What's worse?

This is indeed a very sad marriage. It is clear that the wife has no feelings for her husband because if she really love him she wouldn't waste his money like that. She is very lucky because her husband is very kind,loving and understanding. Hope she will realized that earlier. Because sometimes we only realized the value or importance of a person when they are gone. One day husband will realized it and he will leave her. This wife will be worth nothing. Too sad.

Hello vjenkins86, It sounds like your friend's father does not want to be alone. If he has endured the marriage for 25 years, then what can outsiders say. However, If he is fed up, and for the sake of his peace of mind, he should just file for a divorce. I am amazed at how he allowed his wife to spend, and he doesn't know, and worse, doesn't have anything!! Perhaps counseling could help.

i have a simular story, except love isn't the issue. At least i don't think it is. My inlaws are sort of the same way. They been married for 25+ years. My mother in law works 3 different jobs and collects unemployment for 2 she just got laid off for. For as long as i have known them ( 11 years) she has worked 3+ jobs at a time. My father in law has worked here and there for "friends" a week or so at a time. as long as i have known then he has'nt had a real job and never worked longer then a month. The days her paychecks come in he drives her to the bank, she cashes them takes out enough for rent, and utilities then "HAS" to hand the rest over to him. He doesn't go out and buy nice things instead the money is used towards his cigerettes or his special drinks and food that only he likes. Or to cover his personal bills/ debts etc. i was there the other day and it was around 8pm he took her unemployment card ( they pay on a visa debit card now) and called to see if it were there yet. When it was't he was upset that he couldnt go get food, when she just spent hours preparing and making a big dinner. The car is hers, she saved up money to buy it, but yet has to bike back and fourth or walk or pay people for rides so that he wont be stranded at home all day long everyday. I can see that they love eachother but it breaks my heart to see her this way, she never complains or mentions anything. Its just routine for her now. Her bills are overdue, she never has anything new clothes etc. And her other son is the same way, except he steals it from her. My husband and i ourselves are struggling but we try whatever we can do to help her. We have given her money with the understanding she opens a savings account in HER name and that she cannot tell the other two about it. It was good for a while but from one of them snooping in her purse found out about it and now she once again has nothing. My husband has tried talking to his parents about the situation but then he gets hell because i stay at home with the kids while he works, i run the checkbook, and do all the shopping. BUT i ALWAYS put MY KIDS first, then MY HUSBAND the argumenents that go on in my house is my husband getting mad at ME because I NEVER have anything new for MYSELF or because i spend too much on HIM. my father in law doesnt agree it should work that way, he thinks my husband should work and pay half the bills and i get a job to pay the other half. My husband and i already talked this over about me getting a job numerous times 1. he doesnt want me to work unless i want to 2. only jobs i could get around here would only be enough to pay for childcare, so there would be no point. I cant stand to see my mother in law treated like this, but there is nothing i can do, just sit by and be there when she finally needs to vent!

i was in a loveless abussive marriage,not for long though,i had a one night stand,but i would never advice anyone to do the same,it's cheating,and cheating is wrong,if you are not happy then leave your husband/wife,it is easier than people think,i spent 2 weeks in a refuge after i left him and it was still easier than being with him

I am not going to let myself be like that. That is not a marriage. How can your friend's father live in this situation for so long? He loves his wife, but I don't think that is the right way. Marriage is about sharing, living together to build a family. I don't know how he feel, but being this is not showing a good example for their children. He should really have a talk with his wife.

Your friend's father should have sat down and explained to his wife about the family and how they should be together. Because a family's about love,compromise,compassion for one another. She should know that she can't just sit around and boss around the house. Since she is so dependent on her husband you should try and see what she would do without her husband even for a day. If things don't work out your friend will know what's good for the family and it may result in a divorce. That seems like a little harsh but hey all's fair in love and war. No offense. I hope your friend realizes this before its too late.

If I were in that position. (I'd be the man in this answer) I would leave that woman. I do not deserve such wife. I am a human being too. And she's not the only person in the house that deserves some pampering. That is so not fair. I work hard for the whole family. And my kids deserves more than what she deserves. Why go on with a marriage where one is not being human.