Need parenting advice???
By katland05
@katland05 (136)
Guam
September 23, 2010 6:51pm CST
My daughter turned 18 years old this past august & graduated from high school.. Will be attending college & in the process of looking for part-time work.. At this time she helps me with raising her 3 year old brother, she listens to what me & her father asks of her & rarely goes out with her boyfriend or friends. She doesn't go to any bars when she does go out because of the drinking age limits, she only goes to movies or parties. The thing is sometime when she does want to go out I feel nervous because my hubby, her father, lets her go let say 6 or 7pm & wants her home before 11pm, she has to call home every 2 hours (which is why we bought her a cell phone)... When she doesn't call he gets anxious, gets mad & tells me to call her.. Sometimes she doesn't answer only voice mail, I leave message she call back we talk.. Sometimes she's late coming home because they went to watch movies, but she always calls if coming home late... I think our daughter being his only daughter & he's overprotective I know his concerns because of teens getting rape when their out late.. At time my daughter & her father argues about her never coming home on time, I'm in the middle & afraid our daughter will end up leaving our home which will kill me inside... My daughter doesn't smoke cigarettes or doesn't do drugs, only drinks light wine coolers, & I'm always talking to her about pregnancy. I wait until next day when things are calm to talk with hubby that he has to ease up a little & give our daughter a little space & trust her when she does go out or else she would leave us to go live somewhere else.. I just need some advice from parents with older kids who are dealing with this similar situation... Our we as parents being to hard on our kids when they need to start making their decisions since they are considered adults? Any advice will be appreciated...
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3 responses
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
5 Oct 10
I've still got a little bit over 10 years to go before I am the parent of an adult. However, notice I did say an adult. I think that your husband might be being a little bit too hard on your daughter. Because of the fact that she is trying to take steps for her own independence, I think that she might need a little bit of freedom while at home. That said, if you have a good relationship with her, she will probably follow the rules on her own when they don't really exist anymore.
@katland05 (136)
• Guam
6 Oct 10
dorannwin hi, thanks for your respond... Yes my husband I know can be overprotective at times but still having my little discussions with him about letting our daughter spread her wings, she really is a good girl & does listen even to her dad... I'm so thankful that I have this close relationship with her & hope it's still the same in the future when she does have her family.... Have a great day mylot friend... Appreciate all the advice given here....
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Sep 10
That is tough. You can't change your husband's behavior, only he can. It sounds like your daughter is really responsible, and your husband just hasn't quite accepted the fact that she's grown up. But if she doesn't call every two hours, why do you have to call her? Why doesn't he call her himself? It's his rule, after all.
@katland05 (136)
• Guam
25 Sep 10
Hi dawnald...
Yes, it's hard when I have to be between my daughter & her father at times. I do find myself telling him to call her instead of me doing the calling & remind him to be patient with her & trust her because I do.. She really is responsible & though her father at times is overdoing it she just bears with it... Thanks for the advice & have a great day mylotting...
@Wordjunkie (435)
• Canada
24 Sep 10
Hi there katland,
I have four children aged 27, 19, 17, and 14 years. My first two are out on their own, the younger of the two in University. I agree with you 100%, your daughter is 18 years old and needs to be given some responsibility. Sounds like she is pretty responsibile as is. We have to at some point, let go some, and hope that we taught them enough so that they will make good choices for themseleves. We can not protect them forever if we wish for them to become strong adults and be able to stand on their own two feet.
I do realize that it is not easy at times when you have a hubby who is overprotective, my husband is as well, right now my battle with him is regarding or youngest daughter. If he had his way she would not be allowed any further than her backyard and she is in her second year of High School. You have to set rules according to their age and what is reasonable.
It is hard, and there are no magic answers I'm afraid. When my hubby gets a little too overprotective I remind him that she is growing up and making more decisions of her own everyday. We all need the chance to learn, if our children never spread their wings how can than learn, how can they grow? We certainlt do not want them to become depend upon us, that sort of defeats the purpose of parenting, to guide them into adulthood.
@katland05 (136)
• Guam
25 Sep 10
Hi wordjunkie... yes, I'm constantly reminding my husband that sometimes we have to let our daughter think for herself & we should trust her & her judgement. If they make their mistakes & yes they will make their own mistakes she will learn from them.. It's all the process of growing into adults & we were once in that very same shoes... I try & speak with him when he's calm, I don't like to say anything when he's all stress because we have no communication in that way.. We have open communication with our daughter & she knows she can speak to me on anything if she is uncomfortable with her dad. Thanks for all your advice, I really appreciate all comments since me & my husband are new at this... Have a great day...
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