it has been a rough week

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so i had a couple of really bad days this past week one involving a friend and one involving a family pet I guess that is where I will start a couple days ago the family dog now this is my lady's dog so not really my pet, but I had to deal with everyone that cared about the dog so it affected me too and he was a good dog for being a little dog he definitely didn't like strangers. She had the dog for about 11 years and he had to be put down cause of stones or something and it wouldn't of been fair to have him suffering like that so for the sake of the animal they had him put to sleep and it was tough the last couple days that I saw him he was shaking and was just so sad and that was not like her dog to be and he would of had to have surgery that chances are he wouldn't of survived so it was the humane thing to do, but it sure is weird not having him around. A few days earlier I found out that a friend of mine had an incident and then a day or two later had left a suicide note that wasn't found for at least 12 hours so that was not something I wanted to hear and they found him in the river a couple days later and I didn't know what to think at first I was just in shock, cause anyone who knew him he was the nicest guy to everyone he met and would do anything for you. He was so outgoing and was always trying to make everyone laugh and he always put others ahead of himself, which was one of the things that I admired the most about him, but I was just so upset that if he was having problems that he didn't come talk to someone me or one of his other friends it just seems like such a waste of life and such a selfish act, which was so unlike my friend, but he always cared what people thought of him and maybe something happened that got to him, but it is the not knowing that is so hard I can help but feel like I wish I could of done something to help him he was 45, but it still seems so soon for him to be gone and can't help but think I could of done something had he come and talked to me. I think I'm still in shock over it, because it just wasn't like my friend to act that way and if something was bothering him he kept it hidden very well as no one saw this coming and I can't help how I feel about it I am a little angry at him and they try to say at the service today that they had for him that it was no one's fault what had happened and that everyone is probably feeling guilty and angry and sad and that was right on with what I was feeling, but add on helpless cause they was nothing I could do for him and that is the part that sucks so much. I don't know why my friend felt so alone, because you should of seen how many people were there today I don't think he realized just how many people cared about him that place was packed and you couldn't even find a seat for the funeral we had to sit in some kind of a waiting area and listen on the speakers, but I went for my other friend who was the last one that talked to him as I didn't want him to feel guilty or alone or thinking something he said had something to do with what he did it must of been pretty bad for him to do what he did thinking there was no way out and the hardest part is not knowing why.