Do you allow a friendship between your spouse and their ex?
By jodyangelann
@jodyangelann (39)
United States
September 1, 2010 7:29pm CST
I have been in a relationship for five years. He actually left his wife to be with me. Now he wants to be friends with her and talk on the phone and even hang out. Is this acceptable? He thinks I am crazy and childish. I feel it is wrong to go hang out and kiss goodbye. Give me your opinions.
2 people like this
7 responses
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
2 Sep 10
Hmm.. That's just it, he left her for you and now you're feeling insecure because he wants a relationship with her - even if it's still friends.
I think you can't do anything about it. You can't tell him no because you'll look demanding and clingy. Further, if you allow them to be together again, you'd be feeling paranoia because what if they'll fall for each other again?
It's up to him really. But if I were you, I don't have the reason to hold him back if he's still into her or would still want her as a part of his life.
@jodyangelann (39)
• United States
2 Sep 10
laydee, you are so right. I do feel paranoia and insecure when it comes to her. I have already tried the ultimatum route with him and it backfired. I guess I just have to accept it and see where it goes.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
3 Sep 10
True, we can't really do anything, neither would threats have positive feedback. All we could ever really do is accept and see where it goes - as you have said it.
I pray that you and your relationship with him would stand the test of time.
I have just realized now that you were the same person who posted that discussion about stressing out to want to get pregnant because your partner isn't ready still. Hmmm... I hope you'll find happiness soon, because the way I see it, perhaps the guy has hang ups that's why he's not ready to settle down (truly settle down) with you. I know it's hurtful and I don't mean to be rude, but I think if you're really worried about not having kids, it would be best if you found yourself someone who deserves you more than that bloke.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
2 Sep 10
He should not have that kind of relationship with her anymore. I think its not childish at all. You are just taking precautions in the kind of relationship that you have and the kind of relationship that they have. Maybe he can just be civil with her but not to the extent of hanging out together like that.
@jodyangelann (39)
• United States
2 Sep 10
Thank you p3ks626. I appreciate that you agree with me on this issue. I have no more patience for this subject with him. I think it is time to move on. Especially since I now know that other women agree with me.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 10
jodyangelann no indeed an ex means there were reasons why they are exes'and either he chooses you or her. are you married to this player?
If so file for divorce if not just pack up his duds and toss them
out along with him.so you are married and you were the other person, well now he wants her back and soon he will tire of her and find a newer fresher model.,Sorry to say this but you should have guessed if he could step out on his wife for you, he will also step out on you for her or someone new. Find someone who can be faithful only to you and no oneelse.
@jodyangelann (39)
• United States
2 Sep 10
Unfortunately I had no idea when we met and started dating that he was married. He was an over the road trucker and I just assumed he was working. When I found out I was in love and pregnant. I still should have expected him to eventually step out on me. Once a cheater always a cheater.
@jodyangelann (39)
• United States
2 Sep 10
My thoughts exactly. Especially since they were married for 15 years. He doesn't get that. He refuses to see the situation from my side.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
4 Sep 10
This is really so bad jody, well he left one to be with you, and again keeps hanging with her, i suspect he might be having multiple relationships.. no wife/spouse can tolerate
No need to fight, just sit with him, fix the issue..
Thanks for sharing.
Welcome always. 
Cheers. 
Professor
Cheers.
Professor
@rmishra1ravi (15)
• India
4 Sep 10
it's not at all acceptable he has played this trick earlier and is trying again on you and he is two timer you shouldn't trust him.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
2 Sep 10
I wouldn't allow it naturally but i depends for me. If i really trust her, i'd allow her to be friends with her ex but if i don't trust her that much, i wouldn't allow her.
