Why did I sign the papers? Was it really the right thing to do?
By BlueAngelRS
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
Canada
September 5, 2010 1:22pm CST
Now that my life is taking yet another turn....At the time that I filed for divorce with the anger hurt and all my emotions still so vivid I felt I was doing the right thing for me and my kids at the time.....We lost a baby together as many of you already know and I was told my nurses and friends that what can bring you so close together can also tare you apart....At the time I felt like he hated me, and asked myself what did I do wrong why and how can he be like this to me so I tried my best to let him go....
With that being said I know that I fell more in love with him the night we lost our baby and I struggled with that for a very long time cuz when I thought of baby I thought of him....I tried to prepare myself that if he ever came back no way no how was I ever going to take him back never....But Now that I'm yet taking another plunge I feel different....I now know what happened we have really talked about everything and he truly did change but the event took over and he fell into his comfy shell and has worked his way out of that shell this is the guy I know and love....I have set up a meeting with my councelor as I want to let go of past fears because if I don't nothing will change and it will happen again....I remember saying I regret marrying him when he was in his shell and I was angry and hurt but now I'm asking did I do the right thing by signing the papers?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@macdingolinger (10385)
• United States
6 Sep 10
You are really the only one who can decide if it was right or not. You know what it was like living with him. We each have to weigh our own decisions and decide if we did the right thing or not. this is many times difficult as you well know!
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
6 Sep 10
Yes you are so right about that....I think at the time it was the best but now I'm hoping that it will be better...
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10385)
• United States
6 Sep 10
It's always difficult while it is right in our face. Many times it becomes clearer the further away we get!
2 people like this
@amybrezik (2118)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I think only you can decide if you did the right thing, but it is understandable to have second thoughts. I did when I filed for divorce, but now after being divorced for two years, I know I did the right thing and I don't regret it at all. I am much happier. My kids still tell me that they wish that daddy and I had never broken up and that hurts, but I do know it was the right thing. Good luck with your situation, I wish you all the best.
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
5 Sep 10
Thanks I am now over a year into the divorce and we are taking things slow my ex and I....I truly believe at the time I did the right thing but if we make a strong relationship this time we could always get remarried....
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
5 Sep 10
I think that is only natural of mmost kids to want their parents to stay together amybrezik, but it is us the parents that have to decide what is best for not only ourselves, but the marriage, and the children!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (162238)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I am glad you are talking to a counselor about the situation, as that is probably more useful than our opinions. It is possible you can make a fresh start. I would think that you need some joint counseling if you decide to go that route. I know that whatever happens, the fact that you guys are talking honestly now is very healing for all involved.
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
6 Sep 10
We are both open to councling and we have decided if we can't do it with our own accord that it wouldn't hurt to have that as well....Yes we have had so many talks recently that it feels ausome and definatly healing thanks for your response GardenGerty...
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
5 Sep 10
Only you truly know the right answer to that question. As an outsider though I think that you did the right thing because he was avoiding you and the kids like the plague. He didn't even try to see the kids and he wasn't being the father that they needed him to be. He also wasn't really helping you either as both of you lost the baby not just him and visa versa. It is complicated, and i know the question will always be there, but he left and had no contact for over 2 years. How can you stay married to someone that doesn't live with you, or want anything to do with you? To me marriage is living together for 1, but having all of the other ingredients in the recipe of a good marriage like trust, communication, and sharing responsibility for everything including the children. No relationship wither it be friendship, marriage,etc is a one way street! That is just my opinion anyhow! BUT I am happy to hear that you are working things out and that he has changed for the better, hopefully he keeps up with it and doesn't go back into his comfy shell and past patterns!
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
6 Sep 10
That's great! Good luck to you both, I hope it works for you guys too!
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@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
5 Sep 10
I agree with you on that Purple that at the time I did do what was best how was I to know that we would be wanting or trying to have more then a friendship I don't think he or I thought this....We have talked alot about the baby we lost recently and have had some really good heart to heart talks about it....We weren't being there for the other and was taking our anger of the grieving out on one another....I really don't see him going back into his shell but he also knows I'm on the look out so to speak.....But he has been alot more open with me this time with trying to express himself.....I think we have a very good chance.....
@gharah (49)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
Ohhh, why am i feeling so bad after reading your story?
I feel bad when a family breaks and partner go their own way. But i know you two have your reasons but hopefully as days pass, and things slowly heal, the heart goes back home to where it truly belongs.
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
6 Sep 10
Awwww thanks we are working things out and taking it slow we want to ensure we remain together this time neither one of our hearts can handle another break up
