Everything But Marriage?

This reminds me of that Joy Behar joke, I want a man in my life , just not in my house!I totally agree. If I were to move in with my guy , we would need a huge apartment or house. Yours , mine and ours isn't just a title of two movies, it is the rule to a happy home.I realize I am living the vows without having to say them so the State gives o=us the ok to be together. it feels natural!I know if I were to marry it would All vanish. so Why marry?

I would just let him go. Why? Before I get seriuos about a guy I tell him I Will Not marry you , period. If you want to marry , then go and marry I'll wait. In other words I rather be yout mistress than your wife . If marriage is That important then you are not the man for me. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I hope you are following your bliss.

That's what I would do NOW but at the time I was just young and naive. I had nothing against marriage at all....just wasn't something that I "needed". Now when I hear people talking about being pressured into marriage I think to myself ...oh run from this one. If you can't be content without that piece of paper then odds are you aren't going to be with it either. I'm still not against marriage but it isn't for me. My thoughts on it are that both should be equally eager to tie that knot and if ultimatums or pressure are a part of that equation then it is best to walk away from each other right then. I do now tell guys right up front that I don't want to live together and I do not want to get married. I was more open to the possibilities when I was younger and before I'd tried it out.

I love watching weddings but I never wanted one of my own. I rather just go on the honeymoon.

Oh! That's why when I say I never will marry , many Hear I never will love or be loved! That's why many say won't you be lonely? I have always sen marriage as prison As a trap and the End of happiness. It is even come to the point when others say I should marry , I hear they want my happiness to end and I ask why? Don't they like me?They don't know that I would be More lonely in a marriage than I would ever be alone. They must believe marriage Must be based on love , for me it isn't the case. And never will be.

I don't like the rules that come with this status.

The true connection and commitment is in your heart . All the other stuff like rings and ceremonies is just extra.

We are One. We have so much in common . We Truly understand each other and we See and Listen to one another and we both love what we see. I don't want to see this beautiful thing get lost in a marriage. I can't watch while our feelings die right in front of us.

I love him and with that comes all the vows , instinctively.If I Had to get permission from the State Or be Owned by a husband, my love will die and with it will all the vows. In other words the moment I am forced to say i Do, I Won't and never will Again. The love will die and indifference will take it's place. This I Know about myself since I was about 13. I Finally got the vocabulary to explain it. When I was a teen I would just say I will marry when I can fine a man I can hate without thinking about it so all the pain I will inflict will be justified.Now I see it wouldn't be hate, it would be worse, indifference.The complete shutting off of my emotions toward this thing called a husband. I rather love a lovely man than make him into a husband.I rather be happy with him and live the vows of True love than force us into the roles of husband and wife. wher I would be forced to watch my love for him die right in front of me!

I think the problem is you se marriage as love , I see it as a battlefield . I don't ever want to fight a man I love so I will never marry him., The guy I loathe , I would marry so when I make his life a living hell , it would be fun.

Absolutely no offense intended! I didn't mean it to come off that way. Christianity is a choice. If you choose to be one.. they you are choosing to live by christian rules. If you choose another belief or life style, then you are choosing to life by those rules. How you live is your (and everyone's)own choice. If you are sure marriage isn't for you, then don't do it. Purely for discussion sake....if you love your man enough to go to hell for him...why is loving him enough to let him "own" you any worse? From what I understand, hell is pretty dang horrible! Lol! I don't believe my husband (or any husband) owns me (or anyone). A marriage vow is what you promise to do and be for that person, that is why they are "exchanged". Both parties say "love, honor and obey..." etc. Now if I had to say it and he didn't, I wouldn't be going for it! But it is a mutual thing. I'd almost have to say it was the other way around...dating a guy..he'd think he owns you (and visa versa) as if you are dating someone, they are not going to be to happy that you are dating others too. And if you dont' want to do that and just stick with the one guy (not specifically you, just for conversation sake) why not marry and make him "your own"... that way you won't loose him or worry if he is going to leave you etc.

Agreed. I know for a fact if I marry it wouldn't based on love . It would be either family obligation or money.i wouldn't see it as a partnership like what I have with my man , it would be just another unwanted job! I would have to have kids . Kids I don't want so why marry?

If I marry ,I'll go from a lover to a wife. The love I Now feel will die and turn into indifference. This I have known about myself. I rather be a lover than wife. A friend inside of the mother of his children. I rather Remain connected than drift apart.

You can decide to remain a lover even after you become a wife. The decision is up to you but I truly understand your concern.

Tammytwo , it isn't mentally possible for Me to be both.

It isn't the divorce rate , it is what I would Have to become when I marry, a wife! I'm not a wife!

Coffeebreak The fact that either can leave is what I like about it. If I love a man I want him to be happy with or without me.If the true connection isn't there, no paper will create it. I love that I don't have to have the permission of the State to love and be with a man. I don't see any benefits in marriage for me. I Never want children and I won't love a husband . I will just be trapped.and because I'm trapped I would lash out at him , I know it.If we are just going together , he can leave. I rather he leave than be with me and be miserable. If we are married we can't leave plus if he is miserable , So Be it!

So if you marry and get divorced after few years, that is morbid, however, if you live together and separate after a few years, that is okay. I don't go for that. If you can't commit to me in marriage.. I don't trust you to not leave whenever you want to. Yes, you can leave if married, but I think that if you marry with the right reasons and all...you will try harder to stay together when times are tough. To me...knowing that either can just walk if just living together, makes it more shakey for me. Yes, you can walk out of a marriage, but there's something about that paper nad the celebration of commitment that give security to me. If you are just living together and things go bad... you get nothing. If married...first you get the "married filing joint" tax deduction, but also...you get restitution in the end. IF just living together, "common Law marriage" isn't as effective as an actual marriage.. at least from things I have seen. If you didn't get married, why should you get the benefits a marriage offers if divorce happens?

That's the whole point. If I marry I wouldn't see his true goodness. I will be blinded by being trapped. All of his goodness would disappear in my eyes. This is what I love about Not marrying my love. I Can See him fully, I accept him wholeheartly. We are bonded Closer than I would even bond with a husband. I have known I if I were forced to marry, I would shut off all tender feeling s and always be in defense mode. I would lash out. and that's why I always thought I should marry someone I hate so it would be easier!Thankfully here in the States , we don't have to marry , nor have children.if I were Indian ,I would have been disowned. I wouldn't marry. i don't have a desire to harm a man like that.

You are Indian? The way you arrange marriage seems perfect to me. the marriage is based on family obligation and is taken way seriously. You go in knowing you Have to make it work. Here many marriages are based on love , lust or money. True love may survive and even help keep a marriage together but the other two? It is very shaky! Me? I never wanted children so arranging a marriage where I was expected to have kids wouldn't work. So I am connected by love alone and I never want to try to mix it with marriage.I respect your views too . Thanks for your response.

You are right but according to me I guess you want to be in relationship with complete freedom.This western culture is coming to our country in metros like Mumbai and Delhi but the results are serious.People are ending up in depressions and breakups because this is not considered the correct way to love,judge and lead your life with a person.You are right at your place and probably your country is so open that you guys do not mind trying out things and relationsships but our country is orthodox and may be thats the reason many people if our leading unsuccesful married lives then there are people who are leading stable and successful married life as well.Atleast there is stability.My friend I respect your opinion.Keep sharing

I don't want kids. If I did , I still wouldn't marry a man I love. I would just breed with the husband and then have a lover later. But that's me. Here in the states you can have kids without being married. There are many , many loving single parents. here there are many fathers who will Never know they have children because the mothers never tell them. The next generation has at least one loving parent. If each couple had to marry to have these kids , they would promptly divorce after or even before the child is born.

It is simple, we are free to not marry. There are many children that are born where the parents didn't get married.And then there are women who have the baby and Never tell the father.Kid come but we don't see that as a strong enough reason to marry.

I am very sorry.I don't understand the American culture.so I agree your idea.I support you.

I have read how you and Hubby are and I am amazed . I keep thinking , this is a marriage? But I Know your type of relationship wouldn't happen to me until I met my guy! We are One. That's the best way I can explain it and I Know I never will marry him.I never want to ruin it.for me I have to choose, either I can be a lover and happy or a wife an miserable. I choose happiness.

Thanks. Wife material I am not. I thought the G-ds would make me choose, either be happy or get married. How? I thought I would fall for a guy who Wanted to marry me or he would leave. Well, That didn't happen. My guys loves me and will not marry me! I'm so lucky!

Thanks. Wife material I am not. I thought the G-ds would make me choose, either be happy or get married. How? I thought I would fall for a guy who Wanted to marry me or he would leave. Well, That didn't happen. My guys loves me and will not marry me! I'm so lucky!

Oops. I 'm sorry, Somehow I commented twice!

It works so well Thanks.

It is the label and the roles that come with marriage I loath.Plus I never want kids. So why marry. I started this post because i sat down and thought of the vows and how As long as I Don't get married, I can keep these vows. After responding to all these comments i realized that if I was forced to marry , the moment I said the vows I would naturally break all of them! I would shut down and disconnect , If I were connected to my husband! I don't know if my guy believe me when i say I would be the worse wife but at least he understands I will Never marry him and he is ok with it, thank G-d!I honestly thought the love of my life would Want to marry me. But now I know The One for me wouldn't want to marry me. I know many women are waiting , praying that their guy will Want to marry them and I am here feeling so thankful my guy doesn't!

Simple. Unlike you, instead of growing closer to a husband , I will naturally grow apart. You write of working together through problems , if I am married I will close up and fight with my husband Until he leaves me. For me I can work out things better if I am not owned by a husband.so so a guy to have my love and respect , he should never marry me! My guy understands this thank G-d! If I got pregnant I would abort it. I never want children. If I Wanted children then I would Have to get married? No! I just Never wanted children either.