't see the truth until it bites them in the butt. Now, there are some people who will listen, and will do their best not to repeat the mistakes of the past, and they are listening even if you think that they aren't.

Brava. I must have been born as hard as nails in some things.If a friend askes me for advice , I'll give it. If they don't listen the First time I'll never give them advice ever again. They can ask but I won't give it to them. The first words out of my mouth would be " Why? You didn't listen to me the first time!"

hey just dont mind them...we cannot please everybody.we are just trying to give advice here but still it is there own decision that prevails..if there are some who dont listen i know there are some who did...so common cheer up!

I understand! I know a few "woe is me" people and when you tell them your suggestion on avenues to try. They agree and never follow thru or they just keep "woe is me" 'n like they have nothing better to do then play that line day in and day out.

hi jugsjugs I feel the same way. One lady here kept asking me for advice then when I told her what I thought she should do, she wou ld come back,"oh I cannot do that" or she would say "well I will just wait and see." so she never did take my advice. the next time I just told her I cannot give you any advice as you refuse to take it anyway. I have pretty much quit advising newcomers to read the mylot information as they do not appreciate my efforts and as their discussions always get deleted I also lost earning. No more.I dislike being labeled an old grouch or some older ones here are so judgmental. so now I just bypass those discussions and let them sink or swim as they will. andthe other day one newcomer said its the olderones who are doing all the minusing. this really angered me as I do not minus anyone., if I do not like something I just do not mark anything. I dislike this thing about older users being mean to newones as its just not true.Most all of us will help someone if they ask for help. '"

A lot of times people have to learn for themselves. They do listen, it just isn't what they want to hear. And they do have to learn the hard way much of the time. People are human and they go with their emotions and what they think makes them happy. Not always the right route.

Hiya jugs, Even if you signposted it for them they probably still would not see the point you are making or even see three People on a Donkey as we say here. Try as you might you can leave hints, tips and they will not see it if they don´t want to. I´m no soft touch anymore either I wish I was but I have changed a lot you have too otherwise they will eat you up instead.

i think you are correct it is better not to give any advise to those who are not hearing us.... there are some people they need some advise ..... they will hear that and they will change.... but some others also present ,what ever we tell they never listen.. at first am also like you but after that i realize that there is no need to advise anyone any more....

I have found myself in many situations where I had to stop giving advice. I was not listened to, even though I was asked to give my opinion. That is why, I don't offer advice to people. I don't want to waste my time trying to help someone that is not going to follow what I say to them anyway. I don't like it when someone asks me for advice and then they don't take it. They will agree with me and all. Then they will turn around and ask someone else for the same advice and then they will take heed onto what they have told them. And not what I have told them. The advice is the same advice that I have given to them too. I will no longer be used by giving out helpful information anymore.

jugsjugs, my line varies I told you! I told you so! Didn't I tell you that? What did I tell you? Lately I say What comes out of my mouth is the gospel truth. Better believe! or Haven't you realized that whatever I say comes true! They know I am right. I think they deliberately do the opposite so I could say my line.

As you said, at least you've tried. You may advise for their own goodness, but do not hope they'll take your advise since they have their own opinion and plan. Just see our self, how many times we've been ignore for advise from others since we have our own opinion.

whenever possible, we must advise and help those who ask us for help, and if we see or realize that a friend, relative or partner is wrong or goes astray, because they advise, then they are free to take the advice or not, it hurts us not to accept our suggestions, but we can stay with a good conscience and often with time on their own are finished realizing their mistakes.

Maybe the problem is how we say it.. and maybe we are just expectant because of our eagerness to help.. maybe the timing is imperative..

I feel the same way. I have friends who would come to me and ask for advice when I gave some they will just listen and says they will try. They will come back the other day with the same problem. I ask them if they do what I told them to do, they will say no because of this and that. They know the answer to their problems but they just do not want to do it. So if friend ask me for advice sometimes I just look at them and keep my mouth shut, because I know it is worthless. They do not want advice they just want you to listen to their problems.