How would you react to a friend trying to sabotage your relationship?
By ckkeith
@ckkeith (2)
United States
August 21, 2010 10:08am CST
I've recently learned that a friend I've had for almost 20 years has been trying to sabotage my current relationship. She and I have always been close since the day we meet in Junior High. We've always had the same tastes in boys, music, clothes, everything. She was my long-lost sister that I never had. I've always been the follower during our school years and as we grew older I become my own person and found my place in the world. Which didn't necessarily mean right next to her. However, we have remained close and now I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal with the current situation. She set me up with a man from her work about a year ago. In the beginning she told me how perfect he was for me, how she just knows he is the one for me. I had reservations at first, picked out every flaw I could see, and told her I didn't want to date him. She convinced me I should at least give it one date. So, I did. She was right. He was perfect for me, we had so much in common, yet that perfect balance of opposing views to keep things interesting. Then, about a month ago, we had a get-together at her place. The guys wanted to watch something sports related on the TV in the background while the ladies conversated. She wasn't going to have it. My man and her man decided they would watch it anyways, despite her protest. Ever since then, she has been telling me that my guy is not for me. She's pointing out all those flaws I first saw, trying to tell me that all the little things that I've complained about over the last year are too much for our relationship to work. You know how friends get together and just vent, well now she's using that against me and telling my man all these things that she is blowing out of portion, when maybe I had a bad day.
My man is great, he's one of a kind. He's come to me and told me all the things she's saying to him. They are basically the same things she is telling me about him. I don't know why she doesn't think that we would talk about all of this together, but I almost wonder if she's not trying to get us to quit being friends. Maybe she's not sabotaging my relationship with my man, but with her?
So, now here I am, trying to figure out if I should dump a friend after 20 years. There have been other spats between she and I. Ones about not going to every function of hers, or me not spending time with her as much anymore, etc. But those things don't really bother me because she has a few different circle of friends that she hangs out with everyday, so it's not like she missing out on anything in her personal life.
What do you think I should do?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
22 Aug 10
A relationship should be between you and the person you are involved with. Relationships need nurturing, love, and commitment. they don't the interference of snyone else. if a friend is trying to ruin your relationship in any waay, they are not truly your friend. There would have to be some reason such as jealousy that would make a friend do this to you. You have to decide what is more important to you,. do you value your relationship with the one you love or the friendship of the person throwing obstacles in your way.
@goldfngz (99)
• United States
22 Aug 10
Ask yourself these questions:
What's more important, your relationship with him or her?
Which relationship is more beneficial to you in the long run?
If this is truly your friend, she should understand that you have a relationship with this man, and people always tend to spend more time with their significant other. 20 years is irrelevant if she is trying to harm your relationship, and the relationship makes you happy.
I think because you guys were so close you shouldn't completely cut her off, but you should confront her and ask her point blank what she is trying to do. Tell her that it's not fair that she expects you to be around her the same when you have a new companion in your life. If she doesn't respect or understand that, you will have no choice but to cut her off. She is not being a friend to you by acting like this, and there is no room for people like this in your life.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 Aug 10
Plain and simple my friend the friend has to go.
As if the friend were a true friend she would not go out of her way to make sure your relationships get ruined. Instead perhaps give you actual facts and if you still loved your mate she would just be there for you in the end.
We develop bonds with our friends and one unspoken rule that must come with that responsibility is unconditional friendship.
I see you are new so Welcome - Welcome to myLot.
@Shinobu (44)
• Singapore
22 Aug 10
I think you should talk to her. Since she's been your friend for 20 years, she must have a good reason why she's doing that to you and I also believe that friends wouldn't just woke up and decide to ruin one's friend relationship. But in case her reason is not valid, give her some time off. Of course, 20 years of friendship is not something you just dump off. Let her think, maybe she's the one who needs help with her man..:)