Relationship problem help!!

Nicole, little girl, we need to talk. I'm gonna have to shoot you straight and you take this for what its worth. Believe me when I say, what I'm telling you is for your own good, and I care enough to respond. I've been married going on 18 years. I got married when I was 19, my wife was 18. We met in church and had no intimate encounters until that ring was on her finger! Having said that, I know that people get involved in relationships and emotions can get the best of us. You need to ask yourself some serious questions; assuming that these children are his - what is he gonna do about it? Does this guy really love you, or did the kids cause him to cast a jaundice eye at the relationship? Does he feel tied down now because he's gotta grow up? Secondly, do you wanna man or a little brother? I read what you said that he told you to step up and be a woman...honey, when you pushed them kids out on that table, WELCOME TO WOMANHOOD!!! So you're in a financial bind right now, the greatest thing you can ever be for him and yourself is true and faithful to those babies! If he doesn't appreciate what you do for him ON TOP of what you do for your kids, you might wanna ask him does he even want you anymore?!? See, I know I'm a Christian and all that, but I wasn't born one. I grew up hooded - out, and I fell into a lot of pits, emotionally and sinfully before I met my wife or Jesus. For example, I thought this girl I was seeing was pregnant, so her parents got involved, my parents, yada yada...I was 15 years old and the first thought that came to my mind is, 'I gotta do what I gotta to make sure that SHE is taken care of and that MY KID will be taken care of!' I was looking for work, trying to balance that with school - see, I put myself last and her first. Well, thank God she wasn't pregnant and eventually I moved away but the point is, HE SHOULD BE HANDLIN' HIS BUSINESS WORKING AND DOING WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO IN ORDER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND THE KIDS...If he ain't about that...why bother? I'm not talking about being a Gold digger, I'm talking about a man who is willing to take responsibility for his actions. If he can lie down with you, then he can get up and dress the kids!! Nicole, I wanna see God work something out for you girl...we've all made mistakes and what not, but the last chapter of a person's life is yet to be written; keep your head up and take a good look in the mirror...ask yourself, are YOU worth it? Challenge him about your relationship...does he want to make it work, or is he playing games because he feels tied down and probably wants to 'Spread his wings?' just think about it okay...I'm praying for you...

I think life is the name of facing problems.. their are many problems will face you in your life.. and only you are the person to solve your problems.. because no one can solve your problems.. but they only gives you advised.. that what you should do in that situations.. so you my become more energetic .. because you have some responsibilities to fulfill.. so be strong and fight with your problems.. best wishes..

All I can say is when faced with problems isn't always easy but it sounds like to me that he may be unsure of himself too and it may just just be you or something you did wrong....Try to see it in a positive manner and you will soon see a change hopefully I know it's easier said then done have been there before...Good Luck...

hi nicole three years gone by and hope you solved the problem. I read this and thought if this man wants you to be more of a woman then he needed to define what the hell he meant. Otherwise I would say to you tell this creep, this cretin to get lost. You do not need him in your life. A real man would fall in love and ask you to marry him not just shack uj and beg for yhu to be more of a woman.

I had not read this post when I answered the other. By all means get a job! It is very difficult to get along with someone who manipulates you. And I don´t know what else to call that about you having to know what you don´t know. He just wants to have power over you by making you feel bad. A baby is made by two people. It is not "your fault". And if you are a stay at home mom, after all you are staying with your parents. It is not as if he was the only provider. Start to work, try to see a day care center for the babies and then you can see if your relation with him works. He has to give if he want to recieve, you know. Take care!

Well it's so tough to be in that kind of situation and I know how difficult to handle that kind of relationship where in you are clueless. I mean clueless because you don't even know what does your partner wants you to do for him to say that you're a real woman. Is he referring for you to have a job or is it because you are staying with your parents etc. If he really loves you then he should be thinking of how to be the first one to help you instead of criticizing you all the time and also he should be the first one to understand your situation. It's not easy to have a job right after giving birth. If I were you, better start looking for a job without letting him know so that would be a surprise for him. Show him that even if you are not that like of an experienced woman, prove him that you are mature enough to go on with life. Don't let his criticisms bring you down but if he still won't change then I guess you better think twice if this kind of man is the one you wish to spend your whole life with.. Good luck..