Do you believe in this 'unwritten rule' regarding friendships?
By dierdre
@dierdre (2207)
Philippines
August 31, 2010 11:47pm CST
Whenever i watch tv, like desperate housewives and some reality shows, i've always wondered why people make a big fuss when their friends hook up with their ex bf or husband without their knowledge. The bottomline is they are not together anymore, right? Why are they so mad about it? Until 1 day, the same thing happened to me. The guy wasnt really an ex, but a major crush. My friend, the 1 that i used to confide in a lot regarding how much i liked that guy hooked up with him, and she never mentioned it to me at all, she even lied to me that they dont have any contact, when in fact they are in a relationship. Im not friends at all with the guy, so i cant ask him. When i found out about it, i felt like i've been stabbed in the back. I felt betrayed, since i have very strong feelings for that guy. So i just stopped texting my friend, i never confronted her about it. So from that day on, i now understand why people are so against the idea of their friends dating their ex or the person that they like. Its sort of an 'unwritten rule' in friendships, right? Now my question to you would be, are you also against the idea of your friend dating your crush, ex bf/gf, or ex husband or wife? Obviously its up to them if they even like our friend or not, but if you were to be asked, are you cool with the idea? Coz most of the time, friendships are ruined once they start to like someone you like, or have liked before.
4 responses
@T_Diamond (965)
• New Zealand
1 Sep 10
I'm not sure how'd I'd feel towards my friend, if he went out with ex. Yes, I'd feel a little "betrayed" but we'll still be friends nontheless. 
@T_Diamond (965)
• New Zealand
1 Sep 10
Just to add on this, I think girls tend to take this more seriously than us guys. In general, men can get over an event of any sort, relatively quicker than women.@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
Well yeah, girls tend to be more emotional when it comes to stuff like that as compared to guys. Although it depends if you experienced the situation first hand, since the guys that i know of even punched their friend for 'betraying' them, since they never mentioned it to them. But its nice that you dont mind if your friend dates your ex.
@T_Diamond (965)
• New Zealand
1 Sep 10
Well, I hope I don't lol. I've never experienced this myself. How I say I will react now, could differ from experience.
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
1 Sep 10
Especially if my friend knew about that person being my ex or if I knew that person is my friend's ex/crush, it's seems very weird if the ex hang out with me and my friend together and trying to act like it's all cool between them.
I am not sure if I am able to stay cool with such situation. Definitely we can't prevent love from growing but how the situation is handle makes a big difference.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
It is gonna be awkward for all parties when you guys decide to hang-out. Indeed, it is up to us on how we handle the situation but if that happens just be civil towards each other. Or better yet, stop hanging out for a while if things get quite uncomfortable.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
Ah, so the ex also dated your friend, and he was not treated right by your ex when they were in a relationship? Me too, i also think that its very awkward if you guys are in the same group as well, so the best thing to do is to avoid each other, especially if the parting was on not so good terms.
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
2 Sep 10
Yes, in such kind of unpredictable situation, I prefer not to attend any dates with when the ex is present.
There was this situation that I remembered where my friend's ex showed up at an outing. I had a hard time trying to act cool because I had only negative feelings for him because of how he treated my friend when they were in a relationship. Thus, I can understand more or less how awkward it's gonna be if the ex started to hang out with the same group of friends but with a different partner.
@akopoaysi (739)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
ill be upset if i found out that my friend will date my ex. but i wont be mad at them. and ill get over it for sure. we both have our own life and we dont belong together. so we are both entitled to be happy with someone else.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
Ah, that's good to know that you can easily get over it. Some guys that i know even punched their friend when they learned that they are already dating. And they havent talked since then. At least you wont get violent like my friends, lol. Its normal to be upset though. Its good that you dont hold grudges.
@zionsphere (673)
• United States
1 Sep 10
I can honestly say that the dishonesty would hurt me much more than the act itself. I've been on both sides of this, and when it was me doing the dating, I felt annoyed that she would be angry with me for dating someone that she said she didn't like anymore.
When my friend dated an ex, I was more concerned with the fact that I knew he would hurt her. And he did. In the mean time, she totally turned against me. Which hurt much worse than the fact she was with him in the first place. Now I have trust issues with her. Not because of him, but because she broke her integrity with me to be with him.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
Yes, you cant really control how people act towards one another, like who they would like to be in a relationship with, but the least that they could do is mention it to us right? Too bad you arent friends anymore. When it comes to guys, its always the friendship that suffers when your friend starts to like your ex. And since you also dated your friends ex before, so now you understand why all of a sudden your friend became mad at you. I myself try to logically explain why do we get so mad if its our friend when if its a stranger, we dont mind? Then all i can come up with is.. 'its because shes my friend'.. It just hurts more if its with someone thats close to us.
