She Makes me So Mad
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
September 13, 2010 12:16pm CST
My sister-in-law that is. First off, today is the first day that I haven't had my nieces with me because she decided to enroll them in "school." Well, as far as that goes, I think she just doesn't want to deal with the kids, but whatever.
However, I got wind of the fact that she has been cheating on my brother (I've had my suspicions but I wasn't sure) and that she is thinking about leaving when they are on vacation next month and taking the kids with her. I don't want to say anything to my brother because the person that gave me this information gave it to me in confidence, but I don't know what to do either.
I love my nieces as much as I love my own children and the fact that I don't have them during the day is hard enough on my, I can't even begin to imagine how it will feel if she takes them. My brother never even had the opportunity to meet his oldest daughter until she was almost six months old because the future wife was going through a psycho stage in her life. Now, it seems like that is what is happening again.
I just don't know how to keep the information that I've got to myself but how to also protect my brother and my nieces.
6 people like this
15 responses
@ergfortes (516)
• Philippines
13 Sep 10
you need to be sure of the information. if you're afraid to warn your brother about what you fear would happen then find the courage to approach your sister-in-law and find out the truth for yourself. your brother has his every right to know that his wife is cheating on him if that is true. Find your source and make sure of all his information and if you could get evidence then that will be much better.
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
13 Sep 10
Hiya ergfortes,
Really good advice you are giving there before Doran says anything to her Brother to try and find out first if she can about the source of the information.
Complicated situation too I honestly would try to tell her Brother but also I would not be very sure of it either unless I knew it all to be true.
Hope it has a good outcome for her Brother.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I really think that I need to try to get some more information before I make a call as to what I should do. I used to have access to my sister-in-law's facebook account, but she has recently changed her password so I can't look into that anymore. But it really makes you wonder why she changed the password.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
14 Sep 10
Hi,
First you have to make sure that the information you are
getting is accurate ,or else you can try to confront your sister-in-law
face by face and have to good chat with her to find out the truth.
If she really cheated your brother,then you should let your brother
know about it. It does mean that you are over bothering their relationship,
But as his sister you have the right to protect him and also his kids.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
Well, I don't think there has been anyone in our family that hasn't tried to help Michael out in some way during the time that he has been married. We all seem to feel like it was a mistake to get married, but since he is an adult there was nothing that we could do about it at all.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Sep 10
Not telling him about the affair, that I can see, but not telling him about her plan to take the children away? That's pretty serious. Is there any way you can deal with it without breaking the confidence, ie having the person who told you confront her or something? Your brother deserves to have those children in his life, and they need their father in theirs. What legal recourse is there? I'd ask around...
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
You are right that the kids definitely need their father in their lives. You see, their mother doesn't really seem like a mother to me and really never has. Instead, she seems to be a person that wants to have the kids for show and put them away when she doesn't want to deal with them.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
16 Sep 10
That is what I am working on right now. Hmm, anonymous note on his car at work?
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
15 Sep 10
Whether the information is true or not your brother has the right to know that his wife is planning to leave and to take their children with her. They are not her children alone...they are your brother's, too...and she does not automatically have the right to take them away from their home, their family & friends and familiar places and things. This is why custody cases look at what is in the best interest of the child...because the child is important. Imagine how confused and upset your nieces would be that first night away from their home, their father and their own beds.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
Well, I don't know that the first night away would be the thing that would really bother them because they have spent time with their other grandparents in the past. What I think would bother them is not having the opportunity to talk to their dad and their nana or any of the rest of us. I have to think of a way to let him know of her plans without hurting the relationship between he and I.
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
dear dora,
you wouldnt want to be caught in the middle without any real proof, i know. maybe it will be hard if you gather personally, but then someone probably can, for you.
you mentioned that your brother might not believe you, then, get evidence. that is the most sure way how to do it.
ann
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Right now I'm working on trying to get the information that I need. I know that I need to find it fast because they go to Georgia in about a month and that is where the guy lives.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Hi dorannmwin,
What a mess. Your sister-in-law sure sound like a piece of work. If she is indeed having an affair, your brother may have grounds to legally get custody of the children. However, if he is blindsided with this information after she is going and taken the children, how do you think he is going to feel knowing that you knew about her plans and you said nothing?
I have to say, if I were in your shoes I would have to verify the information, and then I would not hesitate to tell my brother. Better to disappoint a friend than to keep something this important(the dismantling of his family) from my brother (blood thicker than friendship)
Good Luck
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
You are absolutely correct and that is the reason that I am trying to verify what she told me before I take any more action. I don't want to have a hand in dismantling a family, but I would rather do what I think to be best for the kids.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
14 Sep 10
What a pickle to be in! I don't know what to say that hasn't really been said already. Get all the facts you possibly can and decide what is best to do in the interest of your Brother & Nieces.
Or the childish person in me would say do it in a round-a-bout way and tell him but not directly. You know a note or an e-mail to him from a disposeable anonomous account telling him what you know. That way you don't get yourself in trouble directly for violating the information you were given but the burden of knowing this was coming you may feel some relief.
What does your hubby say to do? Have you ran any of this past your parents?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
That is really a great idea about the anonymous email. I might use that idea to plant the seeds into his mind. I haven't really had the opportunity to run any of it past my husband since he has been working a lot this week and has been otherwise busy. However, I have talked about it to my sister, but she is much like me and feels like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. My mother says she can't do anything because she made the decision long ago with them that she was going to stay out of their business because she feels like what she has to say never matters.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Sep 10
well if she really is cheating, you need to find out and see if you can get some evidence that will stand up in court and therefore you could get your neices given to him if she leaves and then you could have them all the time!!thats the important thing. next after you get proof approach her and tell her you know and you will see that she dosent get away with anything
it seems that these days the crazy womens libers have messed up mens lives for good. its like my sons that all seem to have these same problems and no matter how good they treat their wives, gf's, etc. they always get hurt in the end. i hope you do something right away. @dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I am trying to do something and also trying to make sure that I do the right thing. It doesn't seem fair that she is not only trying to hurt my brother, but to hurt the girls as well is kind of a crazy thing to do. I'm not trying to imply that it is ever easy on children to have to go through a separation or divorce, but to take them away from the family that they know the best would be terrible for them.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Sep 10
Only you, knowing your brother, can make that decision. I do not know what I would do. I had suspected and heard that my son's former GF of 12 years (they had a four year old then) was cheating on him but I did not have the real proof . It could just have been gossip. But then she did turn him out for another person. He eventually moved on and got married and has 4 year old twins and is very happily married.
Her last affair fizzled out and she is now single and regrets kicking out my son.
I think that I would need to know if it is gossip or the truth.You could perhaps tell her that people are gossiping about her. This is a difficult decision to make. Getting the children into nursery school was perhaps part of the bigger plan of leaving him. All I know is that my son would not have believed me if I had told him. Good luck with your choice.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I don't know that my brother will believe me either if I was to tell him. I think though, if I am able to plant seeds of doubt in his mind that it might make a difference and that he might be able to see for himself.
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
14 Sep 10
You've to break the news to him eventually, seriously. There's no point in waiting for a long long time to break it because he'll come to know of it and when it does happen, the blow will be too much for him. I suggest you talk to him in a room, just the two of you.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I definitely don't want to wait a long time to break it to him because I think in the end that would do far more harm than good. But I also want to see if I can get some more information before I break it to him.
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
14 Sep 10
I don't envy your position. I myself wouldn't know what to do if put in that place. Although I would have loyalties to my brother, I would still feel that it is not my place to tattle on the cheating.
You and your brother are in for some tough times ahead. I just hope that kids come out OK, and they don't get scarred at whatever consequences that may happen.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
The kids are really what I worry about the most. You see, he never even got to see the oldest until she was six months old and since that time the two of them have been inseperable. Lilliana (that is the three year old) loves her family and really likes to be around us all. In fact, she was really upset after her first day of school earlier this week that her mommy wouldn't bring her to my house to play with Paul. The two of them are only two months apart in age and have been viewed as twins more times than I can count.
@ANIME123 (2466)
• United States
14 Sep 10
Wow I would tell, but only if I knew that it was for sure because if it wasn't than that would be bad it's always good to get the facts straight before saying anything, but yeah that's something that I would not be able to keep from my brother. I would be like hey brother somebody told me your wife was cheating and he would believe me and take matters into his own hands, but it's really up to you on what you want to do, good luck.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
That is a part of the reason that I've not said anything yet because I don't know for certain that this is truth and not heresay. However, as soon as I have some kind of concrete evidence, I will be revealing it to him.
@aurorastorm (1131)
• United States
13 Sep 10
Unfortunately if you tell your brother, he might wind up resenting you.
That being said, you can try to have your brother find out on his own though. Maybe where she is meeting the person she is cheating with, tell your brother to meet you there if it is a restaurant or someplace like that. This has put you in a terrible place and I hope for your nieces sake and yours that it gets better soon before it gets worse.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
I am thinking that planting seeds in his mind is going to be the best thing for me to do. That way, when he actually discovers the truth I won't be too much to blame for it. The thing that really makes me sad is that I know it is going to devastate not just him but his daughters as well. In addition to my mother and sister who live under the same roof as they do.
@chona0912 (103)
•
14 Sep 10
hi , i know what you mean because i have also a granddaughter that our family are attached with. t begin you should be definite of the information or maybe you spy on your sister - in - law to take the true picture first hand and then decide to take action.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
One thing is for certain, I do have time on my hands whereby I could do a little bit of spywork. However, if all of the information that I've gotten is correct, then spying here at home will do no good because this is going to take place when they are on vacation away from here.
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
13 Sep 10
I think you need to tell your brother whether you told this friend that you wouldn't or not, in my opinion this is something that your brother needs to know. Even if it turns out that the friend that told you this doesn't have all of their facts straight I think he still needs a heads up. This is your borthers children and I would say that even if the friend gets mad at you for telling this is something he needs to know about.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Sep 10
Well, it isn't so much about the friend that I worry. It is more that she had divulged the information to my mother and sister as well and I wasn't supposed to know because they said it would upset me too much (which it obviously had). I love my friend and don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to put my mother and sister into a very difficult situation since they do live under the same roof as my brother and sister-in-law.
