How do you like your life, single or married?
By julialois28
@julialois28 (105)
Philippines
September 8, 2010 4:52am CST
I am married with a kid. I enjoy being a mom but being a housewife, not really. When I was single, I used to work a lot. I just go home to sleep and to prepare for work. I was a workaholic. And now that I have a kid, it's impossible for me to work again because I cannot leave my child with people I really don't know. Because you know, there are many cases and videos out there, baby sitter battering the child. I don't want that to happen to my child. I would kill someone who would hurt my baby. Now that I have a child, I tried to accept the fact that I can no longer do what I was used to doing when I was still single. It's a sacrifice for me just to be able to deliver my family the attention and care they deserve. I have no problem being a mom but being a wife, yes. Because I have a partner who doesn't know how to appreciate what I do and what I no longer do, for my family. As a wife, I know my obligations and chores, and I perform them everyday. But this husband doesn't seem to see that. He just wants this thing or that thing get done, even though he knows I don't feel so good or I'm sick. I'm not a housemaid or a slave but I make sure to get things done at home because I feel they're my responsibility. But when I don't feel fine, that's the only time I get to skip some. But isn't that understandable? Are men really insensitive? A partner is supposed to understand and love his/her partner, right? Sometimes it takes a lot of courage, hardwork and understanding to be able to face the struggles in your life... Now, what do you prefer, being single or married? Well, me? Taking things into consideration, I think, I would want to be single, with a kid.
2 people like this
30 responses
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
8 Sep 10
Hi dear,
I felt little painful. There are so many people now prefer to the way what you explained. Many feel that their freedom is getting infringed and controlled, even after suffering a lot in the name of a family. Also, many are sacrificing in the name of a family to maintain and keep balance with life in a better way.
But, some partners are taken it for granted. One way, I appreciate your will to make a peaceful life as single with your loving child. I felt uncomfortable that these all are to be promoted or stopped? Even the girls are ready to some kind of adjustments with life, the man who is claiming that they are the supreme, are not willing to go for a compromise.
Here the actual problem arises. But, the irresponsible people make their life also in a trouble as well as the other people life also in a mess. Your decision is good. But, if you like for a man's presence at your own time, how you will manage? May be you say not required, I know as long as you are married and young, and a mother of a child, you will have the desire to be with a man.
However, the man are not at all bothered of such things, what we can say about. This kind of trend is increasing in all countries. An adjustment and cooperation is not at all comes under consideration.
I think till your child is grown up, you have to be suffering a lot and I think you will manage things well.
All the best and regards,
Thank-s
1 person likes this
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I feel pain as well. I'm doing everything to make my family work. I want a happy family, who doesn't? That's why I do what I can to keep my family intact. I just want to know the reactions of others on this matter and maybe learn from their comments. Thanks.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
13 Sep 10
Hi dear,
I think you may be having certain hard times now. But, your little one comes up, you will enjoy more and engaged. So looking after him with your better time is the precious moments now you can enjoy. I hope you are getting also now. I think for a mom, the best time in her life is when she is having a child and bring them in to their future.
Now, you are there and hope you will get all types of pleasure and enjoyment. Forget about the other things, which give you pressure and difficulties.
Regards,
Thank-s
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
9 Sep 10
Hi julialois!.
Its seem a family life a little hard my friend.
I am still single but you seem make me consider to chose a better man who I can respect and respect me back, it will be hard if he wanna me to do a house work because I am not talented in it.
I wanna married because I want to have my own family, a child of my own for sure but it impossible without a husband because they will look lowly at my child. Its not common here having a child without a husband.
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I understand. Just be sure to get a good husband who truly loves you. Have a nice day. :)
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
Hi julia!
I'm really sorry if you don't get the appreciation you deserve from your husband. How long have you been married, if I may ask? I think your situation is the common reason why a lot of women choose to stay single or be a single parent. I am still single but it's not a choice and if I do get the chance to find someone for me, yes, I will marry. But I guess I'm not that lucky when it comes to love. I'm already past my mid-30s and I've accepted that fact. Besides, I'm happy anyway being single. I'm free as a bird.
I suggest you talk to your husband about your concerns. It's your choice to get married, right? You might just be passing one of those struggles or rocky roads in your married life. Be strong and keep your family. It's important for a child to have both parents, together.
Ciao!
I suggest you talk to your husband about your concerns. It's your choice to get married, right? You might just be passing one of those struggles or rocky roads in your married life. Be strong and keep your family. It's important for a child to have both parents, together.
Ciao!@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I've been married for two years but I felt like I've been married for centuries. :) My husband and I have talked about this before and it seems like it's going on over and over again but still, nothing happens. No developments, so far. Can I ask you, why you say you're not lucky when it comes to love?
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I've been married for two years but I felt like I've been married for centuries. :) My husband and I have talked about this before and it seems like it's going on over and over again but still, nothing happens. No developments, so far. Can I ask you, why you say you're not lucky when it comes to love?
@6precious102 (4043)
• United States
9 Sep 10
If never been married, so I can't compare single life with married life. I think both have their advantages and disadvantages. I'm not sorry I'm single. I enjoy the freedom of single life.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 10
Hi,
Sorry to hear about your partner treatment toward you.
Don't be sad.Have a good chat with him and let him understand your position.
Get the right time to talk to him.
I am a full time housewife and this is definitely not the way I like.
but I have no choice as I have to takecare of my son.
Before I have a kid, I always join my husband to his shop,help him there and at
least I won't feel bore at home.But since I have a kid, I have to be at home
and taking care of my son 24/7,I was like in jail and I really
can't take it. But no choice, I feel uneasy to left my son with baby sitter.
Too much worries and this is the best decision for me to takecare of him myself.
Of course, I do enjoy my motherhood, I can see my son grow up day by day and
spending times with him is so much fun.
Being someone's wife, I always do my duty and so far, my husband treat me well
He did help me up in simple housechores or taking care of our son when I was busy.
However, I do miss my single life. Full of freedom and I can out to society to
earn money for myself. I really wish time can turn back and let me enjoy my
single life again.
It does not mean I don't treasure my current life. I feel happy with my life now.But I just miss my single life on and off. Being single means I am free with my own wing..fly here and there and not much responsibility.
Once get married, burden and responsiblity started to come one by one and no more
freedom.I just need an understanding husband who always at my side.
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
Nice to know you have a loving husband. Like you, that's how I feel, I miss being single on and off. I think it's just normal. And yes, I agree, it doesn't mean you don't treasure your current life, it's just that you miss those times when you had freedom and enjoy what you loved to do when you we're single. I feel that way too but it doesn't mean I regret having been married or having a kid. My child is my very precious gift from above and my inspiration. And I would never regret having a kid. I would regret if I were not able to have one. Sometimes we have to do some sacrifice for the family that's why we also long for appreciation. I think that's just what I need, a simple appreciation would do. But my child covers up for any bad feeling I may have. He makes me laugh and makes me complete.
@abhinav7175 (126)
• India
9 Sep 10
well thats very sad to hear ....
but ryt nw m in love .. and wud want to spend my lyf wid my girl.. and here in india thats only posible wen we are married.. so i gotta get married ..cuz i jst cant liv widout her..
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
That's good for you. I hope that your relationship blooms more when you get married. :)
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
12 Sep 10
I will never marry, I never thought I could Love a husband and I never wanted children. so I am so happy to be single! Why? Because I think there are men and then there are husbands. A man will help out with housework or at least notice when things are done around the house. I wouldn't expect a husband to. A Man who loves you will show and Say it regularly, A husband only on Valentine's Day , under protest.and on the Anniversary If he remembers it. And as for children , I have no desire or love for a child . And even if I did , I wouldn't expect my husband to help with the child! I know, I know many modern husbands help out around the house , tell their wives they love them often. But I'm old fashioned enough not expect it so given the choice I rather be happy and single. I would be the worst wife on the planet.
If you feel you are not getting the support you need , try to get some help. See if hubby and you can talk to a third party. if he won't and you are still not happy, then get out . There are good day care for working mothers. Not All of them are bad. It is better for baby to have a happy working mom , than a unhapy stay home mom. Take Care and Good Luck.
@Peppersquirrel (437)
• United States
13 Sep 10
I feel very comfortable being single because I love having the freedom to be who I am and not let anyone take control of what I do. I just do not need the stress of being in a relationship because it make me feel less than a person. I had always been hurt in a relationship by many partners, so I rather be single for life.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Sep 10
I was married to a loving man who shared responsibiltieswith me and shared housework when necessary and I loved him so much. so yes I loved married life as we supported each other. but his heart attack ended our marriage after 33 years.,so I grew old with my son robbie as my only support but I am happy now as a single too. If your husband is not supporting you he is not loving you as he should be doing. You are a human being and should be treated like awife not a servant or a subsitute mama.julia I would sit down and have a heart to heart and if that does not help give him an ultimatum. my way or the highway. You deserve to have someone love you for you not for a mama or a provider.but a real loved wife that he will cherish.
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
8 Sep 10
I think the problem you are facing is the same which i have been facing .The need of being appreciated and applauded.I know it is very difficult to manage household affairs and that too with a kid but sometimes people around you just ignore that how much efforts we are putting in to make everyday successful.
I am a working professional and have 2.5 years old son.I have to manage both house and office but like yours my partner too does not appreciate and encourage for whatever substantial i have been doing and this really drives me crazy .He has never ever praised for the food i cook or chores i do.
But if they cannot change,change yourself.You start doing what you enjoy the most.When you feel discouraged just go to spa,beauty saloon or shopping to please yourself.I know it really helps.
@doglady112 (604)
• Canada
9 Sep 10
I think that I would have to say that I'd prefer being single. I'm in the same boat you're in with the exception of the kid. Anyway I don't have a really supportive spouse too. But he seems to be doing a little more lately which makes me a little bit more happy.
@lieest (12)
•
8 Sep 10
Hi you know what i think that's the way it is to be being a wife and a mother.being a mother is the most beautiful feeling when you see your children it make you laugh you forgot all the bad thing the happen and that the price you deserve.And I understand what you feel being a wife and a woman we needs to be appreciate by our partner we need there comport,love and respect and I think that's what you are looking hope that that I'm right.thank
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
Yes, you're right. What I'm looking for is a little appreciation of what I'm doing.
@amolisimo30 (43)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
Maybe its time you both sit down and talk things over. For all you know your hubby maybe also tired being the breadwinner of the family.
@julialois28 (105)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
Yes I sometimes think that maybe he's a bit tired working. But I'm working too, aside from being a hands-on mom and wife, I do homebased jobs when my baby is sleeping in the afternoon. I'm always sleep deprived because I have to get up every two hours so my baby would be fed in the wee hours of the morning and instead of sleeping together with my baby in the afternoon, I still make time do my homebased job as well as the household chores while not taking my family for granted. And that he doesn't seem to see.
@ankster (273)
• India
8 Sep 10
Till now I feel Iam very happy after getting married.Iam a house wife and also I work and write online and Iam very happy with the way life is moving but yes offcourse I fear when I will have kid will my hubby have the same respect,consideration and love which he has today?Its all on God but yes I feel Iam enjoying life after getting married.I feel more independent and happy with my hubby then before when I was single.But yes no one can compare the love of parents with anyone.Although my In laws are very loving but they cannot in any way take place of my parents.Right now I feel blessed to marry my hubby.Future I cant say whether I will share the same feeling.
@beho82770 (63)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
In my honest opinion, it depends on your calling in life whether you have the gift of celibacy or the gift of getting married. You alone together with much sought prayer can determine if you will remain single or not.
For me, marriage is not for all since it must come from the will of God. There's no such thing as soulmate because each and everyone of us has a vocation or calling in life. Nothing happens without a reason or cause or nothing happens by accident. We must not force ourselves in getting into married life in a hurry. As the saying goes "Haste makes waste" so too getting married is no easy matter.
Communication is vital in every relationship whether single or married. Humans need to constantly talk and communicate to each other for we are created as a social creature intended to interact with one another.
In your situation, I would suggest praying a lot and focus on the good side and not to harbor negative thoughts on your mind. God knows what's happening in your life and He only wants you to take time to uplift your worries and problems to Him. Nothing is too difficult to Him to handle.
Being married into someone else is also marrying the dark side of your partner. We are not perfect so does your partner in life. The most important thing is both partners are willing to resolve any issues before the end of the day and not to prolong bitterness. Love covers a multitude of sins as what the Scriptures says so show extra patience and love to your partner. Who knows one day he may see in you the light of your faithfulness and devotion to him. Let God be your ultimate ocmforter and friend.
Hope these words enlighten your mind.
@dexter77 (67)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I love being single because there are no serious responsibilities. I can do whatever I want and I can go wherever I want without thinking anybody else, but at the end of the day, I am still hoping to find my partner in life whom I could start and build my own family and to grow old with... It is a blessing to grow old with someone special beside you aside from your family and relatives. So love and take care your family. You're very lucky in case you don't know. God bless! :)
@Sphinx30 (286)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
As I've read your discussion, I've found out that your husband seems like he abused you, right? A woman like you should not be treated like that...As I've understand you've been good to your husband and a good mother to your kid. I think your husband has a problem psychologically...I'm also married but I care so much my wife because I've realized being a woman and a wife is not that easy. In my opinion, Taking that consideration I think it is best for both of you to talk that problem before you've decide a decision that will broke your family.
@richard03 (133)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
nice question topic... single or married life? i think for some time you have to fulfill the life of being a single before marrying someone, because when your tired of being single that's when it comes to your heart that you need a companion for life. i think everyone gets this feeling, who doesn't want to grow old with someone. i guess others don't want kids but a partner to grow old with? NO one... PEAce!!!
@barelal (111)
• India
9 Sep 10
well it does depends on situations and conditions, some wife thought that their life is getting weird after marriage, and some think that they got their real life with their partner. so being happy as a single or married depends on your life partner, you didnt get the one who deserve you but there are many other who gets what they want i.e. an ideal life partner. sometimes communication gaps make relationship worst, so i think in your particular case you should talk to him with your issue, and ask him to clear everything, dont be shy.
