Do you think a person can love two people at once?

@MissAmie (717)
United States
September 23, 2010 4:26pm CST
I have major problems. A year ago my husband and I broke up and about three months later I started dating another guy I had known for quite a while. I love my husband, but to be honest, I love him more like a brother and not like a wife should love her husband. There was no spark between us. We had love, good communication, love our kids, etc... There were A LOT of problems with us. When I started dating the other guy, it was like I had never been in love before. He makes me feel so good I can't even describe it. The only thing we were missing was trust. I'm a more private person than he is. He thought I should tell him everything and that's just not me. He lost trust in me. I started questioning me constantly and finally I couldn't take it anymore so I broke it off with him. The second my husband thought he was out of my life, he pounced. Now he wants me to move back in and such. My dilemna is that I truly think I love them both, just in very different ways. In some ways I only want my family to be back together, but another side of me wants a new life with the other guy. Do you think the trust issue can ever go away? Do you think I can get the spark back with my husband? Have any of you ever been here before?
3 people like this
34 responses
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
This is what I just can tell you missAmie" One is enough, twice is too much, thrice is terror that can make your life horror.lol. I read that from my dad's letter from a friend, because he was such a two,three or more timer man.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 10
Wow, talk preaching to the choir! I'm in this same exact situation except that I have taken my husband back and I realize that I still love my husband also but he has the same horrible ways that he had when I left him the begin with. The only reason that I broke it off with the other guy is because he kept making me feel like I was so much of a bother to him that I started to believe that I was. I forgot to mention that my husband was stalking me the whole time I was seeing him too. He broke the guys back window out in his car twice and he even came in in the middle of the night and hit him in the head while we were sleeping so.. I thought I took the safe route by breaking it off because he didn't so anything to him while my husband was doing all of these things. I tried to kick my husband back out but he gave me this sad story about how he had nowhere to go and the kids seem so happy I feel stuck!! HELP ME TOO!
1 person likes this
@spindrift (197)
23 Sep 10
Hi there I can understand whare you are coming from and I think it is possible to love two people at the same time and for different reasons like you say you do not love your husband may be in the same way as you did when you first met I have been with my hasband for 8 years and have 3 kids nut we or I do not feel that the love between us is romantic but more a mutual respect, I would find it hard to share feelings with some one new or maybe not I have stopped sharing alot of things with my husband. I have been tempted by a man I know but haven't done anything I feel the future would bring the repeat feelings after a few years may be this is how it sholuld be you have mad love then you have kids then they leave home it might blossom love again when the kids are gone and house is ours and free to do as we want it could be good but maybe I will be missing out on many years of something good with some one. It is always worth ti try with your husband make more time for each other and make family time. good luck
1 person likes this
@babyEj (1522)
• Philippines
23 Sep 10
Honestly, I want you back with your husband. Please let your heart relax and take a deep breath. Think of the memories you had with your hubby and your family. Feel it. I was thinking that you are falling out of love either because of these cases, lost time, not valued much than expected, missing the first stage of relationship. If you felt one among I've told then be back with your hubby. Take time alone with your hubby and do things like you were before months in the relationship. Bring back the heart you had with him before, the eagerness to be with him. =) Good luck
@mauie0918 (337)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
Listen to your heart...... You will be lost at the end.
@canaussie (221)
• Australia
23 Sep 10
Isn't it wonderful to feel love and be loved again! You feel young, alive and even glowing in the dark! LOL! And those moments usually happens in the early stage of any relationship. For some reasons, it doesn't last and what's left are just memories. Memories that you can hold on to and enough reasons to try to keep the relationship because you've had such good foundation. Try looking back on how you and your husband started, how strong the feelings were and how passion drove you to say "I DO" and then build a family. Was the initial feeling the same or at least similar feelings as you have with this new guy in your life? (I know you must have forgotten!) Your feelings for your hubby must have changed after all the problems you have undergone during the marriage. But come to think of it, in reality, once live together, you and your boyfriend are somehow bound to have the same problems eventually. All that passion will wear out. I don't know how long you have been single, but it is advisable to enjoy freedom for a little longer. Half the times, that bf & gf relationship seem to make the passion last longer. If you really want a new life, you can only make that happen with your boyfriend but prepare yourself for ups & downs of relationships. With regards to putting back spark in your relationship with your hubby, nothing is impossible if you are both willing to try. Good luck. "when you get married don't find someone you can live with, but look for someone you cannot live without"
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Sep 10
You can love everyone at once but the fact is you love them all differently. What you are feeling for your new guy is romantic love. That will wear off just like it did with your husband. It's an immature approach to love and the person who is this way inclined is REALLY in love with the IDEA of being in love. Try and grow up a little and show some respect for yourself and remember your wedding vows. Show some respect for your husband too. Forget sparks, and hearts and flowers for a while and build a solid base for your relationship with your husband. Talk to him and tell him what you are going through and ask him to forgive your foolishness. Or, if it's too late to do that, look deep inside yourself and try and see whether your feelings are grounded in something solid, or just airy fairy fleeting feelings of love and romance. This is a trap many fall into and the truth soon comes out. You should know yourself very well and know your future partner too. You should have plans and goals so the two of you have something to work towards instead of just silly romantic notions...this won't last, I guarantee it.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Sep 10
Yes, I have. It sounds like both of them are wrong for you, and that it's time to move on without either one of them.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
25 Sep 10
Hi. MissAmie. You are going to just have to choose one man. And the decision that you do make, you have to be positively sure about. Pray to God and ask him to lead you into the right direction of the way that he has predestined for you in your life. Honestly talk to him so that God can bless you. I hope that God blesses you with the right man. I had two men that I have loved too. Now, I am with my husband and this is all that matters the most.
@katland05 (136)
• Guam
5 Oct 10
MissAmie hi... Of course when u start a new relationship there are sparks, your nervous & excited at the same time... But they won't last forever, then what if the sparks are gone will the other guy stay with you... You have to work at the relationship... You gave up to easily with your husband, he still loves you & want u back, you have to work together for the relationship to work, your married for better & worse... Not a lot of men are willing to take that chance again when they know their wife has been with another, but yours still loves u & the kids & want to make it work go back & open your heart to your husband, you have to both go back like when you first met, do things only couples do, go out to dinner or cook dinner for just you two alone, send the kids to spend the night at family or sitter for the evening...We all face problems with our partner when you've been together long but u don't give up trying to make things work when you love that person & your family... Marriage is a bond & should be forever but today it's not taken seriously & too many leads to DIVORCE... In the end you have to follow what makes you happy, good luck...
• Philippines
25 Sep 10
Yes, you can love two (or even more) people at once. But, there is a a big but, your love for them can never be equal. You will definitely love one more than the other. If you think you do not love your husband anymore, think again. Maybe the spark isn't there anymore because you had been too busy with the kids, work, and all. With the other guy, the feelings may be intense because it is still new. How sure are you that the flame will not die down in the future? Love isn't only about the "thrill" or the "exciting" feeling. There are highs and lows. Sometimes you feel so much in love, sometimes you don't. But the point is, you still love the person. Try getting on a holiday with your husband, away from work and the kids. Rekindle the flame. Talk the way you used to when you were still dating. I always keep this in mind -- LOVE, TRUST, and RESPECT must be mutual...and marry the man you enjoy talking with!
@mbbt2010 (10)
• India
24 Sep 10
no......i do not think so.science says human brain cant sense two jobs at a time. it means that the person is may be serious with one and the other is only for flirt. that all about.
• United States
24 Sep 10
I do believe that someone can loive two people at once but when it happens it is really hard... but you can only go with one... date one and keep the other as a friend or consider then family... i hope this helps :)
• Finland
25 Sep 10
yup it's possible,you love two people in a once time
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
24 Sep 10
Yes, I have been in the situation but not to someone I was married to. I had a boyfriend for a long time and then we broke up and I started dating someone else and then he wanted me back and I started seeing both of them which was painful and difficult. I ended probably choosing the wrong one. But that is OK because it didn't work out and about a year later I met my husband who I have been madly in love with for 25 years. Honestly it doesn't seem like you love you ex husband in the right way enough to get back with him. I think it is good that you are close friends though it is good for the kids, my parents are divorced and are still good friends and that is very nice for us kids. It sounds like you really do love the other guy however. If you want things to work out between the two of you it sounds like both of you are going to have to give a little. You may need to give up a little more of yourself and he may have to start being satisfied with what you give him. He probably feels like you are not letting him in and you are guarding yourself from him. If you love him let him in. You don't have to give him every detail of your life but let him in. That's just my honest opinion of the situation based on what you wrote. There may be things I don't know but this is how it looks to me with the information I have.
@jdyrj777 (6528)
• United States
24 Sep 10
I believe its possible to love more than one at a time. Jealously and mistrust is a hard thing to deal with. I think i would just want my family together.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
I don't think so, my friend. You can love only one but you lust more than one that is the fact. I don't believe that you love two person at the same time. What I know is that you love the other and you lust one... Have a great day!
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 10
Hi, At first, you have to ask yourself what is the best option for your future life, Is it patch back with your husband(means that you will have your own family again) or start over your new life with another guy? Only you yourself will know the best answer. It might be hard for you to make the decision,since you love both guys in a different ways. From my point of view, a trust is pretty important for the relationship to stay forever and strong, without a trust, the relationship may not stay forever. Since you have children from your first marriage, you may consider to patch back to your husband and start over a new life with him. A chemistry/spark can be slowly built up after a proper communication and understanding between both of you. I guess you guys lack of communication ,that is why the spark slowly gone. It is best to think carefully before making your right decision.
• India
24 Sep 10
You should not have broken up with your husband so hastily. One can love more than one. Lets hope that a day dawns when legally a wife having several husbands and vice versa is a normal practice.
• Vietnam
24 Sep 10
I think you also love your husband a lot because if you don't love him. I won't get married with me. So, before doing everything, thinking it carefully, if you do the wrong things, you cannot get back. You may have a strong feeling with the guy you met, but your relationship just happen for a short time. It may be true, and may not. Everything is in your hand, you can do whatever you like, you love, but remember, thinking it carefully. I cannot give you advice because this is your personal problem. No one can help you. Just you know what you need to do and not. I hope you will do the right things.