OH you must have your hands full....

Kat, I understand there are extenuating circumstances. There is also when people make a family then fall on hard times, but like you pointed out, the irresponsibility is very annoying. You tried to prevent more kids, it happened and you and your husband are taking care of them. Just from what I know about you on mylot, you seem to me to be a very responsible, loving mother.

I agree with you laglen... I too believe people should make sure they can adequately afford children before they have them. There is no reason to TRY having a baby when you cannot even take care of yourself. However, since it is not up to strangers to financially and/or emotionally support your family, I do not feel it is any stranger's business how many children you have. It also seems to me that the majority of people who spit out kid after kid without really meaning to don't even really WANT to be parents, they either don't believe in birth control or they think it will help them stay on assistance - which is not a good way to raise a family. It's not even enough to live on if you're single. I struggle to grasp how anybody could live on that pitiful amount, and to give a child opportunities? There would be none to give

That bugs me too.. though I'm not one to talk.. I couldn't afford any of my kids but had them anyways.. though most of them were not planned or expected, and we actually did attempt to prevent some of them.. but these things happen. Of course you can't completely blame people in situations like mine.. where we did attempt to stop having kids and it just didn't work out that way.. it's not like we sat here and went "You know, even though we're on Food Stamps and will need WIC.. why not go ahead and have another baby and let the government support it?". Actually though.. my husband used to work with a guy who last I knew had 11 kids with his wife, and they were on food stamps, welfare, wic, section 8 (which helps pay your rent) and basically every form of government help available.. yet she just kept having more and more and more. Worst part was, she wasn't even on birth control. She didn't exactly want that many kids, but she wasn't doing anything to stop it. Now that is crazy!

I don't really understand why people with one baby complain about how hard it is either. I have a lot of friends who really THINK I only had one baby, they forgot I had a preteen and a teen when the BABY was born. Babies and toddlers are very physically demanding on parents, but preteens and teens are very EMOTIONALLY demanding, and having both a boy and girls made it even more of a juggling act. Little boys seem to be easier and older girls seem to be easier, but that was just my take at the time.. lol. I do believe that some people can handle things other people can't though, so it IS possible that the person with one baby feels like things are VERY HARD while the person with twins and two older children doesn't feel like it's hard at all. I expected things to be hard and they weren't as bad as expected, but I also planned out my time well to juggle 3 kids and still get everything done. I also think it depends how the kids came along too. If you're planning a baby and have a baby, I don't think it's AS hard as if the baby is a complete surprise, or if you plan a baby and instead end up with two. Also it is often a bigger adjustment to go from none to one, and one to two, than say... it is going from two to three, or three to four.

lol! I hear a lot of 'I couldn't do it but I'm glad you can'. What I want to say is 'no, you could do it too... if you had to'. I can't answer the how do you do it question either because my answer is the same as yours, I just do. I'm not sure what it is that prevents people from being able to do the same things. I'm not superwoman. I'm not brave. That's another one! People tell me 'oh, you're brave'. Why? Because I have more kids with me than hands? How is that brave? Or - man, I'd be pulling my hair out. Ok, good for you because better you be bald than me lmao! I think it's a matter of personality. Some people are built to handle different types of stresses. In all my long years on earth now, I've learned that I relate much better to kids than I do adults. Adults drive me NUTS... with their little cliques and assumptions, obnoxious questions, airs of superiority, feigned helplessness, insecurity, etc. Kids are FUN! And... while they are still kids, we can help them learn how to be good people, how to be true to themselves, and how not to be all the bad things we see in adults around us.

Yep, like I said, I hear a lot of them. I've gotten used to most of them and just let them slide. There are a few things that bug me a lot though.. like when people with 1 or 2 kids start complaining about how tough it is. Like one day I was at the bus stop with a couple other moms, one of them had just had her second baby, and her oldest was in kindergarten. So one mom was asking that mom how hard it's been to adjust to a new baby.. and the new mom is complaining about all the junk she has to go through just to leave the house. Now at this point my twins were 6 months old... both of these moms knew that because they were my neighbors, but they were talking about how hard 1 baby is right in front of me. OMG... hello?? I have to do double what you do so SHUT UP! Then I get a lot of that "Oh, mine are 10 months apart, so I know how you feel with twins".. Um, no you don't! A 10 month old can hold his own bottle, sleep through the night, feed himself finger foods, and is mobile and playful. There are different challenges there, because you have to keep the 10 month old out of trouble while feeding the newborn.. but you don't have 2 newborns screaming at the same time because they both want to be fed and you're only 1 person and can't figure out how to pick them both up and the same time and maneuver them around to get them into feeding position.. etc. etc. At night just as I was finished feeding one twin, and getting them to sleep, the other would wake up, and by the time I was done with that one and settled back into the bed the first was waking up again because they seemed to want to eat every 2 hours on the dot. You don't have that problem with a newborn and 10 month old!

LOL! A normal amount does depend where you live I suppose, to me 3 or 4 is typical and average. I don't think that is too many or too few. I think a lot of people feel that TWO is the 'magic amount', and having one boy and one girl is the ultimate 'family setup' and I suppose that is cool if that's what they planned and/or wanted. People often ask me when or if I'm getting pregnant again, completely forgetting about two key things - first that I actually have 3 kids, not 1, and second that I'm older than I look lol. If I were younger I'd probably have more

4mymak.. that sounds like my neighborhood. I can rattle off a whole bunch of families nearby with 5 or more kids who are all within a couple years of each other. Most of them are NOT blended families.. and most even home school their kids.

I could be wrong, but is seems mommyboo(thats fun to type :P)is referring to when people aren't saying "you look busy, let me help" but rather just remarking "haha, you got lots of kids". Some people just want to make a comment with no intention behind it and those can just be annoying. Like when I go running, at least one person always has to yell, "Run, Forest, run!". It's not as clever as you'd think lol.

Wow.... aren't you out there with your response lol. I don't really EVER have my 'hands full' so to speak and I don't really appreciate people acting like someone has 'too many kids'. I have friends who seem to feel they have 'too many kids' and I think it's because they get stressed out about it. It is not necessarily helpful for some stranger to come up and point out 'oh I think you have too many kids' or 'let me help you' if I do not want or need help. Offering help when someone doesn't need it is another pet peeve - it makes me think someone who doesn't even know me assumes I want them to save the day when there is nothing for them to do. Also, I did not say people are 'smiling' or 'taking notice'. A lot of the times people make this comment, they seem almost annoyed that they are near someone who has a crowd of kids. That's why I said if you don't have any kids or you don't like kids, then move on. Don't make comments, and perhaps don't stand near me and ask stupid questions like 'are they all yours'. I am clearly in a bad mood about the phrase because I have heard it repeated by too many people who do not (in my opinion) really have the right to say it. Kids are not a burden to me. Recently, it's ADULTS who have become a burden, as kids do not make the sorts of rude inappropriate and obnoxious comments as a lot of adults seem to without even thinking. Kids are honest and are that way without trying to hurt, but adults can be vindictive and blunt and harmful with what they say and not care at all. Thanks chixopher75 for understanding exactly what was meant by the original post.

BTW - dreems - hello - this discussion is listed under 'RANTING ABOUT THINGS WHICH ANNOY ME' Did you perhaps miss that while you were reading? LOL~

How do I do it? Yeah, I'm not really understanding that question either - because most of the time if you actually take the time to ANSWER it, you have to then EXPLAIN your answer. I realized finally how to explain how I feel about this. You know how some people can work full time and go to school full time and still somehow devote some attention to their significant other AND kids if they have them? I could NEVER do that. That's probably how they feel about the fact that I can just take along extra kids and enjoy it. It's fun for me in the way it must be fun for them to work and go to school.

I actually enjoy seeing big families - as long as the parents are not screaming and the kids are not screaming and things are reasonably calm lol.

It would really be prudent and wise for people to think about what they plan to say to a stranger before it just pops out. I do realize that while some people don't mean any harm, you never KNOW what someone may have been through previously and how your little 'uninflammatory comment' will sit with them. For example, I was praised to the point of ridiculousness by a nurse while I was receiving prenatal care once because she assumed I waited till I was 28 on purpose to have a baby. I told her point blank I tried and tried and tried to have a baby for years before and I was finally blessed, and to praise me for waiting was not taken as a compliment, it was a sad reminder that I couldn't get pregnant for 10 years. Honestly, there are so many stories people have and it would be a good idea to consider all angles before you just say something based on your own life to someone you don't even know.... Thanks Hatley, I think strangers are just rubbing me wrong lately.

You would be an absolute blessing to meet out and about because it seems like you understand how to be helpful without being irritating lol. I personally have a lot of respect for stay at home dads because you know what it's like to be a full time caregiver for young children - it's a lot of fun and it's wonderful, but at the same time it can be quite a challenge. Never enough time, money, patience, right? I seem to have an obsession with the motivations behind why people say things and what they mean by what they say, and I can tell when someone is not being genuine, especially a stranger. I don't appreciate people who are not genuine, what's the point of opening their mouth then?

All right, that's fair. I guess wht I expect is for people (like you) who don't even want to deal with one child is to not project that on ME and assume I feel like that if I have 6. I don't feel that way, I don't need or want help, sympathy, or pity, and honestly few people do unless they actually are OUT OF CONTROL and the kids have them tied up or something