new and old relationships
@blueangelwrites (149)
Philippines
September 8, 2010 9:53pm CST
hello...my friend is in trouble and how to advise her on this. she is married but her marriage is not working so she wants to end it. she already talked to her husband about separating and her husband seem to agree...but they still both live together and share responsibilities as parents. then she meets a guy and falls for him. the guy is also married but does not have kids. he also had talked about separating with his wife and his wife also seems to consent to the separation but, they still live together...this new guy wants her to move in with him to a new house...i told my friend, both of them should settle their old lives before they can start a new one with this guy she is seeing. they both are keeping their relationship a secret from their spouses. what is going on between them? i am starting to get irritated with her and her new man not getting the courage to end their marriages and she's always asking me what to do. i tell her all the time...end the old before you start the new...if she really wants to, and if her boyfriend really wants to. my advise for myself...don't get involved anymore...they each have individual issues that i can't understand so obviously i shouldn't. the only thing that's keeping me is our friendship.
10 responses
@ankster (273)
• India
9 Sep 10
Basically I feel you are in real dilemma between your friendship and your resposibilty of helping them.According to me friends should never give any sugesstions and interfere in other friends personal and family life.What suggestion you are giving may not appeal to either of the party and you may end up in abroken freindship so the best course is to stay out of third person;s matter and let them decide infact even if they ask you to give suggestion tell them frankly that you do not want to interfere in their personal lives.Thats the best way to retain friendship and help friends to take their lives decisions on their own.I am telling this because helping in family and personal matters results into nothing on the contrary you may end up being their enemy because whatever we say may not always suits one;s temperament so best way is to lead your life peacefully and let others lead their lives peacefullu.As far as your friend is concerned I feel strongly divorce is not the ultimate solution.The person if cannot handle one relationship there is no guarantee that he or she will be able to handle other relationship well.I feel this rest its all Gods will..
@blueangelwrites (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
Thank you for that. I really feel like I am torn in this situation...torn over the fact that her kid is the one suffering for this and feeling like I had to do something...If only there is something I could do but there really isn't except to pray for her and her family...
@ankster (273)
• India
13 Sep 10
all you can do is not to interfere and leave everything on god.Let them decide the future of their kid.When despite of being parents they are unable to patch up and resolve for their kid what you will do as a third person?Only thing is pray to God.He has the solutions.Sometines we are so helpless that instead of bearing pain we are left with nothing in the hand.But you are a friend and your responsibility is to mingle them up not to guide them...
@rdramirezC (240)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
for me, their relationship is not right in the sight of GOD...
you are involved because the girl is your friend...you should have advise your friend to end it up it cause a curse if they produce a baby...its the what we call it " SIN "
if you had the idea to do so and yet, you neglect to then you had an accountability in the eyes of GOD...souls here in this situation matters.
Their relationship is WRONG...advise her to end it up...She is already married with a legal husband and is having a child.
@blueangelwrites (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
I have also discussed this with her and I told her that her situation is very difficult to face since it involves what she believes in. She must be sure of what she wanted...to end her marriage because, it is also not right to pretend wanting to be with her husband when all she's thinking about is moving away with a new love...or to choose to settle her marriage because you had to be there for better or worse.
@rdramirezC (240)
• Philippines
1 Oct 10
It's now all up to her...as long as you did your part...
what she call LOVE to the other isn't real Love..It's LUST...!!!!
she has her commitment with her husband and the people around who witness their vows..And most It's her commitment to GOD/
@louisefrank (356)
•
9 Sep 10
You say they have children so you must gently remind your friend that her biggest responsibility is to them. Is there no way this couple can rebuild their relationship? I don't know which country you are from but here in the UK we can go to relationship counselling so that couples can try to sort out their difference. If their relationship has irretrievably broken down then a separation is inevitable. However, to start a new relationship with a man who is also married is disastrous. She is tearing apart two families. Presumably all the parties made certain promises when they married and should do their best to live up to those commitments, especially where children are involved.
@blueangelwrites (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
I have asked her to get some counselling, both for her and her husband. I worry about her kid because they are the ones who are greatly aggravated in this situation. If she just focused on her kid, she'll get the needed will to turn around and stop this disaster waiting to happen. I don't know if I should tell her husband. It really is getting too much for me...
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
even if your friend and her husband already agreed to separate, she should not involve herself yet in any relationship with other men. They should both wait their previous relationships to be settled so that they won't encounter any legal issues in the future. It is not wrong to try to love for the second time especially if their relationship with their spouses aren't already working, however, they should be brave to end it all before to start anew. It is much better to deal with a new one when there's nothing in the old closet anymore.
@blueangelwrites (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
I totally agree with that. I think maybe she is doubting this new relationship. She is finding it hard to trust this new guy since he himself has not left his marriage. If they changed their minds about each other, they'll probably end up being alone.
@mlhervas (482)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
You have already given your friend the best advise which is to end her marriage first before she enters into a new relationship.
This is very important because if she will continue with seeing her new boyfriend and will be caught red handed by her husband or her boyfriend's wife then they will face imprisonment for polygamy. It is an illegal act. Not only do they face jail time buy they will also face embarrassment. 
She should think about her children and not only think of her pleasure. 
She should think about her children and not only think of her pleasure. @blueangelwrites (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
Back of my mind, all i think about is how she does it, how she can go to all this trouble ...For me, she should make it simple. If she wants to leave her marriage, then she can coz already her husband gave her somewhat a go sign. Maybe she is waiting for her boyfriend to leave his family...for them to do the move simultaneously...Yes, it would end up bad for them if they don't realize it too soon. I worry so much about her kid. I wish it was possi
@forevercy (1)
• China
10 Sep 10
this is wholly a comedy & tradegy, how could two people get married and break up so cursory? I couldn't understand there're always people getting in love, solemn pledge of love, vow to each other but ended by separating. Sarcastically, the couples are used not to find their own problems but use marriage, the time kills or the other ridiculous nonsignificant factors as pretext.
If love, pls. love truely and naturally;
If love, pls. respect your love and trust your love; no lies, no plays;
If love, pls. don't promise until you can keep and practice that promise to her/him in your life long time.
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
9 Sep 10
You should stay out of married people's problems. Both of these people are cheaters and disrespecting their vows. Later when they realize that cheats are marrying cheaters, do you want your friend to point at you and say, "why didn't you warn me?"
People use to work out their marital problems. Now with divorce being so easy, they just look for greener grass, no matter who else it hurts. The whole thing stinks.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
9 Sep 10
I don't snoop around on any problems regarding relationships. I believe the best way to resolve the issue is by sensible communication from both sides. If it couldn't resolved by them then it's better to just break up.
@shearry18 (118)
• Davao, Philippines
9 Sep 10
Your friend is lucky enough to have you as a friend. It is okay that you give advices to her and you listen to her sentiments whenever she needs to say something about it. But as a friend too, you need to let her decide on her own. She will be the one to weigh things right. Being in a relationship is not a joke and I hope your friend knows that especially now that her first marriage failed. We don't want that to happen again with her second relationship with this guy. i hope she has a good plan. Just always be there as a friend if she needs one. Goodluck to both of you and hope that your friendship will last long!
@g583507093 (30)
• China
9 Sep 10
if she want stay with her new guy,she should better get rid her first husband first.or else ,she will lose both.
