Sad news about my husband
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40192)
Canada
August 20, 2010 12:49pm CST
yesterday, my husband who has als or Lou Gehrig's disease was out of it. We use a Plexiglas board with the alphabet on it and point to the letters because he could no longer speak. But he would just start with the first word and when I asked him what is the next word, he would just stare and not signal the letters.
Then he kept going in and out of sleep, and his breathing got very labored, so I called my nurse friend and also our sons. So they came over and we all kept vigil during the night.
This morning at 4:30 am Central daylight time, my husband died at home in his sleep. He went peacefully without a struggle.
So that is the news. Fortunately I had already purchased a plot for us and the van is already fixed up for sale. So it is a bit sad for me, but at least he did not have to suffer any more and now is with GOD, his FATHER in Heaven.
Yet I keep looking in the bedroom and feel that he might wake up any second. For those with a recent death, do you sometimes feel as I do?
18 people like this
34 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
20 Aug 10
So very sad to read you discussion, but on another note your husband is no longer suffering.
Although this is very sad indeed, please remember the wonderful times you both shared, keep the memories alive to keep his memory thriving and living in your heart. He will be watching over you for all the wonderful care and attention you gave him during this awful suffering time.
God Bless you sweetie and all your affected loved ones, dying is always very sad but the wonderful memories will last a life time.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
22 Aug 10
I think of all the trips we had when we first got married, and how we were able to pay for our house. He got to see his grandchildren, and his newest one, although I realize that the only one who would remember him would be Katie who is three now. I am glad that he no longer has to suffer and he is enjoying eternity in the presence of HIS HEAVENLY FATHER. I was not that good at helping, since I had no nursing experience, but he understand my clumsy attempts.
1 person likes this
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I am terribly sorry for your loss,but glad your husband is not suffering anymore.It has been 2 years since my mother passed with als and I still keeping thinking I can call her and want to hear her voice so much.I know what you are going through it is not easy to lose a loved one and I am here if you would like to just chat.May GOD be with you in this your time of need.I hope the day goes well for you.2 people like this
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
23 Aug 10
He sounds like a wonderful man.My mother was a registered nurse when she got als.It is hard to watch them grow weaker as days go by and their lifes being took so quickly,but at least they are not suffering any more.May your husband rest in peace my friend and I am here for you.GOD BLESS and I hope that you are doing well.1 person likes this
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
23 Aug 10
I am glad that your husband was saved before he passed as well.My mother had als for about 3 years and it was very hard for her to accept in the beginning but she to started going to church and got saved and I know she is in a better place now.I hope that you are doing well I know all this is hard on you.You will miss him for a very long time,but know that it will be easier as the days go by.I will be here for support for you as you deal with his passing and the greifing period you will go through.GOD BLESS my friend.1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
23 Aug 10
It is terrible because Peter was such an active and intelligent man and suppose your mother was bright as well. I felt bad when I saw him getting weaker and it was so fast at the end.
At least he got to see the grandchildren but he could not go to both our sons' houses to visit them. But I wish we could have gone to see them .
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
24 Aug 10
Thank you. I know he is no longer suffering and that he is in heaven walking, jumping, running, and praising God. I will miss him. I was mourning the last few weeks of his life. I wanted to help him, but could not. Then God took him and now he can talk with HIM.
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
20 Aug 10
My deaths are not even recent, but sometimes I feel that the people I miss are just a phone call away, or that I should go into the next room to tell them something. Usually the end for someone with gradually slowing breathing is pretty peaceful I sat and held my husband's hand. Yes, you will have many "things" to do, but you will miss him and still probably try to find yourself keeping the schedule that you had. Let us know how you are doing and you know some of your MyLot friends are here 24/7 2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I am so sorry for your lose my friend. I have read many of your discussions but didn't quite know what to say.
You are a very strong woman and I know this is not easy in anyway. But I hope your faith and your knowing he is no longer suffering will comfort you through this.
I got the call 5 years ago about my dad's passing and when I got there and he was there in his chair,I felt the same as you,that he would wake up any minute.
I send my prayers to you and may God help you through this.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
21 Aug 10
It was a little sad,but at least he is at peace and is no longer suffering. It will take some used to being alone as it were after being with a husband for a little over 38 years. Right now I am a little numb,but it will probably hit me in a few more days. My sons are helping me. One of them is an accountant and the other a computer geek. So I wanted them to take of much of the arrangements so that I could have a little break.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
21 Aug 10
AM so sorry for your lose but now he is out of pain and in a better plae.
Even after almost 6 years I think that he could still walk through that door that he had just been off working in a different town like he had before.
ANd I also think he is my grand daughters gaudian angel and that he is close by watching over us all .
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
28 Aug 10
that was a very nice dream and i would take it that he is looking like that nad happy and out of pain.
I havent moved any of my hubbys things His drawer in the chest is still his and his side of teh closet is still his.
I wear his socks and muscle shirts. as I have no boobs any more they fit fine lololol
In the winter I wear his bathrobe to keep me warm.
He wore overalls at the last and they are hanging whee he left them and the shirt he wore the most is hanging up with on of my dads hats on the nail too sometimes looks like he is standing there watching ovre me at night.
bedroom to small to move things a round for I have a queen size bed vanity and chest drawer and now another chest that was my moms so things are some Different also grand daughter sleeps with me sometimes.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
3 Sep 10
I got rid of the clothes. I am giving them to those of the church who do not make much, but keeping all the watches, watch fobs, etc. as they are quite valuable.
I cannot wear any of his clothes as he was skinny, me sort of large. You know like that nursery rhyme?
The non clothes items I am keeping and also keeping the ramp just in case we have a meeting and there is someone in a wheelchair who wants to attend.
I know how I felt that when we could not go everywhere or go visit places, or I could go and he could not.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
27 Aug 10
I had a dream shortly after he passed and saw him as young as he was when we first met. And he was not wearing that awful brown suit he wore that did not suit him. I decided to arrange the furniture in the bedroom so I would not wake up and think he is there. That makes it easier, but there are still his socks and underwear in the drawer and although I moved his other clothes into the spare bedroom they still remind me of him.
A friend of mine suggested I could wear his shirts and pants, but I also fell on the floor with laughter. I am rather curvy on the top and on my hips and they would split. I will see if any one I know can wear them.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Aug 10
My deepest sympathies to you and your family suspenseful. You have a new beginning now and I hope your path is easy although for a while you will be sad and lonely. May God have mercy on your husband's soul and may he rest in peace. I hop that you also find peace.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
He is in heaven enjoying eternity with God. I do not know what heaven is like, but it is much more beautiful then has been written. Words cannot subscribe it and there is no time there, so when I join him those thirty or more years later it would be like we never were apart.
I am still a bit sad when I go to bed and find he is not besides me or I do not have to go from the guest room to the bedroom during those last days when we had to have an attendant who had to stay awake all the time.
I have my friends and my sons are coming over more, so I am not lonely.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
24 Aug 10
It really hurts now that there are more people with als. I know not much can be done, and I sure am glad they do not do the blame game that they do with heart conditions and strokes. I am sure that your aunt is at peace now. Peter had als for two and a half years, and his sister Mary had it for over eight years. How long did your aunt have it?
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
I am so sorry for your loss my friend. I have read other discussions you have posted and even though you knew it was coming I don't think anything can really prepare you for it or make it any easier. We are here for you 24/7 if you need us for anything. Your in my heart, and my thoughts dear friend. Luv, PurpleTeddyBear xx
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
11 Sep 10
It sure is. It is the aftermath that hurts. I was in my bedroom last night, being a bit blue because of all the financial transactions, bills, etc. and I hate dealing with finances and income stuff and insurance forms and stuff. I almost said "well I will see what Peter wants," and then I realized, he is no longer here but in heaven.
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
2 Sep 10
That's good that all of the financial matters are being sorted out for you. I am so very sorry for your loss hun! That would have been a big shock if you were expecting him to possibly live for another ten to twelve years with his ALS. If you need any of us (your mylot friends) we are here for you anytime!
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
6 Sep 10
I guess it's good that he's not suffering anymore, but still is a sad situation.
1 person likes this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
26 Aug 10
Hi suspenseful,
I PMed you my condolences sometime over the weekend, but am unsure you got it, so I'm re-writing it.
Like the others, I'm very sorry about your loss. It was inevitable, though, given his condition. However, you're right about him having gone to a better place. I hope you're doing well, despite the circumstances. I hope you'll remember there is One who sticks closer than a brother whenever you start feeling lonely. God be with you.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
27 Aug 10
Thank you. I have not checked to see if you had already written, but I do not mind because sometimes I do the same thing. I am a little lonely especially at nights. I will have to get used to living on my own. I have been quite busy getting his clothes into the spare bedroom and the closet. I do not intend to give them all away yet, but just a bit at a time so it does not hurt as much.
i was thinking of taking in a boarder, but my friends tell me that it will be a bit more trouble. So I am going to concentrate more on my writing and get back to my novel. Now if I only knew how to use that laptop a little better.
@1corner (744)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
You can have friends and your sons come over for a visit more often if you wish and they're free. I agree, becoming a landlord will make things a little complicated, especially so soon after your husband's passing. If you desperately need the money, I'd understand. Otherwise, your writing should keep your mind occupied quite a bit.
The laptop works just like a desktop pretty much. One button turns on both the hard drive and screen. Just have one of your sons set it up for you if it isn't yet, i.e. cables, if not wireless. Hope that helps.
1 person likes this
@billzehua (573)
• China
22 Aug 10
Oh,my god,suspenseful, it's so huge and I feel so sorry to hear that!!!
Though I m experiencing that but my loss of two years' relation in a second may help me to relate to you a bit.Now I can imagine you can even smell your husband's exsitance even when you are breathing.It must be very hard for you to accept that the waiting for his wake-up would never come to end! Now I can only pray the words here will bring you a dose of consolence to you, and I hope mylot can be a place for sheltering, and I'll be here! I'm Bill
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
I keep looking into our bedroom and seeing him there. I have put most of his clothes into the guest room so that I would not sad looking at them, but I am already using his laptop. (Not for mylot yet as i have to get used to the laptop; keyboard and he preferred black keyboards instead of white - and the commas, periods, and slanty keys as hard to see.(
My friend and I dropped off the unopened boxes of food formula and the Iv stand back at the hospital but I still have the trays that were modified, his computer desk, and the desk he made.
It is not the smell, it is just a guy smell. And he never used strong perfumes.
@billzehua (573)
• China
2 Sep 10
When you miss someone so much, you can even smell his/her existance when you breath,the memory is so heavy that you can vision your days together there. It's not about the perfumes, it's what we feel and wish.
1 person likes this
@Kumar1232009 (1215)
• Spain
20 Aug 10
hi, i am also saddened by your loss, you have my sincere condolences.
may the comfort of God help you during this difficult time.
may the comfort of God help you during this difficult time.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
22 Aug 10
Thank you. I am glad that my husband has gone to a better place where he can now have the use of his limbs and is now able to talk, and run, and can now breathe without worrying if it would be his last. I am a little sad and it will be lonely for a time, but at least he no longer suffers.
1 person likes this
@misalax (307)
• Ireland
13 Sep 10
I'm sorry for what happened, but he is now with god.
On cases like these I would often feel weird, thinking it's a dream and it didn't happen. I will get to the point where I would fully accept it though and just think that that person is already peacefully above.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
14 Sep 10
I know it is a dream, but sometimes my dreams are so real I get the idea it is "as if my life had taken a different turn," etc. or it is wistful thinking. i do miss him, especially at night since he is no longer there. And when I have to go places, I have to get used to not having to be home at a certain time.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
25 Aug 10
I am so sorry for your loss. I am just reading this, as I am just getting caught up after being gone for a week. I am so glad he went peacefully, although it is never easy for the ones left behind. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
2 Sep 10
Thank you. It is all the financial stuff, finding someone who wants his old pants and shirts, sorting out the papers, selling the van, and that dammed insurance claims, removing his name from the bills and credit cards. And he was the type who wanted to pay companies with automatic withdrawals and I am putting everything in my own bank.
That is a hassle. I heard it takes a year to get things straightened out and we just had a simple will, so much to me, and so much to our sons.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
22 Aug 10
Hi suspenseful, I am very sorry for your loss but at least you know that he isn't suffering anymore. It is very difficult to watch our loved ones suffer. It will certainly take some time to get use to being alone but I'm sure your faith will sustain you.Take care my friend. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
I am glad that I do not have to worry anymore if the morphine went into his stomach. I had to give it a few times when my nurse friend had to go home or she had to go somewhere. And the attendants that watched my husband while he slept (they were not allowed to go to sleep during the night watch) were not qualified. Why I was not that qualified since when I worked at the hospital between jobs, it was mainly cleaning bedpans, changing beds,and dusting the beds.
I am getting along well now, although I will have to watch my budget for a while since I did put most of my money to pay for the plots.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
21 Aug 10
I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I know that he has suffered for a long time and he is now at peace. But I know how hard it is for you to lose him and how hard it will be for you for a while. I will keep you in my prayers and pray for your strength. Again I am so very, very sorry for your loss.
1 person likes this
@nenaandtrey (223)
• United States
24 Aug 10
sorry to hear about your loss!
His in a better place now God will take care of the rest!
He will be watching over you and your family.
Prayers are sent your way!
I fill the longer you hold onto stuff that belongs to a family member that is deceased the harder it is to get rid of it. I fill you are doing the right thing by selling your van.
1 person likes this
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
22 Aug 10
Hello suspenseful
This is really sad, but equally true that one day we have to go back to the creator after completing our role on this earth, i pray the Almighty to keep his soul in peace, i am sure your sons will be with you to share the financial burden, more over time is the greatest healer lol
Thanks for sharing.
Welcome always. 
Cheers. 
Professor
Cheers.
Professor
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
I have finished paying off the plot. Of course, that did not leave me much for this month except for the utilities, food, and cable, but I do not like to pay interest charges. Especially now with Peter gone, and I do not want them to lower the credit limit. We are selling our van and that will pay for the rest plus there will be a bit left over.
My husband is in heaven enjoying eternity with God. He has no pain now and I do not know what he looks like, but probably when he was young, no gray hair, no receding hairline.
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
21 Aug 10
I'm so sorry for your loss suspenseful. May your late husband rest in peace. It's always painful to lose whether it's recent or otherwise. But we can learn to live with it and move on. Moving on doesn't mean that we have to forget our loss but it's managing our loss better as I have. I hope you do. Take care!
1 person likes this
