Friendship means to support, not destruct!
By yiyun_h
@yiyun_h (183)
United States
August 26, 2010 6:52pm CST
By my understanding, friends come together to share things in common, and with such sharing they are supposed to feel better, stronger and happier. I believe being supportive is the first rule of friendship. However, I have found that some certain type of people are just good at doing the reverse kind: the more you close to them, the more destructive they are to you.
Couple of simply examples: once I chatted with one of my "closest friends" about singing karaoke, I mentioned I was quite good at it, her reaction was: "really? eh eh..."
"What do you mean by 'eh..eh'?"
"I am not sure.." She said, as if I was lying. And as matter of fact, she never went to karaoke with me, but she chose not to believe my words. (I hope my example made you laugh. I laughed. but I really think it's a good example)
Another time I was talking to another one of my "closest friends" about how I was attracted to someone who was much younger than me and I believed vise versa. She simply didn't believe my "fairy tale" and commented: "how could that be possible?" Well, I didn't know how to react at the time. Later I thought, well, she was thousand miles away, she didn't know the situation except my one side story, of course she had reason to doubt, BUT, she was friend with me for over 20 years, what made her disbelieve me? If we switch positions, I would certainly feel good for her and support her, and feel happy for her.
Well, I believe it is ok this kind of reactions happen a few times, but if it continues, it would lead friendship to somewhere unpleasant.
Both of these my "closest friends" acted negatively during my hardship in recent years. They seemed to blame myself for what happened. Not only I didn't receive any emotional support I deserve from them, instead, I was dreadfully discouraged after each conversations or email exchanges (not many of them though).
Well, time for new friendship!
1 person likes this
3 responses
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Hi yiyun_h
I am sorry to hear how your closest friends have let you down. Sometimes, our friends can hurt us the most, sometimes it is deliberate and sometimes they have not a clue as to how their remarks or lack of support can "cut like a knife." When we consider someone to be a close friend, we expect them to be kind and supportive, not rude and nonsupportive.
Your friends probably don't mean to hurt you. Maybe they are just quick to speak before thinking about what they say and what consequences will come out of their actions, whichi are your hurt feelings.
Once or twice, these actions can be acceptable, but if this is a continuous practice of their, then you are right, it maybe time for some new friends.
@yiyun_h (183)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Thanks Angelgirl16.
You are right, sometime friends didn't mean to hurt us. Some of them just have sort of passive personality and didn't know how to support their friends when they need it. Some of them are forgivable and some are not. It's all depend on situations.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Friendship should always be about being there for each other. It shouldn't matter where you are or what you are doing. A friend should be a friend. When the friendship turns to destruction, it really isn't a friendship anymore. Friends should not destroy each other. Friends are the people we come to trust and lean on.