Do you try to change family and friends or except them as they are?
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
August 29, 2010 8:15pm CST
Often we feel let down and even deceived when our loved ones make unexpected choices, behave in ways that we would not, or pursue goals we deem unimportant. This tendency to see and believe only what we want can sometimes cause us to lash out at people, since we feel hurt by their apparent betrayal. It is necessary for us to understand that the people we care about are individuals who have their own needs and desires. When we remember this we allow ourselves the pleasure of watching our friends and family evolve and change naturally instead of feeling bitter because it wasn't what we wanted.
3 people like this
15 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Oh how I have tried in my life to see all the good in all people. I am one of those that truly wants to see the good in all family and friends, so basically I can give avid advice and when they let me down, well basically all I can do is still like them not love who they are.
When mistakes and wrong doings are intentionally repeated well I do find that I can listen but I really will not have to say in terms of what they want to hear. I feel is it then that the respect is lost.
I see this being a sense of enabling if I was to completely shrug off each and every bad event. But see after being beaten so often my brain takes a toll.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
Hi hardworkinggurl, I see you've been "lashing out" and that's why you've been broken up so often. Time to cool it I think and let everyone be themselves. It has to be terrible having all that knowledge, but oh your poor brain!lol. Thanks for adding a bit of humor here. Blessings.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
31 Aug 10
Not completely lashing out directly pursay. I will listen and already have a sense where they want to go with it and because the brain is overloaded with personal issues I really can't waste any precious cells on theirs, especially when they continue to repeat.
So I know when to quite and very easy just to walk away! 
@tahuonggiang (47)
• Vietnam
9 Sep 10
I often accept that truth but anybody heart my lover who parents, my child. I never accept.
1 person likes this
@rosielleanne (121)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
I accept my friends and family for who they really are. But I also know when to tell them that this attitude of yours is not nice so it's best you change it. It's just like an advice. I will not force someone to change if I think they will be ok without changing. If I know that a friend can handle his/her life without changing, I will support him/her. If I know that he/she really needs to change, I make sure that I tell them all the pros and cons of it.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
Hi rosielleanne, I'm not sure that we ever know what's best for other people, in fact many don't even know what's best for themselves. I offer advice only if it's asked for, and even than I make sure it's only advice and they must make the final decision. Thanks for yor response. Blessings.
@tahuonggiang (47)
• Vietnam
30 Aug 10
Sometime I try to change my lover who family, friends but they 're not usually my idea because they 're themselve. And I love them so much forever.
1 person likes this
@gdhum8o6 (6)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Everyone changes in time. As time goes by people change they live and learn even if we dont want them to change or when we want them to change, it takes time. No matter how many times they make you hurt if you were a friend youll still be beside them no matter what.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
Hi gabs, Loving your family and friends as they are is the key to happy relationships. So many lives have been ruined by the interference of others. I never give my grown kids advice unless they ask for it, than I offer my opinion. The same goes for friends and other family members. They decide as to whether or not to follow my suggestions. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
30 Aug 10
I accept my friends and family for what they are coz I expect the same from them regarding myself. a feeling of hurt or rejection is always there when things don’t go as we want them to or when the support that we take from granted, does not come forth. However, I too cannot do my duty all the time… I have my own constraints and I expect people to understand that. Its only the very very close (immediate family OR if I shorten it further, only my spouse) whom I can really take for granted, or on whom I can show my sense of hurt when the reality falls far short of expectation.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
I do not want people to change me, i would really appreciate them if they would accept me as I am. If they cannot accept or live with what they see in me, they are free to get out of my life - no force required. So, If I see that there are things i do not like about this person... a friend or a family.. i will have to accept that, i will have to sort out dealing with this person and accept that i cannot change him/her as much as she/he cannot change me as well.
1 person likes this
@Graceekwenx (3160)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
i would accept the people around me as they are. They dont want me to change either, so why do i have to demand it of them?
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
30 Aug 10
I except people for who they are. this is especially true of my family and friends. No matter how much we would like to, we can not change people. they have to want to change for themselves and not because you tried to force the change on them. Trying to change somoneone into something you want will only end up destroying what started as a beautiful relationship.1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
Hi sender, You are so right, we are all unique individuals and must find our own path. I have known people whose lives have been ruined by the interference of others. We can offer advice if it's asked for but it should only be that, advice, something we expect them to consider, not necessarily act upon. Thanks for contributing. Blessings.
@catalyser (531)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 10
I just accept them as who they are because they accepted me as who I am without trying (or gave up, hahaha) to change me. So I think its only fair to do the same.
@jhyan007 (467)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
...i agree, everyone has their own right to make their own decision, be it for good or bad..instead of feeling disappointed of the choices they made which is not the one we wanted, it would be best to be happy and understand them...support them with all we can to show them how much they mean to us..
1 person likes this
@tpfornillos (9)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
I tried changing my friend once but i just failed. Based on my experience, you really can't change a person. It's something they are used to doing and they feel comfortable with what they do.
@bluemoonpavilion (4658)
• Singapore
30 Aug 10
Hi Pose,
In theory, it is easy to say that we can accept people as they are. However in reality, we will always have expectations of people. The closer they are to us, the higher the expectation. This is because we wish that they will be successful in life. Having expectations is good because sometimes it spurs us to move forward but it could also lead to conflicts, so it will be good to communicate with them, understand their strengths and weaknesses so as to manage the expectations well.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
Hi bluemoonpavilion, True, many of us do have expectations and it's important to steer our children right when they are growing us. Now by right I mean such things as honesty, compassion, respect for others, and getting an education. When there's more than one child, we must never compare them, just encourage each to do their best. As they are growing up we may see that they have special abilities and things that they enjoy doing and these should be encouraged. We should want our child to be happy as well as successful and therefore as adults we must let them choose. Someone who wanted to be an artist would be miserable as a businessman, no matter how successful. We are all unique individuals and came here with special talents, no matter what the rest of us think. Blessings.
