what is a good way to confront a man who is lying?

I need to know more about this "Invisible Detector" Program first..this is new to Me (I think..) as It's been a while since I last used chatrooms and group IM...So his Messenger program can selectively show you him as being offline,but allow him the option of continuing chatting with someone else,(This much I can remember!)and by using this app You can know he's still there and active,that he's not just left the program on and is AFK? Also,When You say this thing hasn't failed you Yet,this is from past experience with this guy,or someone else? It boils down to-If you have suspicions,You're losing trust in Him.If you can't trust him,you have a problem.and,Telling him you're keeping tabs on him when He's not spending time exclusively with you online is going to make you sound like a stalker.Doesn't the guy have friends where he lives that He might also IM? does he have to make excuses and say he's going out or something to get some time off? Even when people are Living together,they need and want some "Me" time,other interests..but then again,Your intuition may be right,he may be seeing others..are you planning on getting together in the future,or does this long distance thing work for you otherwise?

Sweetie I have done all that and then some. It is truly not worth it. It causes more havoc in your life and really distracts your train of mind. Here is what I tell people when they directly ask me this similar question. Is this really how you want to live. Think about one year from now, it is going to go by whether you like it or not. So think about if you still want to be in this type if not worst relationship. I will be really blunt, and forgive me as you and I do not know each other therefore it maybe a bit forward, you say you trust him, Really, because when we trust someone when we are in a relationship we have no reason to doubt and or snoop. I lived this way for a very long time and I was the only one inflicted with so much pain. Truly think about why he is stating he is too busy but yet you can clearly see he is online. Really think about if he lies about something perhaps as simple as maybe playing online games and or chatting online, What else could he be hiding. Hon, think about you and what you want out of a relationship, I wish you well and please do not waste your precious love giving towards any person who will not reciprocate equally if not more. Good Luck

Since I don't know much about this invisible detector, I was just wondering whether it was possible that he did go out, left his computer on and open on the IM program. I have seen people do this. I stayed at my brother-in-law's one summer and his teenage daughter was always on MSN late at night. When I got up in the morning the computer was still on AND her MSN page still open. Just a thought.

This is a really tough situation. I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if you really want to be in this relationship. Long distance relationships are always hard to keep and they are founded on an extreme amount of trust in your partner. Clearly you don't have this as you felt the need to spy on him and it sounds to me like you have suspicions that he's cheating. That's never a good sign in a relationship because you should be able to trust him enough to know that he's not...unless you have reason to think otherwise and then it sounds like you should end the relationship. Now, you've got two options. You can choose to confront him or ignore it. If you confront him, he's going to know that you were spying on him and that you didn't believe him. That's going to destroy the trust right there and then he's going to start having suspicions about you. On the other hand, if you ignore it then this will probably just drive you insane and it'll make the suspicions even worse by not knowing. Also, consider this, maybe he really did go away from his computer? There are oodles of people that I know (myself included) who when they leave their computer they go on invisible in YIM. I do that because YIM is the only way some people talk to me and I like to be able to receive their IMs if I need to without logging out, but I also really don't want a bunch of people IMing me while I was away. You have to think, if this was really the case then you're going to break the trust in the relationship for nothing. You say that he said where he was going and what he was going to be doing. Why don't you try to ask him about this? See if any of his answers sound suspicious or not. I mean, you can approach this however you want, but just stop and think that the way you handle this might end your relationship, even if that's not what you intended and even if he's not really lying. Good luck and I hope it works out!

Did you ever think that he really went invisible mode because he was away and that he didn't want to turn off his computer? Men are always into computers. Believe me, if there was a way for them to marry them, many have done it. Most guys download stuffs so big that it takes days or hours. Some of them just leave their computer on and online and even all their online gaming sites, and IM's. I do that too sometimes, if I'll just be out for 30mins or so, I just leave my computer on and change my IM's status to invisible. Because I don't want the hussle to go online on each of them again. But if its really true that he is just hiding from you. Confront him immediately, just tell him, what the other respondent say- Message him with: Hey, I can still see you online. That's a good start for him to either tell you the truth immediately or make reasons that eventually be all lies and end up your relationship. But that is far better than just thinking and thinking, it nice to either end it up now or know the truth now so you can both have a better trusting relationship. I'm in a long distance relationship for 5 years now. :)

hi.. you know what, we're a little bit the same. Just like you, I also have my boyfriend, in a long distance relationship. And to tell you, we also chat in ym everyday, day and night. And, I also use invi detector to see if he's really offline or invi. For me, I think it is not right to tell him right away that you have invi detector but rather wait for sometime. I mean, if he does it for the second time, that is the right time to confront him. First ask him, what he really did during that time. Second, tell him that you used invi detector that's why you found out that he is not really offline. And lastly, ask him what's wrong. Don't be angry, just be calm whenever you're asking him but when he is the one who gets annoyed and angry for what you're asking, I think that is one of the proof that he's cheating on you. I hope this can help you. =)

hate confrontations a lot! but sometimes you just need to do it just so it wont be an issue in the long run, well its not that easy to confront him but you just got to tell him you just saw him online for 30 minutes and that your using a yahoo detector, he might get mad, depends on how he react on it but just be plain honest..if he cant be honest at least you are it might help him realize if he gets mad with it..

You can do a printed evidence on him with this detector thingie you have, so that there is no way of him denying that his online, why in the first place he has to deny this to you? hmmm... maybe its the right time to talk this matter to him. Its really not a good idea that his hiding from you, for what purpose ? At least when you guys can talk you give him the chance to explain his part to you.

Uh uh,this is alarming. Ok,give him another chance but you need to confront him about it. Let him know that you know he is online by that time and just in an invi mode. If he still denied about it,then,make the final decision,and it's up to you. Have a great weekend ahead

Hi nikramos, In my opinion, you don't trust your boyfriend, not that you don't have good reason not to. You have proven that you cannot trust him. But why did you suspect that you could not trust him in the first place? Why did you feel that you had to put a detector on to see if he was being straight with you? Do you really want to be in a relationship where you cannot trust your partner? I think that is just too much work. Even though you know that he has lied to you, it will be difficult for you to confront him about it unless you confess to have the detector on to track him. He will probably be very angry, even if he was lying, he is not going to appreciate what you have done. There is always a double standard. He can cheat and lie, but you cannot track me with a detector. I just couldn't be in a relationship without trust. So, if I have to use a tracker to find out whether my partner is lying or being unfaithful, I need to move on to green pastures (a trusting relationship).

How reliable that invisible detector is? Maybe, it isn't that reliable at all and thus giving you the wrong impression.But granting it is indeed reliable, then, you have to tell him the truth that you are using such detector and that you knew he was just hiding. But, still, he could answer that he did not log out but indeed leave the chatroom just like that. This is not impossible especially if he is the only one using the pc. Dear, do not let this thing gets into you or else your relationship through your trust will be on shaky grounds.

The next time you talk to him ask him if he has invisible detector and thn explain to him that you do and why you felt the need to check bc he's going to ask. It's kind of funny bc wen u've been with a man for a while u kno all of his quirks so he cant do anything out the ordinary w/o you noticing but for some strange reason they think they can. But back to the subject that's the best way to do it

Be kind to him and don't show anger because the best counter attack for lying is kindness but of course make for yourself a safety precautions if ever the results of your kindness fail.

oh no, poor guy....but what you have to do is just ask him first where he really went that day...and why he is putting it on invisible mode...if he will lie again then thats the time that you will tell him that you have a detector....and see how he reacts...because the guy the you be caught in the act cannot respond properly...

the only way you can do this is with proof of whatever he is lying about. you have to catch him that lie.

When you need to confront someone who is lying, sometimes telling them you know of their lie is not always easy. You need to back up your accusations with some physical evidence. Otherwise it is your word against theirs.

what is this world coming to? I thought the beauty of relationships was all about trust? I'm not defending this creep for scheming on you, but if you love him, why spy? The truth will always come out in the end. Furthermore, if you are seeking a relationship that is damage proof - there's only one, that is with Christ. On the more secular level, leave long - distance relationships alone! You're better than that, and going around spying just shows that you struggle with insecurity, and you shouldn't. I bet you're beautiful, intelligent, and have a lot to offer a great relationship...focus on that

I went through a long distance relationship too, I am now married to the man and we have been together for 8 years now. we actually met online. My question to you is do you ever see him or is this just a chat and webcam type of thing. If it is then he could be doing this with other people. There is obviously no trust there because you do check up on him. I would say you have good reason not to trust him now. You have to ask yourself..Is it worth all the heart ache and pain to stay in this type of relationship. If your answer is no then move on. The right person is out there for you, if it is him then he will stop his game playing and commit to you if it is not him then you will find the right one when you are ment to find him.