How to come out of "Identity Criss" in a family atmosphere

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Hello friends! This is the problem which I have been facing for more than 2 months or even more also. Ours is an India joint family. my husband is the 2nd son of the family. Even though we are doing a lot to this family members, the elders of supporting and more concerned with the 1st son and his family and children. I don't know what's wrong with us. for more of the family requirements, elders are expecting us to do, but showing more love and affection and concern for the other family. Really this treatment is hurting me a lot! when I discussed the problem with my husband "I am doing my duty, don't bother about others' comments". But I am not able to be like that. this is troubling me a lot! I tried several methods! keeping myself busy, busy with kid... etc. anybody suggest me how to come out this Identity Crisis. I am not jealous of the other family...I am expecting Elders should treat, all the sons and daughters-in-law equally...they are not changing...So I want to change myself...It will be of great help, if mylotters can help me to get out of this crisis....