I want to suicide !! but I can't !! why ?

May be a bullet can finish your dream without pain, fast and effective. A bullet straight to your brain, seem like won't be so pain. But it would be pain for someone near you. And it would be insane for you, whether to others and to your God.

ummm maybe try not to attempt to kill yourself anymore have you told anyone about this

As a kid and teenager I attempted several times, as an adult I have had several tendencies but cannot do so as I am Thankful to God as my life is very valuable. Think about your love ones and how will feel if you do succeed. You should pray and have faith and try really hard to take these thoughts out of your mind as life is too precious. Although we can so exhausted with so many ill thoughts and triumphs please hon, if you can't stop on your own you may want to seek some counseling. But at best please know many here on myLot can be very encouraging as give many a chance and we can all be supportive. Good luck dear and please confide your feelings with others and you may be surprised on how much emotional support you can gain.

I agree, you should try talking to someone. Everyone has a hard time in life, but I truely believe that we are only given as much as we can take, and trouble makes us stronger. Try speaking with your doctor, there are usually free counselling services where you can either speak on the phone, or meet someone for coffee in person and they are pretty easy to speak with. Trust me, you are not alone, and there are many places you can reach out to someone for help if you can't talk to family and friends