a point of view

Hi savypat, It's never easy when that sort of thing happens but I think it's good that you and your husband have been able to stay out of it. Being able to see both sides and knowing that there's no right or wrong does give you an advantage. Perhaps you can remember a time when one paid the other a compliment, if so this might be a good time to mention it casually. Anything at all that might break the ice. I'm afraid that I don't have much advice except to always expect things to get better. Maybe you can envision them them talking and having a good laugh together. It may sound crazy but expecting and envisioning the best possible outcome does work. Blessings.

I know just how you feel. My three elder daughters (all in their 30's) tend to have a rather turbulent history. As teenagers their fights were shocking the they seemed to improve, but about 6 years go two of them fell out BIG STYLE with the third and it was very difficult. After about 4 years they started speaking again, but it is rather like walking on egg shells, my hubby and I try to stay out of it but it is very difficult. I hope that things get back to normal soon.

I got into it with my older sister a while back and we didn't speak for a year. She is the older of us and feels like she can try to control every situation. The rest of the family sometimes relies on me to approach her about things....like when everyone wanted to start drawing names at Christmas instead of buying for everyone (like 35 people)..so when I told her the rest of us wanted to draw names she blew...and came back on me. After I year I was the one who approached her about making up...she now is a different person towards me. So maybe if you can find the one who is the least bullheaded.....and approach them about taking the first step who knows...they might make up.

Oh Savypat, This is a difficult one and I am glad that you and hubby have stayed out of it. Families fighting is a tough one. I really can't suggest anything. Recently though my elder brother had to ring my younger (half) one even though they haven't spoken for years because my step-mother had had an accident and my younger brother was the on at the hospital with the latest so good came out of the bad situation. What do they both realy like that could bring them together or is one less stubborn and wiling to make a call to request information about something and ignore the fact that they have rowed. Good luck with it. Luckily my dauhters get on really well. Huggles. Ellie :D

Pat- Though you and your hubby feel there is no right or wrong, and that the "cause" of the fight is not the issue it may very well be the issue for all those involved. It's a bit like trying to say puppy love isn't real-it's real for the puppies. That said, the only thing I know that truly works in any situation such as this is open and honest communication, but from the sounds of it you may need an non-partisan moderator. If both women attend the same church or are of at least the same religion I would suggest their spiritual leader. That would be my first step because that way it is not quite as intrusive as if you said "Here's a shrink go duke it out". Though, if this has gone beyond rational thoughtful women, you may just need to suggest that so that a professional who knows how to diffuse such issues can work with them. My guess is that both women feel that their personal rights or such have been violated. They probably feel that no one is listening to them (and of course we can see they are not listening to each other). The thing is with such disputes it is easy to lose sight of the actual cause for the dispute. People start to bring up the past incidents, etc and soon it becomes an all out war in the family. It is also easy for outsiders to say "get over it" and not validate the person's emotions or thoughts. We all have a right to feel angry, to be sad, hurt, or the like. If we our feelings are not validated we tend to become bitter, and even more angry then perhaps we were initially. It may be that this is what has happened with these two women, that they were not validating each other's feelings over a situation. Again, the best forumla for success is open and honest communication. That means everyone involved needs to listen and allow others to share exactly what they feel. There can be no interuptions as people share. No one going "but I never said that" during the middle of another's explanation. The only way to get everything out on the table is for everyone to be allowed to do so. That is why I feel a non-partisan party is best because they can take notes and get to the root of the issue and hopefully help these two women work through it and past it. Namaste-Anora

This is a very difficult situation. If you are not taking any side, then maybe you can be the moderator for both of them. Have a talk just the three of you. Talk about the case and point out each sister's faults in handling the case and make the other sister understand why this sister acted so. Then you can do the same with the other sister. I hope by detailing what prompted each sister in taking her actions, will make them understand each other better, thus soften their anger towards each other. Then you can told them what your point of view is on the case and let them decide for themselves.

comprimise is the name of the game and it seems like they dont want to. i have a sister in law like that (hubbys sister) she wont listen to anything you say at all.

I think siblings getting into domestic battlefield is fairly common as it does happen in my family too. Mom will not take sides but as a mother she can only pray to ask for peace in the family. After the heated arguments among the siblings it will create some kind of cold war that would last for months. This is of course very unhealthy for a family unity. If bother sides are stubborn and refuses to give in then there is nothing you can do as they are both adults and know what they are doing.

when people are grown up it takes some to forget about a fight.. no one like to apologize.. i think mainly because of the pride.. so there is no point of teaching them what is right and wrong because they already know what is right and wrong.. only thing some one can do is wait.. coz we all know time will heal everything. but if you want to make it faster organize family events and invite both of them.. they will naturally start talking after some meetings becase they are siblings.. but if the things get first i mean if they start fighting again becareful and think twice before organizing another one..

I think you are doing the right thing by staying out of it.

I think time and communication are important things to consider here. I guess it's not good to make them talk about the misunderstanding for now. Let them find time to reflect or think about the whole situation. Then by the time that both of them have had enough time, let them talk and meet halfway.

First of all, I think that it is important for both of your daughters to understant that all people are entitled to their own differing opinions and that is an important part of what makes them human. Then, they need to learn that in order to have a positive relationship with each other they should be able to set their differences aside. Additionally, they have to understand that there are always going to be things that they disagree about but if they make the effort to really get to know each other they will find that there are things that they also agree about.

you better away from it ..well that's a good choice ..