They are my kids... NOT SLAVES!!

Ignorance is the main reason people make these statements. Sounds like you have good children who are more than willing to help. My children also had chores and the only difference in what you do and what I would do is, if I ask them to do something outside normal chores and they refused, they did not have that option. Our family always works together until whatever needs to be done is finished and then we all sit down and relax or are free to pursue some other interest.

Hi there wonttakelong I totally agree with you there People used to say to me as well why not let the Children do it (I have 2 they are Adults now) I used to tell them, that I am able to do it myself and that Children need to enjoy their Childhood because once that is gone it is gone for ever So I totally agree with you our Children are not Slaves they are our Children that we love and treasure

Apart from this issue, I also hate when people comment that my daughter is too thin. One friend in particular will always say that, he saw us after 1 year and says your daughter is still too thin, she is thinner than last year..... how dare he.... Of course she has grown taller than the last time he saw, but that stupid man will not notice that, he likes to give hurtful comments, which hurts both me and my daughter, if they cannot say anything good about them, then just dont say at all. Similarly about your issue, they think we have given birth to make use of them and make them work as and when required, it is really irritating....

Hi Wonttakelong, Great to see you...haven't bumped into you for a while! Yes...I do get that alot or at least I did when my kids were younger and still all at home. I even got accused of not laying the law down hard enough on them when I'd get home from work at night and the house was a mess. I have 4 girls. I did not ever designate chores to them. Rather I would tell them that it is OUR home and up to all of us to keep it clean and something we would be proud to have others see. For the most part, they did help and seemed to enjoy doing so. Of course that meant the kitchen being decorated in beanie babies at times and some very unique artwork being posted around the place. I remember one time my youngest who was 7 at the time, decorated the bathroom so outrageous that I felt the need to whisper to people that she was the decorator. Still thru it all, they learned to take pride. On the times that I came home and the place was a disaster, it was never about how much they did not do. It was always, "come on guys...I cleaned this place before I went into work and I just worked a 10 hour shift and why do I have to come home to a messy house? " I don't know how to put this to words really. They each had their own rooms which they were responsible for. Even that...If they wanted a pigsty...so be it as long as they didn't have bug attracting stuff going on in there then it was just a matter of closing the door. I think our parenting style is similar. My girls are grown now and they have beautiful homes and are all very responsible. I still have my 16 yr old and her room is awesome and without being told she helps out with the rest of the chores. And like every kid...she will walk by the trash and walk right on by the dumpster on her way to visit her friend. There will be nites that I come home to a sink full of dishes and nothing done. In all honesty...I have those kind of days too.

wonttakelong, Though the remark here may sound to be insensitive and rather crude if I may add, I just doubt if there is any real misdemeanor there and I hate to that it is. I know how dreadful you feel but I suppose you will just have to see the persons who said it to understand where it is getting to. I would really have to reevaluate them if they are actually close friends. Let me assure you that whatever you have done with your children isn't wrong and no one has the right to tell you otherwise especially when they are so well loved and brought up. If I were you, I would just let these words fall on deaf ears and not let it affect me.

A: I don't think anyone says such things as an insult to you. If it is not meant as an insult, don't take it as such. B: I think you are over sensitive to the topic. When people give friendly advice or ideas, just say "That's a thought", and move on. C: I actually agree with them. The worst, most invasive illness in the country today, is laziness. The number of useless, lazy, worthless people in America is astounding. Any chance to teach your kids that life is hard work, and to put in their 100% in all that they do, and do as much as they can, will be a benefit to them. D: I don't think having them work for you, has to be a method of slavery either. I fully support paying them commission to earn some money. I'm completely against allowance. The quicker you teach them that the way you earn money is by working, the better off they'll be later in life. Now, does all of this reflect on your kids, or you? I have no idea. I'm not saying it does, or doesn't. But the idea that making your kids do chores is slavery... please.... Are you telling me you have not sacrificed and worked for their good, in ways they could never repay? I'm sure whatever little things they do for you, is a mere fraction of what you've done for them. I think you are over reacting. Just my opinion.

I have the opposite problem here...lol. I'm quite at ignoring all comments...yes, it does offend me for a while (a very little time) and then I let it go. My kids have their chores which they do happily...the chores are stuff like making their own bed, cleaning their room...putting their clothes in the laundry basket, HELPING with the dishes, things like that.Chores make them responsible. My older son offers to help with chores which are not his regular ones...like helping me carry a load somewhere, helping me clean out something, etc. He offers to do it (he does it more with others) and I do not stop him unless I feel it's too much for him. I've had people tell me that I'm making them work. REcently, my 10 year old son was at my neighbour's place (who is like a second family to him). They had guests and as he entered, he saw that their younger daughter had just finished cutting up paper into small pieces (she is a 3 year old and had just learnt to cut). He offered to clean it up. At first, my neighbour said it's not necessary, she would do it later. He insisted and she let him. The guests were appalled and said as much. My friend told them that he was just doing the same thing he does in his home and they were even more shocked...'Why do you make your kids do your work for you?' was their question!! But my son does the same when his little brother makes a mess (he teaches him how to clean too) at our home. Well, the guests don't have kids of their own...so they wouldn't understand, I guess.

Actually just the other day I told a friend I had to get off the phone with her because it was time to get the living room picked up some. She said "Have your daughter do it." But it didn't upset me because she actually had a point. I'm the parent & I shouldn't be the only one cleaning. Kids should help keep at least their own objects picked up & even help with extra stuff, like taking the trash out & dishes. No kids are not slaves, but they should have chores & they should do the chores that the parents give them to do & if not, they shouldn't be able to do extra fun activities. We should teach our kids that EVERYONE in the house plays a part with keeping the house clean & this should start young. Heck, my daughter was putting away her own clothes in drawers before she hit age 2 & this was done on her own, from watching me. So, I didn't find it offensive to be honest, but that is me.

I do not think that people put a lot of thought into what they say to others and I think that it is a shame for someone to insinuate that you would use your children for slaves. I teach my child responsibility with their chores, but would not consider them to be the ones to do all of the work or to be slaves.

I think that is highly offensive too. HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. I love my kids. Now I expect them to take care of THEIR THINGS, like their rooms, their messes, their laundry, etc, and to clean up common areas if they make a mess, but I don't expect them to take care of each other, to clean up some mess *I* made, or to just do stuff because I feel like having them do it. Now if they get SNOTTY about being asked to do something, then I might make it mandatory, because clearly giving an attitude shouldn't result in no consequence, but in general most expectations are related to 'taking care of themselves' and as such, chores related directly to that.

Hmm, some people just think they're being funny.. They are insensitive and would rather have something witty to say than think of the feelings of the person they're saying it to. People don't say this to me as I only have one child. But plenty of people ask me when I'm having the next one (just assuming that because I've had one child I am automatically going to have another..), and some even pass judgement about how it would be cruel not to have another one. That really annoys the heck out of me. And before we had our daughter people were forever hassling us about when we would have kids. Seems like however many children you have, someone is always there ready to judge, poke their nose in or make fun. You really can't win!

Hi, I believe you are a good mother for your kids. Never treat our own kids as a slaves.no matter what their status are still our "KIDS" at home. Of course, it does not mean you have to pamper them and do all things for them. As they grow up,let them do things by their own, like eat themselves, take off their own shoes, keep their own toys,learn to put on shirt and pants,etc...as long as, you feel safe to let them do, then teach them how to do it. As a parent, we definitely want our kids to be independent. They may also have the stage where getting curious on the things we are doing and may want to get involve,slowly let them involve in simple housechores and let them have fun together. As they are getting involved,slowly they may get used to it and they will be your great helper at home. Takecare.

No one has ever told me that I should make the kids do this or that in our home. The only time that I've ever been told that they should do something is when it comes to keeping the house clean and I'm only told that I shouldn't be expected to do it all myself in those kinds of situations. That said, I would never think of kids as being slaves because there are much more important things that children should be doing in their lives than simply doing everything for mom and dad. They have to have the opportunity to play and explore and learn to make growing up easier.

Hiya wonttakelong, No I have not had this happen to me as such. But when I was small very small. Friends would go and see my Parents and when they said they had to do something they said something very similar to that. "That is what you have got Kids for". Well then it was like that more or less you did have to do a lot of Jobs, small Jobs that you did not like doing because they never asked you if you wanted to do them they simply said you had to do it and that was it.

Over fifty years ago my parents made it a point not to do this to us. Particularly mom told people that neither my older sister, nor I were built in babysitters for our younger siblings. We did do things for our parents, but we also saw them do things for each other, and they would do things for us. We had chores. My kids had chores. When I ran a daycare, and my dish load got pretty heavy, my kids helped me a lot, and their allowance also went up a lot, because their help was valuable to me. Kids are people, and they are to be respected. They learn more by seeing you work than by being slaves.

When I go to the grocery store, the bagger always asks me do I need help carrying out the grocery and I JOKINGLY tell him, no that is why I brought the kids with me. Of course, I was joking. I have 3 kids and they do have chores to do, and they help with the cooking because I feel they all need to learn to cook. I don't feel that the kids should do all the household work. I used to have people ask me why my oldest boy doesn't "babysit" his younger siblings, instead of me sending them to afterschool daycare. I would tell them I didn't give birth to him to have a built in babysitter. I also didn't want my son to feel responsible if something happened to his brother or sister. Occasionally he would babysit if my husband and I were going out to dinner, but certainly not routinely.

I agree with you that children should not be given too much work to do. They need time to study and play and just be kids. At the same time they do need to learn some responsibility. Some light housework that could be done in an hour a week would not be overburdonsome, could help you, and also teach them some of the work needed in keeping up a home that hopefully will help them to be independent one day. The only problem might be, as my mother used to say, it was more work supervising me to make sure I did my work, than it would be to do it herself.

My mom used to tell me she didn't need a dishwasher that's why she had kids. It would just make me so mad all the time. I do think children should have chores and be responsible for picking up after themselves but they are not there to do everything for you. My sister and I were responsible for a lot of the cleaning around the house growing up as my mom was a single mother and worked full time, lets just say though our house was never that clean sometimes. I am a better house cleaner now that I had my daughter. The boys that live next door who are 10 don't really have any chores and whine about things when they have to do them so I told them the things my daughter does at 3 and most of them because she wants too. So I think there is middle gound you need to be at but seems like a lot of people are at one extrem or another. I also don't agree with expeting the oldest child to help with the younger children, they are not their child, if they want to help fine but I have seen where the older child is just expected to take care of the younger ones. I really hate that. I don't think my daughter will have that problem as she is most likly an only child.

I used to do lots of chores when i was a kid which made me once thought if my mom really love me or just raised me to do the house chores (silly thought!). I have my own playing time provided task at home and assignments in school were done. Now that i've grown up, im living alone and living like a girl scout (lol), i can do anything and survives on my won. But i guess since i went through those "kiddy" hardships, when its time for me to raise my own kids i don't think i can make them experience my childhood life. Its not bad to make kids do the chores, its a good training actually---but making them a slave is a different story.

Yeah, I think it's pretty messed up that they said that. It should actually be the parent that takes care of things like that. Things like chores and stuff I can understand but I think people sometimes take things way to far. I haven't really gotten that kind of a question before and I hope I don't.